Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
A life without cheese, he said
Is very much mistaken
Yeah, but fowl
Yeah, but beast
I need to feast on the grease
Of the recently deceased
Yeah, but blood
Yeah, but bones
A meal ain’t for real
Without its grunts and its groans
Yeah, but murder
Yeah, but torture
Make it well done between the bun
Of your lunch order
Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
The blind eye that’s in the pie
Of which you have partaken
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Says some are dog and some are cat
Some are ball and some are bat
Some are tit and some are tat
Some are standing, some are sat
Some are swallowed, some are spat
Some are gloss and some are matt
Some are splash and some are splat
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Some are X and some are Y
Some are wet and some are dry
Some are low and some are high
Some are sell and some are buy
Some are sea and some are sky
Some are girl and some are guy
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
Ten points to Gryffindor, hooray
You’re a boy, now go away
You’re a boy and that is that
Says JK Rowling’s sorting hat
They said when I was younger
Automation would be the thing
The robots would do the heavy lifting
While we could play and sing
But now I’m older and the world is greyer
I dunno who’s at the controls
‘Cause the robots are writing poetry
And I’m still digging holes
I’ll swear no oath to kings and queens
The primacy of royal genes
I’ll pledge allegiance to my class
The King can kiss my worker’s arse
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
But the words of the Lord just got ignored
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
A king you really can’t afford
Samuel said he’ll take away your sons
Samuel said to fire his guns
Samuel said this kind of thing
Always happens when you have a king
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
But the words of the Lord just got ignored
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
A king you really can’t afford
Samuel said he’ll take away your daughters
For cooks and bakers and court supporters
Samuel said this kind of thing
Always happens when you have a king
Samuel said he’ll take away your fields
Samuel said to make swords and shields
Samuel said this kind of thing
Always happens when you have a king
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
But the words of the Lord just got ignored
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
A king you really can’t afford
Samuel said he’ll take away your vineyards
With kings he said the wealth always flows inwards
Samuel said this kind of thing
Always happens when you have a king
Samuel said he’ll take away your sheep
Samuel said service will come cheap
Samuel said this kind of thing
Always happens when you have a king
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
But the words of the Lord just got ignored
Samuel told them the words of the Lord
A king you really can’t afford
A king you really can’t afford
And these are the words of the Lord
The council haven’t put up any bunting
The local Tories are running amuck
The coronation! We must be doing something
But most people really couldn’t give a fuck
You can apply to close your street for a party
Undisturbed by car, van, or truck
To celebrate the crowning of King Charlie
But most people really couldn’t give a fuck
There’s a union jack outside the butchers
Where he sells patriots their beef, lamb and duck
But he might as well be flogging fishless fingers
Because most people really couldn’t give a fuck
An extra day off work? Well, who wouldn’t?
Courtesy of newly crowned King Chuck
But don’t take it as some kind of endorsement
Because most people really couldn’t give a fuck
Drizzling the King with special magic oil
From an eagle-shaped bottle, just for luck
An archbishop and a golden spoon
Honestly, we couldn’t give a fuck
Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep food on our plate
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans*
And golden carriages of state
Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep us warm and fed
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans
And Tory Warburtons sliced bread**
So, boo to cost of living crisis
Boo to rising staple prices
Hurrah for Charlie and Camilla
Beans on toast again for dinner
*Well, you’ve got to have standards
**Other bread is available
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
If you support the celebration
Then you can make a small donation
Crowdfund the coronation
But make it so that each donation
Ticks a box to just make sure
You’d rather not give to the poor
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
Of which we’re told there’s such a dearth
We can’t pay nurses what they’re worth
Crowdfund the coronation
And if folk need some motivation
A celebrity-packed one day’s TV
Can raise some cash for kings in need
Crowdfund the coronation
Crowdfund the whole damn operation
The nation then with one accord
Will have the royals they can afford
Here it is, the bad apple defence
A line they all pursue
It’s alright round here really
It’s just a bad apple or two
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s just the way things are done round here
We turn a blind eye, we cock a deaf ear
We reap what we sow
We let the bad apples grow
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It ain’t everybody
But the rules are very clear
You never saw the bully
And there’s banter you don’t hear
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It ain’t everybody
Just the facts that all folk know
It’s the way we do things round here
We just let bad apples grow
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
It’s alright round here, just a few bad apples
I’ve got my radio on, tuned to LBC
And every other jock’s tryin’ to tell me
That culturally, the Muslim man
Is pre-disposed to a grooming gang
A grooming gang, not a paedophile ring
‘Cause a paedophile ring is a white man thing
It’s a racist phone-in, non-stop
And the worst of it is, it’s coming from the top
It’s coming from the top and here’s the thing
The people at the top have got brown skin
It’s a desperate scramble for votes, last ditch
And people get hurt when you talk like this
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Our coach can’t get into Europe
The school trip kiddies cry
‘Cause every passport needs a stamp
Did you stop to wonder why?
Is it two sides of the same coin, you ask
Well, it’s definitely two cheeks of the same arse
Do you need another clue?
We hate folk who ain’t from round here
And the ones from round here too
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
It’s limited and specific
Like the KLF didn’t say
All bound for Brexit Benefit Land
Get out the fuckin’ way
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Where the rules get ripped up and re-written
For the fool who messed up worst and last
In the interests of the ruling class
And we’re throwing a party we can’t afford
For the bloke on the business end of the sword
While the supplicant kneeling is now at the helm
Of the opposition, a knight of the realm
We’ve got Charlie in charge, Charlie on the throne
Where’s our revolucion?
Charlie in France, well maybe not
What chance have we fuckin’ got?
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Steve White & The Protest Family 