Tag Archives: Michael Gove

Work Is Safe (Tell ‘Em)

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Gove said that he can guarantee
Your total in-school safety
Then he said that nothing’s ever safe

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

A key part of his calculation
Is that the kids stay in formation
Like they would actually stay six feet apart

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Breathing is safer than talking
Talking is safer than walking and talking
And breathing and talking
And walking and talking
Are all safer than singing
And singing’s safer than coughing
And coughing’s safer than sneezing
So, if you’re sneezing and you’re coughing
And you’re coughing and you’re singing
And you’re singing and you’re walking
And you’re walking and you’re talking
And you’re talking and you’re breathing

Don’t let the risks accumulate
Don’t add the risks you have to take
To the risks that you don’t have to take

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Gove said that he can guarantee
Your total in-school safety
Then he said that nothing’s ever safe

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

The other thing that they advise
To radically reduce class size
No one knows where the extra classrooms are

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Breathing is safer than talking
Talking is safer than walking and talking
And breathing and talking
And walking and talking
Are all safer than singing
And singing’s safer than coughing
And coughing’s safer than sneezing
So, if you’re sneezing and you’re coughing
And you’re coughing and you’re singing
And you’re singing and you’re walking
And you’re walking and you’re talking
And you’re talking and you’re breathing

Don’t let the risks accumulate
Don’t add the risks you have to take
To the risks that you don’t have to take

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

The Prime Minister Prepares to Return to Work

I’m coming back to work, and I need to know
That’s everything’s gonna be okay
So tell me my cabinet colleagues
What did you do while I was away?

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Tell us Michael, you had a plan
To run things pretty hot
Tell us Michael about the plan
What sort of numbers have we got?

Well boss the plan’s killed 20000 people
We said we’d do well to stay under that number
The plan’s killed over 20000 people
Running hot might’ve been a blunder

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Tell us Matt you had a plan
To sort out PPE
Tell us Matt you had a plan
What improvements have you seen?

Well boss there still ain’t quite enough
If I’m honest I’m starting to lose it
Even with all this military stuff
I didn’t expect the nurses to actually use it

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anybody have a bit of good news?
Yes Priti?

Well boss I’m pleased to report
I’ve driven shoplifting down
Boss without any support
I’ve driven shoplifting down

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

That it?

The Government Pecking Order

While the prime minister is indisposed,
Here’s the government pecking order, disclosed:

It goes Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
So now we’ve got Raab, ‘cos Johnson is unwell.
And if Raab goes down, Sunak gets a spell.
And should Sunak lose his sense of smell,
Fourth on the list is Priti Patel

So whatever your position on the PM’s condition
(There’s little to applaud about his hospital admission
Save a salutary lesson about the virus’ transmission
And recognition of the position of the nurses and clinicians)
Michael Gove must ponder on his omission
From a list that doesn’t bode well:
Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.

The Lockdown, Week Two

lockdown 2

Week two of the lockdown brought no more certainty. It became clear that the rules of work had as much to do with protecting the economy as protecting the population. Businesses that involved face-to-face contact with the public, unless deemed essential, were closed, but if your job otherwise couldn’t be done from home, you still had to go to work, and building sites, call centres, warehouses all remained operational.

Chat show host, former radical and Liberal Democrat candidate, Maajid Nawaz, notorious for straw-manning callers that he disagreed with, broadcast, unchallenged, an economic expert who claimed that a six-point drop in GDP would kill more people than would be saved from the virus by closing their workplaces. Transport Minister, Grant Shapps echoed this sentiment in the Huffington Post. The tone was being set.

Elsewhere, trade union membership was rising. Construction workers, angered by the lack of social distancing on sites, the continued use of fingerprint scanners to clock in and out and the dangers of their journey to work on crammed underground trains, organised and started walking off sites. Blacklisted engineer Dave Smith was, as ever, on hand to offer sage advice and to amplify their campaigns with the hashtag #shutthesites.

The real scandal, though, was lack of testing for the virus unless, it appeared, you were rich or influential. Actor Idris Elba reported that he’d experienced no symptoms despite testing positive, while thousands of frontline NHS staff remained untested.

With the Prime Minister and Health Secretary both in isolation, Cabinet Office Minister and less accomplished liar, Michael Gove took centre stage at the daily government press conference. He told the nation that ten thousand tests had been conducted the previous day when the figure was less than eight thousand, and that the failure to conduct more tests was due to short stocks of the necessary reagents, a claim denied by the Chemical Industries Association. In the media, lack of lab time and lack of political will were also blamed. The doomed herd immunity strategy may not have been completely abandoned, as we learned that the Germans were conducting 70,000 tests per day.

And the morning news broadcasts told us that otherwise healthy 13-year old Ismail Mohamed Abdulwahab was now the youngest victim of the virus.