Andy says get water
Angie says get wine
Andy says get plasters
Angie says that’s fine
Though maybe she misheard him
Three days’ worth should do
Perhaps another bottle then
And tins of custard too
Andy says get prepping
Oh, if you insist
But tell me, what’s on your
Apocalypse shopping list
Category: poetry
The Nobel Prize
There’s a global prize for peace
A noble prize some say at least
Although Alfred’s better known for dynamite
Every year, he gets a wash
With prizes funded by his dosh
To put the blowing people up a bit right
“I want it,” Donald roars
“I’ve ended maybe eight wars”
“And FIFA made one specially for me”
Like he can invade Venezuela
And just pick the prize up later
Kissinger got one, after all, in ‘73
But the committee, I suppose
(Although no one really knows)
Won’t succumb to Donny’s bribery or threats
But if this poem is a clue
That there’s a prize for poets too
Neither of us, I suspect, is worth your bets
Yes, But Who Is Danny Tommo?
The publicly Christian
privately fascist
ex-public schoolboy
knife in his fist
is a failed kidnapper
failed The Hussars
throws steroid tantrums
drives borrowed cars
and we are told
fourteen years ago
a failure who pissed himself
in Walthamstow
Frogface Is Missing
We don’t hear him on the radio
We don’t see him on TV
It’s got us all a-wondering
Where might old Frogface be?
He won’t ring Nick Ferrari
He’s a Question Time absentee
If he’s out there drinking Chablis
It ain’t in Clacton-on-Sea
Is he hiding out with young Posh George
Or in Cryptoland with Chris?
For someone so ubiquitous
Something must be amiss
His office said ‘He’s working from home’
But didn’t say which one
The speculation’s rising
That Frogface might be done
The Toilet Police
The Tolpuddle Martyrs
Nigel’s Crooked Millions
A Two Grand Hat
Miscarriage Of Justice Johnson
Justice Jeremy Johnson
Prefers a show trial
To a jury’s denial
Will let you say what
But not why
Will not let you justify
The smashing of weapons of war
Or explain what they would have been for
The destruction of Gaza
A disallowed answer
As he backs the government’s game
Justice Jeremy Johnson
Should hang his bewigged head in shame
