Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
A life without cheese, he said
Is very much mistaken
Yeah, but fowl
Yeah, but beast
I need to feast on the grease
Of the recently deceased
Yeah, but blood
Yeah, but bones
A meal ain’t for real
Without its grunts and its groans
Yeah, but murder
Yeah, but torture
Make it well done between the bun
Of your lunch order
Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
The blind eye that’s in the pie
Of which you have partaken
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Says some are dog and some are cat
Some are ball and some are bat
Some are tit and some are tat
Some are standing, some are sat
Some are swallowed, some are spat
Some are gloss and some are matt
Some are splash and some are splat
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Some are X and some are Y
Some are wet and some are dry
Some are low and some are high
Some are sell and some are buy
Some are sea and some are sky
Some are girl and some are guy
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
Ten points to Gryffindor, hooray
You’re a boy, now go away
You’re a boy and that is that
Says JK Rowling’s sorting hat
They said when I was younger
Automation would be the thing
The robots would do the heavy lifting
While we could play and sing
But now I’m older and the world is greyer
I dunno who’s at the controls
‘Cause the robots are writing poetry
And I’m still digging holes
I’ll swear no oath to kings and queens
The primacy of royal genes
I’ll pledge allegiance to my class
The King can kiss my worker’s arse
The council haven’t put up any bunting
The local Tories are running amuck
The coronation! We must be doing something
But most people really couldn’t give a fuck
You can apply to close your street for a party
Undisturbed by car, van, or truck
To celebrate the crowning of King Charlie
But most people really couldn’t give a fuck
There’s a union jack outside the butchers
Where he sells patriots their beef, lamb and duck
But he might as well be flogging fishless fingers
Because most people really couldn’t give a fuck
An extra day off work? Well, who wouldn’t?
Courtesy of newly crowned King Chuck
But don’t take it as some kind of endorsement
Because most people really couldn’t give a fuck
Drizzling the King with special magic oil
From an eagle-shaped bottle, just for luck
An archbishop and a golden spoon
Honestly, we couldn’t give a fuck
Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep food on our plate
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans*
And golden carriages of state
Kings and queens are all, it seems
We need to keep us warm and fed
Kings and queens and Heinz Baked Beans
And Tory Warburtons sliced bread**
So, boo to cost of living crisis
Boo to rising staple prices
Hurrah for Charlie and Camilla
Beans on toast again for dinner
*Well, you’ve got to have standards
**Other bread is available
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
If you support the celebration
Then you can make a small donation
Crowdfund the coronation
But make it so that each donation
Ticks a box to just make sure
You’d rather not give to the poor
Crowdfund the coronation
Don’t pay for it from our taxation
Of which we’re told there’s such a dearth
We can’t pay nurses what they’re worth
Crowdfund the coronation
And if folk need some motivation
A celebrity-packed one day’s TV
Can raise some cash for kings in need
Crowdfund the coronation
Crowdfund the whole damn operation
The nation then with one accord
Will have the royals they can afford
Diddy Rishi Dastardly’s petard will soon be hoist
“Yes General”, he says to the off-screen muffled voice
But Zilly’s done a runner, he thinks Rwanda isn’t fair
And Klunk has got a legal plan that hasn’t got a prayer
While Dastardly just wants the Vulture Squadron in the air
‘Cause Yankee Doodle Refugee will lose him Red Wall votes
While Muttley snickers “medal”, he’s crying “Stop the boats!”
What the fuck are resignation honours
Can they be bought with foreign dollars
Or are they just for a certain type of cad
Like the ex-PM’s wife-beating dad
With form for familial awards
Having put his brother in the House of Lords
If we’re to let him have his way
Then their post-nominals all should say
KBTW, BJ
Displayed proudly by their name
Arise, Sir Stanley, Lord of Wrong ‘Un
Knighted by that wanker, Boris Johnson
There’s too much choice these days, says Thérèse
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
We’re not to blame for the rain in Spain
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Cherish specialism, not pessimism
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
The bill’s too high for your local supply
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Fruit and veg ration is the latest fashion
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
And it’s nothing to do with leaving the EU
Vote tomatoes, get turnips
Steve White & The Protest Family 