Kick It ‘Til It Breaks

Who has got the more slappable face?
Well, Scotch Egg Gove was leading the race
But now Horrible Hancock is in first place
You’ve gotta do what it takes
And kick it ‘til it breaks

Kick it ‘til it breaks
You gotta slap its silly face
And kick it ‘til it breaks

What I said was
What I meant was
What I said was
What I meant was
For fuck’s sake
Just kick it ‘til it breaks

And Cummings’ heroic self sacrifice bid
Ain’t gonna forgive what he did
A trip to the castle with his kid
God forbid
You’ve gotta kick it ‘til it breaks

Kick it ‘til it breaks
You gotta slap its silly face
And kick it ‘til it breaks

Then there’s the care home fiasco
The PPE that didn’t show
The clap a nurse but pay Dido
They’ve gotta go
You’ve gotta kick it ‘til it breaks

Kick it ‘til it breaks
You gotta slap its silly face
And kick it ‘til it breaks

Like a Hartlepool voter
An EU fishing quota
An Eton boater
Who cares not one iota
A pawnbroker playing poker
While the odour of the owner
Runs you over like a roller
Someone wake me when it’s over
And we can kick it ‘til it breaks

The State of the Opening of Parliament

She’s in the Daimler, not the gold carriage of state,
While the million-pound hat is in separate freight,
Pulling in through the Westminster palace gate.
It’s Black Rod’s big day out.

Where they always slam the door in her face
Before she bangs it thrice with her staff (not her mace)
To summon the Commons to the other place
To hear what this term’s all about.

These days, the crown’s heavy on the royal head
So, it’s relegated to a cushion instead
While the Queen’s speech sets out the year ahead
And new laws for those hereabout.

My Lords, she says, and you commoner lot,
My government would like to buy me a yacht,
But while the pandemic remains a blot
They’d best leave that bit out.

So, my government (led by that chap with the hair)
Will promise that the recovery’s fair,
While remaining silent on the social care
They reckon you can do without.

And my government’s Procurement Bill
Will make their contracts easier still
For the likes of Hancock’s mates to fulfil
When they’re in need of a handout.

My government will not require
Employers to desist from fire and rehire.
It’s enough to make a prince perspire,
The stuff that they’ve left out.

The state of the opening of Parliament
Where the Queen sets out Spaffer’s intent
In the gaps between what’s said and what’s meant.
It’s Black Rod’s big day out.

For Hug’s Sake

Spaffer liked hugging Allegra
Spaffer liked hugging Marina too
Spaffer liked hugging Anna Fazackerley
And now hugging’s in the news
(For hug’s sake)

Spaffer liked hugging with Helen
But Spaffer still liked hugging Marina too
Spaffer won’t hug you if you ask about Stephanie
And now hugging’s in the news

Spaffer’s hugging here and Spaffer’s hugging there
He hugged up Foreign Secretary, hugged up being mayor
He’s hugging up the red wall, hugging lying down
No one’s safe from being hugged by Bozo the Clown

Spaffer liked hugging with Jennifer
Hugging on the sofa like there’s nothing to lose
Spaffer likes a hug more than anything else
And now hugging’s in the news
(For hug’s sake)

Spaffer likes hugging with Carrie
He’s hugged her enough to want to marry her too
Spaffer is the hugger that the voters love
And now hugging’s in the news

Spaffer’s hugging here and Spaffer’s hugging there
He hugged up Foreign Secretary, hugged up being mayor
He’s hugging up the red wall, hugging lying down
No one’s safe from being hugged by Bozo the Clown

46 Fascists

She’s a fan of a cross, and invading a mosque
Although Fransen would suggest that she’s of immigrant stock
She fell out with the lads with the fake marine badge
Now she’s up in bonny Scotland on Sturgeon’s patch

It’s a super election, well at least it is for some
But it’s always good to see a fascist on the run
She thought that loyal and proud might play to the Rangers crowd
But she heard another message, and she heard it loud

There’s 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
I’m telling you that ain’t a lot
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
So, 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
And Jayda can all fuck off

From EDL to Britain First To Glasgow last
From Rochester and Strood to the land of the Buckfast
From Islamophobia to a prison cell
Now she’s polling 0.1% in Glasgow South as well

There’s 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
I’m telling you that ain’t a lot
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
So, 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
And Jayda can all fuck off

There’s a word that they use that Russ says shouldn’t be excused
So we’ll keep the chorus light enough to keep you amused
But it took a tartan tory to give a headline to this story
And Nicola told her to fuck off on the news

There’s 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
I’m telling you that ain’t a lot
46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
46 fash was all that Jayda got
So, 46 fascists in Glasgow Southside
And Jayda can all fuck off

Reviewed by GrassrootSE Magazine

I’ve always felt an affinity with the dry, cutting observers of the world, and this is certainly amongst the best of that.

Andrew Moreton

To read the full review, get your copy here.

Chingford residents News

“They’re a different type of immigrant,” says Jean,
“They’re not here to graft, to care, to cook or clean.”
“They’re smuggled here for profit,”
“And someone ought to stop it.”
“Our tiny island’s full,” she vents her spleen.

And Barbara chimes, “They’re all illegal too.”
“Not behaving like the genuine ones would do.”
“We don’t want the ones like these,”
“In their virus-ridden dinghies.”
Her vote, you guess, is a Priti, Tory blue.

The hardened hearts of Chingford all refer,
To the Mail Online and Johnson’s veiled slur
On London’s current mayor,
Makes you wonder and despair
What type of immigrant they think his parents were.

And if you really must read the article in the Mail Online….