Tag: songwriting

Priti Patel

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
And used the virus as opportunity
To free her work from scrutiny

Now she’s running away

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who failed to notice the major groundswell
Of opinion about the jobs fulfilled
By people that she called unskilled

Now she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who knows full well ’bout NHS personnel
Everyone’s seen their value to the nation
But she won’t change her rules on immigration

That’s why she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
She’s fourth in line to be Tory Leader
But it’s been weeks since anyone has seen her

Guess she’s running away

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Who Cares What Nigel Farage Says?

Farage wants to know who gets the button
Farage wants to know who gets to drop the bomb
In the middle of the crisis with Johnson gone

Farage is worried ‘bout the virus
Farage thinks that it will stop us getting Brexit done
His one trick pony race is not yet run

Farage doesn’t rate the current cabinet
Farage thinks he’s better than the whole current shit show
From the comfort of a radio studio

Farage says all politics is vile
Farage is telling callers not to get involved
Like his own political career has been absolved

You might tune in to listen to Eddie Mair
But the moral of this story should not come as a shock
Turn your radio back over at six o’clock

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Pirate President Trump

The people of Barbados
Were buying ventilators
They had all the papers
That they were bought-and-paid-fors
But they were seized
‘Fore they hit the high seas
By the president’s decree
He’s a pirate now

The German police
Had their face masks seized
It’s hard to believe
From a plane in Thailand
Robbed on the tarmac
They just want their masks back
They just got a wisecrack
He’s a pirate now

And it’s a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum
Here comes Pirate President Trump
Lock up your medicines, here he comes
Its President Trump
He’s a pirate now

He’ll steal your medication,
Your PPE
‘Cos his recovery’s
A month behind the Chinese
He’ll offer big money
For your remedies
Or he’ll take ‘em for free
He’s a pirate now

And it’s a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum
Here comes Pirate President Trump
Lock up your medicines, here he comes
Its President Trump
He’s a pirate now

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

He’s Going in for Tests

There’s a hospital admission
In the second edition
As his grip is slipping on the reins of power
It’s his chest
He’s going in for tests

He’s not discharged
Says he’s still in charge
But lurking is Raab named number two
Not the best
He’s going in for tests

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

He has little clue
And he’s flippant too
Now it’s number two at the conference
Facing the press
He’s going in for tests

With your coughing head
From your hospital bed
You can’t get ahead
Of the crisis
They professed
He’s going in for tests

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

There’s a hospital admission
In the second edition
And his hand is slipping under his gown
You’ll understand
He’s got time on his hands

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Just Another Day in Quarantine

He was a handful before the lockdown came
But now he’s stuck indoors
Drinking ‘cos he’s bored
A handful before the lockdown came
Now he don’t get to see his mates
And that means there’s no escape for her
For her

He was a handful before the lockdown came
Now he’s like: Don’t come near me
With that cough
He was a handful before the lockdown came
I wish you and the kids
Would just fuck off
Is what he says to her
To her

She’s another victim of the virus
Unintended consequences, hazards unforeseen
Just another day in quarantine

He was a handful before the lockdown came
She’d get the occasional bruise
To show for it
He was a handful before the lockdown came
Now he’s stuck indoors
With no one else to hit, except her
Just her

She’s another victim of the virus
Unintended consequences, hazards unforeseen
Just another day in quarantine

He was a handful before the lockdown came
But now he’s drinking silently
Not coping with his anxiety
A handful before the lockdown came
Now he’s getting out of control
And there’s nowhere else to go for her
For her

She’s another victim of the virus
Unintended consequences, hazards unforeseen
Between four walls there’s no such thing as social distancing
Just another day in quarantine

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment

59 Billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
Are they standing up doing their bit?
While Hancock had a go at premiership stars
He let the real rich off with it

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
Between ‘em got a bob or two
So, in this hour of national crisis
What do you think that they’re up to?

Branson, he’s worth his own 5 billion
Held his hand out for seven more
Phil and Tina Green, retail king and queen
Shut the pension scheme at the store

Richard Desmond, from the gutter press
Is running scare stories in the Daily Express
And Dyson who took his firm over the border
Got himself a nice little government order

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
59 trough meets snout
59 billion doing quite nicely
And they’re just the ones that I know about

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Goats!

What happens, when you stay in your room?
What happens, when everyone else does too?
What happens, in the doom and gloom?
You know that nature abhors a vaccum

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

What happens, by the Welsh seaside?
What happens, when everyone stays inside?
What happens, when you’re forced to hide?
A vacuum that nature can’t abide

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

What happens, by the Summit Hotel?
What happens, outside your house as well?
What happens, what’s that farmyard smell?
It’s Mother Nature starting to rebel

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

Goats! An imported species
Goats! From the hills visiting the beaches
Goats! With their Kashmiri fleeces
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

goats

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Fly ‘Em Home

They were on the beach when the border closed
The trip of a lifetime they supposed
Cut short when the lockdown
Was imposed

Can they get to the airport, get on a plane?
Someone official needs to explain
Someone official needs to help
To get’em home

Fly ‘em home, to a country that won’t test ‘em
Home, to a country that knows best, and
Home to a country, stressed
By captivity

Fly ‘em home to lousy isolation
Home, to a divided nation
Home, to friends, relations
That they can’t see

Masked and gloved the driver came
At the airport they were all dressed the same
Waiting for a flight
To the infected zone

Tuned in to the expert’s soothing words
And the journalist’s questions dodged, deferred
The death toll’s rising
But they’re going home

Fly ‘em home, to a country that won’t test ‘em
Home, to a country that knows best, and
Home to a country, stressed
By captivity

Fly ‘em home to lousy isolation
Home, to a divided nation
Home, to friends, relations
That they can’t see

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Dominic Ran Away

 

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Boris said he’s got it and Hancock’s coughing too
What’s a brave political adviser to do?
There’s government to govern and important things to say
But Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

He’s the man behind the plan of herd immunity
He said there’s nowt to fear for the majority
But now his boss has got it he’s looking rather grey
And Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

They say that a crisis is a making of a man
So where the hell was Cummings when the shit hit the fan
His boss was shaking hands with patients yesterday
Now Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

by Categories: COVID-19, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Mild Symptoms

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Matt says that he’s working from home
He says that you should too
But you can’t build luxury flats on the phone
You still have to get on the tube

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Boris says he’s working from home
He’s urging you to do the same
But you can’t fix washing machines on the phone
And stayin’ home just won’t pay

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Charlie’s working from one of his homes
But his staff don’t get a say
He can be the heir to the throne on the phone
‘Cos no-one’s listening anyway

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Mild symptoms – not everybody gets ‘em
Mild symptoms – nor the level of protection
Mild symptoms – and tests for politicians
But not for the nurses or the clinicians

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
They all got tested too

by Categories: COVID-19, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment