Swastikas in the Sand

The tide’s been going out for ages
Rishi’s got a bucket and spade
There’s a little bit less to go around these days
So Rishi’s got a new game
He knows he’s not the most popular kid
But Rishi’s got a plan
The tide’s been going out for ages
And he’s drawing swastikas in the sand

Swastikas in the sand
He’s drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And he’s drawing swastikas in the sand

Jonathan and Lee think that Rishi’s fab
They want to join in the game
Please let us play with you Rishi
This lark should really have a name
I’m going to call it Stop the Boats
Whoever’s on them just gets banned
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand

Swastikas in the sand
They’re drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand

There’s hundreds and millions and billions
Suella joins the game with glee
I bet I can stop the boats the best
Oh Rishi, won’t you play with me
We can pretend they’re all evil
And we should never let them land
The tide’s been going out for ages
And she’s drawing swastikas in the sand

Swastikas in the sand
She’s drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And she’s drawing swastikas in the sand

Swastikas in the sand
They’re drawing swastikas in the sand
The tide’s been going out for ages
And they’re drawing swastikas in the sand

Stop the Boats

Diddy Rishi Dastardly’s petard will soon be hoist
“Yes General”, he says to the off-screen muffled voice
But Zilly’s done a runner, he thinks Rwanda isn’t fair
And Klunk has got a legal plan that hasn’t got a prayer
While Dastardly just wants the Vulture Squadron in the air
‘Cause Yankee Doodle Refugee will lose him Red Wall votes
While Muttley snickers “medal”, he’s crying “Stop the boats!”

Resignation Honours

What the fuck are resignation honours
Can they be bought with foreign dollars
Or are they just for a certain type of cad
Like the ex-PM’s wife-beating dad
With form for familial awards
Having put his brother in the House of Lords

If we’re to let him have his way
Then their post-nominals all should say
KBTW, BJ
Displayed proudly by their name

Arise, Sir Stanley, Lord of Wrong ‘Un
Knighted by that wanker, Boris Johnson