Month: February 2022

Vlad The Invader

There’s oligarchs in London, tanks in Ukraine
Kremlin-funded Tories with wealthy campaigns
Gangster capital was given free reign
And now we’ve got Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

Nigel and Donald have both led the cheer
Strongman nationalist, macho veneer
Looking for excuses now the tanks are here
For their mate Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

So, move the final from the Gazprom
Cancel the Grand Prix and Eurovision song
Cock a deaf ‘un to Saudi dropping British bombs
A bit like Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

Hit him with a sanction, let’s see who it hurts
Who’s got the gas? Who turns the heat off first?
A punch in the face but who comes off worst?
The worker or Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

We’re doing all we can is the Westminster cry
Having washed all the money and turned a blind eye
Now how many refugees will they deny?
Created by Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

The bravery of protests in Pushkin Square
Compare them to a Kensington billionaire
Who has more in common with the bellicose bear?
Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

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Sunflowers

There are tanks at the gates of the city
And in the fear that their presence breeds
Stands a woman confronting the soldiers
Handing out sunflower seeds

This is my city, she tells them
And in this city, we all may die
So, know when you fall for your master’s glory
A sunflower will grow where you lie

There are tanks at the gates of the city
And in the still that all soldiers know
Lies the ground upon which many will fall
And one day sunflowers will grow

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Donald’s Coke

His campaign’s funded in roubles
He plays tennis with some Russian folk
He’s almost completely without scruples
And he’s snorting Donald’s coke

Now he’s lining up a barrage of sanctions
Its Churchill he’s trying to invoke
He’s getting a piece of the action
And snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

He’s a fan of foie gras and fur
He don’t care how the poor buggers croak
An opportunity Brexit conferred
While he was snorting Donald’s coke

Pounds, shillings, and pence
Don’t matter if you’re broke
Proposed by the Minister of Past Tense
Who’s been snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Keep keen eyes in the crow’s nest
He knows the system’s broke
Don’t worry about who can afford a test
While you’re snorting Donald’s coke

Here’s another strategic lie
Just call the dissenters woke
Dead cat meet table; ball, eye: bye, bye
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

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War Footing

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Above criticism
Posing for pictures in a fighter plane

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Forget Partygate
It’s war for political advantage
Again

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Appearing Churchillian
When he closes his eyes
To better fantasise

Spaffer’s on a war footing
God help us
It wouldn’t be the first time the bodies piled high

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Sheriff Rayner

Shoot first
Ask questions later
Ange is reaching for her gun
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner
Or you just might get done

Here’s how to impress the Chief, Sir Kier
Here’s how to win back the red wall
Round up your posse of miscreants
Get ‘em up against the wall

Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner

Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner

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Liz Truss Prepares for War

Listen to me, in my new serious voice,
We’re going to war; we don’t have a choice,
So, here’s a picture of me, with my new serious hair
In a serious tank, while our brave troops prepare.
Pay attention to me and my new serious face,
I’m ready to put Vladimir back in his place
But don’t ask me questions, I’m here to be imperious
And impress upon you that things are very serious,
With my serious voice and my serious hair
Because going to war is a serious affair.
And while I offer the Prime Minister my full support
I’ll be seriously ready when it’s time to cut him short.

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Learning to Live With the Lies

There are ten different types of liar, he said
And that was a lie as well
He finds it as easy to tell an untruth
As he does the truth to tell
Of all the liars in all of the world
He’s the most comfortable liar you’ve heard
So, now we’re learning to live,
Learning to live with the lies

Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

45 minutes from mass destruction
Millions of pounds on the side of a bus
A programme of new hospital construction
And then they say that it’s all about us
Whenever there’s something they want us to do
They just find it easier to hide the truth
And now we’re learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

There are big lies, little lies
Dirty lies, white lies
Lies to seem clean
And lies to the Queen
Smooth lies, compulsive lies
Bold lies, deceptive lies
Fake news, half truths
And lying as routine
Disinformation
Exaggeration
Lying as omission
They’re a lying machine
Weasel words, perjury
Minimising, puffery
Polite lies, paltering
Their lying is obscene

Their lies are obscene

(So now we’re)
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

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Not If

When the cut and thrust of politics is real
When the cut and paste apologies are fake
When facts matter less than what you feel
And truth and lies are given equal weight

When “I get it” and “I’ll fix it” are a sham
When extremists are emboldened by your act
When you genuinely couldn’t give a damn
And your policy does nothing but distract

When you use your privilege to tell a lie
When you prey upon the people’s hopes and fears
When a violent act is something that you buy
Or else incite by very public smears

When contrition is a barely fleeting phase
Before deceitful boasting rears its head once more
When history is written by the days
Each sentence worse than the one before

When you’re leading them without a destination
When you’re leaving them to fend for themselves
When self-confidence is your only salvation
It’s time to start to draft your farewells

When the authorities are knocking at your door
When your champions look the other way
When your last-ditch distraction is a war
Then accept that this big dog has had his day

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Platinum Liz and Queen Camilla

Platinum Liz crowned Queen Camilla
On the date her father died
Showed her round the big council house
Saying this is the palace in which you’ll reside

With his and hers bathrooms for you and King Charlie
And his and hers butlers for your toothpaste squeezing
His and hers medals, after all it’s your army
And his and hers royal protection policing

Saying, “One day, all of this will be yours”

Ignore the liar down the road
Who partied when I laid my Phil to rest
He’s just a self-centred, selfish toad
Who thinks he’s better than the rest

I hear he said it’ll take a Panzer division
I dunno what possessed him
He’s forgotten our family’s historical position
And a German tank ain’t out of the question

He’s turned the governance of my green and pleasant land
Into a reality TV show
But the monarchy always remains
When it’s time for the likes of him to go

Saying, “One day, all of this will be yours”

Platinum Liz crowned Queen Camilla
On another day that the people were starving
On a day they debated the cost of living
And her Tory party were openly laughing

Platinum Liz crowned Queen Camilla
Top of her list of jubilee honours
While the people chose between food and warmth
And the foodbanks now outnumbered McDonalds

Now the kids are singing, “Off with their heads”

Platinum Liz crowned Queen Camilla
You know she’s got the means to end poverty
But sharing’s never been in the job description
When wealth and power is hereditary

Now the kids are singing, “Off with their heads”

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Sue Says

Just over a week ago, we got the Sue Gray report into Partygate. Already tipped off by Boris Johnson that it was going to be limited, we weren’t quite sure what to expect, so, damning though it was, it was no surprise that it didn’t name names and that became the theme of this poem.

Later that day, I got a message from Willie Dowling, who asked if I was going to turn it into a song and if not would I mind if he did. Would I mind? I’m a fan! I was delighted and, later that night, there was a demo in my inbox with a couple of additional middle eights that Willie needed some words for. A phone conversation and a few emails and Twitter messages later, we had something ready to share.

“Sue Says” (Dowling/White) is currently only available on SMR Radio on Mixcloud. (Scroll to about 58 minutes in).

Steve

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