Local Elections May 2022

Wonderful in Worthing, Wandsworth and Westminster
Horrible in Harrow, Hastings and Hull

No Overall Control hold Hartlepool
Who says that the local elections have been dull

With stay-at-home Tories and Long Corbyn stories
While in Skipton drawing straws is the way that it’s done

And what they’re talking about is

Curry with Sir Keith in a constituency office
Downing Street piss-ups with Prime Minister Boris
Or the latest comic skit from Secretary Dorries

Now they’re changing the bin days in Mayfair
And easing up the planning rules in the town square

Because the hands on the levers might have changed
But the levers themselves have stayed the same

Privatise the Arse Off It

Trouble at the Passport Office
Privatise the arse off it
Run it for my pals’ profit
A one-trick Tory cries

Like Mogg he wants you at your desk
Who’s haunting corridors obsessed
His sarcastic notes grotesque
Bullying in disguise

‘Cause they privatised the arse off the trains
The cars and the buses and the planes
The gas the electric the phones and the drains
The post and the college of flames

And if you’re still waiting for a visa from Ukraine
They privatised the arse off that too
Just sayin’

Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022

Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying

The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate

For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame

And Mogg Tweeted Alleluia

Canterbury’s putting up resistance
To the ungodly policy of offshore asylum
Love thy neighbour but only from a distance
Sounding Johnson’s Operation Red Meat siren

But Castle’s voice from the pews cried we tithed for our views
And we don’t like change around here
You shouldn’t get to choose your country of refuge
And Rwanda’s very nice this time of year we hear

So Secretary Patel issued ministerial direction
To whistle up the dog a fascist bone
Of immigration by racial selection
A one-way ticket or a middle-class home

More folk will die of Covid in 2022
Than seek asylum in this green and pleasant land
Swiftly and humanely removed is the clue
To the Easter politics of the damned

Canterbury’s putting up resistance
But Johnson and Patel just say screw ya
We’re loving our neighbours but only at a distance
And Mogg tweeted Alleluia

Spaffer In Ukraine Again

Safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
Spaffer’s on walkabout in Ukraine

He really has a talent
For reputation management
A cock-up covering caper once again

But if he has a second
He should take a trip to Yemen
And watch British bombs being dropped by British planes

Or if he’s of a mind
Walkabout in Palestine
And contemplate their sovereign state claim

‘Cause if he’s safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
There’s lots of war for him to try and game

Gangster Government

Gangster government for gangster bosses
Cutting their losses
With jobs and rights

Gangster government for gangster firms
Ripping up terms
To DP’s delight

Gangster governments for gangster companies
P&O Ferries
It ain’t alright

Gangster government’s crocodile tears
As it appears
They knew that night

Gangster government’s Brittania Unchained
Holds workers in disdain
That’s the Tory right

Gangster government for gangster oligarchs
Swimming with the sharks
Forgetting that they bite

Gangster government for gangster lobbies
Ignoring the bodies
With indifferent spite

Evgeny Lebedev

He owns The Grapes, The Evening Standard, a collection of modern art
He owns the i and The Independent, although the Saudis now own part
He had a pet wolf called Boris, named after Yeltsin, they say
He owns a house in the grounds of Hampton Court Palace, and is a Baron of down that way
Yes, he’s the Baron of Hampton, in Richmond-upon-Thames
Because he counts Boris Johnson amongst his friends
(Who overruled concerns about security)
And his dad used to be in the KGB

Donald’s Coke

His campaign’s funded in roubles
He plays tennis with some Russian folk
He’s almost completely without scruples
And he’s snorting Donald’s coke

Now he’s lining up a barrage of sanctions
Its Churchill he’s trying to invoke
He’s getting a piece of the action
And snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

He’s a fan of foie gras and fur
He don’t care how the poor buggers croak
An opportunity Brexit conferred
While he was snorting Donald’s coke

Pounds, shillings, and pence
Don’t matter if you’re broke
Proposed by the Minister of Past Tense
Who’s been snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Keep keen eyes in the crow’s nest
He knows the system’s broke
Don’t worry about who can afford a test
While you’re snorting Donald’s coke

Here’s another strategic lie
Just call the dissenters woke
Dead cat meet table; ball, eye: bye, bye
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

War Footing

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Above criticism
Posing for pictures in a fighter plane

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Forget Partygate
It’s war for political advantage
Again

Spaffer’s on a war footing
Appearing Churchillian
When he closes his eyes
To better fantasise

Spaffer’s on a war footing
God help us
It wouldn’t be the first time the bodies piled high

Learning to Live With the Lies

There are ten different types of liar, he said
And that was a lie as well
He finds it as easy to tell an untruth
As he does the truth to tell
Of all the liars in all of the world
He’s the most comfortable liar you’ve heard
So, now we’re learning to live,
Learning to live with the lies

Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

45 minutes from mass destruction
Millions of pounds on the side of a bus
A programme of new hospital construction
And then they say that it’s all about us
Whenever there’s something they want us to do
They just find it easier to hide the truth
And now we’re learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies

There are big lies, little lies
Dirty lies, white lies
Lies to seem clean
And lies to the Queen
Smooth lies, compulsive lies
Bold lies, deceptive lies
Fake news, half truths
And lying as routine
Disinformation
Exaggeration
Lying as omission
They’re a lying machine
Weasel words, perjury
Minimising, puffery
Polite lies, paltering
Their lying is obscene

Their lies are obscene

(So now we’re)
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies
Learning to live with the lies that we’re told
Learning to live with the lies that we’re sold
Learning to live
Learning to live with the lies