Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down misery
Trickle-down poverty
Trickle down lies
And trickle-down dishonesty
Trickle-down rules
From a trickle-down clown
Only trickle down
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down parties
With trickle-down cakes
Trickle-down suitcased
Trickle-down fakes
Trickle-down fines
Come trickling down
From fifties to thousands
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down cough’s
Still trickle-down persistent
The trickle-down prof.’s
Still pretty non-existent
Now poxy monkey pox
Is trickling down
‘Cause the A/C’s always off
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down penny
Still hasn’t dropped
The trickle-down rises
Still haven’t stopped
Rishi’s five pence
Is nowhere to be found
On any forecourt
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down prices
Are trickle-down rising
A trickle-down crisis
Is hardly surprising
When trickle-down profits
Are still never found
In the trickle-down pockets
Of Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down prince
Reads a trickle-down speech
To a trickle-down house
With trickle-down reach
Sat on a trickle-down throne
Next to a trickle-down crown
Now they boo the national anthem
In Trickle-Down Town

Stealth Omicron

He’s splutting and coughering
Hot and bloody bothering
Feeling pretty rotten
And he’s tested twice

He’s sneezin’ and wheezin’
And snottin’ like a wee thing
It isn’t very pleasin’
It’s not very nice

But give him a day or two
It takes a while to come to view
He’ll get his second line up too
And now he’s had it twice

It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

He thought it was a heavy cold
He thought he’d got it all controlled
Now that LFTs are sold
Who’s gonna buy?

Now he’s coughing and spluttering
Shivering and shuddering
The country is recovering’s
Another lie

He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high

It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high

When Is It Over?

When is it over?
It’s over today
What on earth do you mean, said he
She said, it’s not gone away
But it’s over today
Because tests are no longer free
As a fool once said
In the time that he led
If you don’t look, then you won’t see
So, it’s over today
Without going away
Because tests are no longer free

Gangster Government

Gangster government for gangster bosses
Cutting their losses
With jobs and rights

Gangster government for gangster firms
Ripping up terms
To DP’s delight

Gangster governments for gangster companies
P&O Ferries
It ain’t alright

Gangster government’s crocodile tears
As it appears
They knew that night

Gangster government’s Brittania Unchained
Holds workers in disdain
That’s the Tory right

Gangster government for gangster oligarchs
Swimming with the sharks
Forgetting that they bite

Gangster government for gangster lobbies
Ignoring the bodies
With indifferent spite

Spaffer Flies to Ukraine

Spaffer Bodycount’s in the Ukraine
While back home Sue’s not named a name
Nor has Cressida, whose investigative prognosis
Is to name no names in a fixed penalty notice

We now see Save Big Dog in action
A report without need for redaction
Cites numerous cases of bad behaviour
Leadership and judgement failure
Bullying and drinking culture
All the fault of the management structure
Thus, the investigation, admittedly provisional
Finds fault with no named individual

The ensuing debate in Parliament
Saw the speaker end the argument
By throwing the SNP’s Blackford out
With a smirk on Bodycount’s face throughout
The Scotsman’s crime? To tell the truth
Obvious to even the most hapless sleuth
That the PM without doubts
Had once more mislead the house

The rules of Parliament, it transpires
Protect the members from being called liars
With more weight lent to disrespect
Than statements patently correct
While protecting the scoundrel prepared to channel
The ghost of paedophile Jimmy Savile
(Let’s not forget that distain
For investigation of the same
Is what gave Spaffer his name)

But back to the report itself
Before it’s found a convenient shelf
Compiled by the woman responsible
For MP Damien Green’s downfall
When he touched Kate Maltby inappropriately
And used work time to watch pornography
She also did a review, less blue
Of what was said at Plebgate too
But on Partygate she’s circumspect
As we’ve already come to expect
Handing over, on its release,
Responsibility to the police
Who’ve already hinted their intention
Is for names to not be mentioned

So as Save Big Dog hit its peak
It was time for Starmer to speak
With calls for integrity and honesty
Action with moral authority
Not the cruel smirks of superiority
Protected by an eighty-seat majority
But his calls for Bodycount to resign
Would require a leader with a spine
Not a naughty kid prepared to try
To hide behind a preposterous lie
So obvious and fake
As ambushed by a birthday cake

But if the 1922 Committee
By clever speech or desperate pity
Allow Bodycount to stay in role
Then they’d to well to avoid a poll
All of which now say
The public think he’s had his day
His loyalists, increasingly few
Have got some catching up to do
Like Truss, newly deep of voice
And Dorries who, if given the choice
Would rather another G&T
Than an interview on the TV

News just in, by the way
That the Met Police now say
That if Bodycount is handed a fine
Then he will be named at the time
So, if Dame Dick’s prepared to deny him
How much time will this trip buy him?

‘Cause Spaffer Bodycount’s in the Ukraine
A stateman-like wave on the steps of the plane
Can’t explain to a nation in pain
From do-as-I-sayers, not do-as-I-doers
With families in castles and morals in sewers
With lockdowns for you and parties for them
And lies again and again and again
That it’s one rule for them and another for you
Just how long do you think that he thinks that will do?

INVESTIGATION INTO ALLEGED GATHERINGS ON GOVERNMENT PREMISES DURING COVID RESTRICTIONS – UPDATE

Sue says when the pandemic’s high
Sue says when you restrict others’ lives
Sue says parties are difficult to justify
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says it’s a serious failure
Sue says it’s thoughtless behaviour
Sue says how do you think it will appear
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says consumption of excess alcohol
Sue says shouldn’t happen at work at all
Sue says it’s not very professional
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says the police are investigating
Sue says no more info is circulating
Sue says we shouldn’t be speculating
And Sue Gray don’t name names

Whose Rules?

Wash your hands, sing Happy Birthday
To mitigate airborne disease
While Bodycount and Downing Street
Have work events with wine and cheese

Mourn your dead by video conference
Press your palm on care home glass
While basement DJs spin the hits
For the drunken ruling class

Know your place, a three-word slogan
Take back control, get Brexit done
Silent spads and tight-lipped coppers
Will keep things quiet for now, for some

A wine time Friday, leaving party
Garden gathering, birthday cake
Who’s the fool when saving lives
Depends upon the rules they make

Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t know
Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t go
Spaffer Bodycount with a bottle of Bordeaux
Spaffer Bodycount, at lying he’s a pro

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he never went
Spaffer Bodycount lied about a work event
Spaffer Bodycount is definitely bent
Spaffer Bodycount will never repent

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount, he loves to partake
But now Spaffer Bodycount is looking for a break
Spaffer Bodycount can’t admit a mistake
Spaffer Bodycount got ambushed by cake

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount

Operation Save Big Dog

Apologise by not saying sorry
Don’t let Sue get too a priori
Make a list of your next quarry
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Ferguson went when he was too carefree
Hancock survived over PPE
But then got caught on CCTV
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Send ‘em Brandon Lewis tell him what to say
Send ‘em Liz Truss, tell her the same
Send ‘em Damian Hinds (who’s he anyway?)
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Tell a big lie, what have you got to lose?
With a suitcase of booze and a crap excuse
Hoping a Chinese spy will make the news
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Sacrifice a SpAd, that’s why you pay ‘em
They all know there comes a day when
A Barnard Castle eye test just won’t save ‘em
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
Not the whistleblowers, feed ’em to the dogs
Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

(Lyrics by Steve and Mark Commoner)

Sue Gray

Need talk about a party to just go away?
Do you need to keep the metropolitan police at bay?
Has your shopping trolley got wheels of clay?
Then you need Sue Gray

Did you touch Kate Maltby in an inappropriate way?
Did you use your work computer for some “me time” play?
Did you lie about it all on Radio 4’s Today?
Send for Sue Gray

Need a pint at the end of a bandit country day?
Who could do a job for Theresa May?
What did Andrew Mitchell actually say?
You could ask Sue Gray

Have your friends in Scotland cried, “Foul play”?
Does breaking two years’ silence fill you with dismay?
Do you need to survive PMQ’s to fight another day?
Then you need Sue Gray