There’s blood on the hands of Boris Johnson Blood on the hands of Dominic Cummings Blood on the hands of Therese Coffey Who says that we’re all to blame
There’s blood on the hands of Matt Hancock Blood on the hands of Dominic Raab Blood on the hands of Boris Johnson For whom it’s always been a game
If most of the people follow most of the rules Most of the rules most of the time When the rule makers blame the rule breakers Whose is the greater crime?
One zero zero Zero zero zero He’s sticking firmly to his line On mistakes, now is not the time
There’s blood on the hands of Boris Johnson Blood on the hands of Priti Patel Blood on the hands of Gavin Williamson And Duncan Smith’s hands as well
If most of the people follow most of the rules Most of the rules most of the time When the rule makers blame the rule breakers Whose is the greater crime?
One zero zero Zero zero zero He’s sticking firmly to his line On mistakes, now is not the time
How would you spend a million pounds a day? Buy two small flats in Walthamstow, Or a big one, round Hackney way? You could give up work and visit Marseilles, Or park a new Ferrari, on your new driveway. If you sliced your drive, you could buy the fairway, Or put on a play, on Broadway. You could spend a million pounds on Monday, And have a million more again on Tuesday. You could hire Elton John to play Or Adele, or even Beyoncé For three performances a day. You could buy a small painting by Monet Or quite a few by Bernard Buffet. You could wear a new pair of trainers every day, Then give ‘em away. And never mind coffee, you could buy the café.
But if you find yourself round Downing Street way, You’ll send your million pounds a day Your mate Dido Harding’s way Who gives it all to Deloitte, they say For test and trace that even today Is still not okay.
The OCEANS1 have spoken and this is what they say: Maxine wants the vaccine but hesitant Henry Will leave it for another day. Maxine figures that “yes” is the word But “no” is the word triggering some of the herd Or “not yet” like Henry’s hedging bet. What’s good for Maxine is good for you As the herd starts to build immunity too, Not like Henry’s individualist minority view. Now, Henry says he has no truck with conspiracy But his hesitancy is evidently Led by talk of speed and efficacy And side-effects versus getting the disease, But please. The difference between Maxine and Henry Is clear to see. Maxine cares about us, Henry cares about me.
1 Oxford Coronavirus Explanations, Attitudes and Narratives Survey
We’ve been in this pandemic a year or more Cough away boys, cough away A global pandemic from shore to shore Cough away boys, cough away
Cough away, cough away Cough away boys, cough away Cough away, cough away This was all she had to say
Governments respond very differently Cough away boys, cough away Based on the fact society Cough away boys, cough away
We’ve seen just deaths around the world Cough away boys, cough away Harrowing death tolls around the world Cough away boys, cough away
We let the scientists and medics guide us Cough away boys, cough away So there’s no single reason for you to chide us Cough away boys, cough away
The numbers are deeply tragic Cough away boys, cough away But it’s still a global pandemic Cough away boys, cough away
You know in the future we’ll all look back Cough away boys, cough away At the could haves the should haves we can’t take back Cough away boys, cough away
If you think this is a speech with nothing to say Cough away boys, cough away It was Priti Patel just the other day Cough away boys, cough away
What she actually said. (Courtesy of Michael Spicer).
Born in Hammersmith Went to school at Eton Then Trinity College Oxford Presided over the Tory Association Went into the City Started a hedge fund Amassed what they call A significant fortune Estimated worth 150 million Married into money Helen The Chair A mate of his sister’s Who was always there
Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish
Moved into politics In ‘97 Didn’t get elected then Or even at the next ‘un In Scotland they though he was Too posh Canvassing with nanny Got a resounding 9% Fuck off, toff Complained to Piggy Cameron That his quotas weren’t right Said parliament oughta be 95% white Nicked a speech off Trevor Kavanagh Faked an interview and then Got a seat in North East Somerset In 2010
Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish
In parliament he became King of the filibuster Thought he was funny With his history and verse Holding the record in the Commons For the longest word spoken But spoke other words That were even worse Addressing members of the far-right Traditional Britain society Who would have some of us Made deportees And said quarter of a million quid Spent on MPs portraits Was just chicken feed
Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish
He got a hand up into government From a fellow Old Etonian Leader of the House of Commons, no less Then was kept away from the mics and the cameras After he said the Grenfell victims Lacked common sense Now , chief Eurosceptic Out of all the Eurosceptics Said Trump will be our best ally After Brexit He likes Brits to be Brits And the poor to be poor And says gay marriage Still breaks the church’s law
Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish
He broke the lockdown rules ‘Cos he prefers a Latin mass His relationship with god Is more important, more pious Than your relationship With coronavirus He wasn’t born to follow He was born to lead And his vicious defence of the status quo Is just born of greed
Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish Jacob’s fish are happy fish But Jacob can just fuck off
After the success of Santa is English, we’ve decided for as long as we’re locked down we’ll produce and put out a new video every few weeks, recorded and shot in isolation but brought together by our nascent mixing and video editing skills and the power of the internet.
The first one lands this week, using up previously unreleased footage from the last time that we were allowed to meet up outdoors, after that, we really are flying solo (together).
Over eighty thousand people died Or under four hundred according to Paul Who doesn’t count the over-60’s at all Or anyone with a pre-existing condition Like asthma, diabetes or hypertension Or maybe just walking with a limp.
(You can check out the numbers for yourself here).
My postie’s being bullied by Iain Duncan Smith With his smug face and folded arms On posters showing all his charmless DWP-ness And shaming sick statistics, A careless Tory trick which Doesn’t mention COVID at all. A deliberate omission From a man in his position. “43% are absent from work” he cries To his allies About workers they despise Though, in truth, deserving of a pay rise For tireless work on the pandemic front line Getting your mail to you on time, Because when it’s not just a touch of the ‘flu Post every other day will do. So, I am righteously miffed That my postie’s being bullied by Iain Duncan Smith
The right bullets fired from the wrong gun Will miss their target one by one There’s only one sharp shot in a Johnson Now we’ve got the right bullets In the wrong gun
When the truth as you tell it changes From sunrise to sunset When definitely safe means definitely not safe This is the recoil that you’ll get And you’re not as persuasive As your Latin teacher told ya And you’re relying on a fair wind To get you that far When no one believes you know The what or the how Not even JVT Can help you now
The right bullets fired from the wrong gun Missing their targets one by one There’s only one sharp shot in a Johnson It’s the right bullets In the wrong gun
Don’t say We are where we are We are where we are, we are where we are Where are we? We are where we are We are where we are, we are where we are Don’t say where are we?
When the truth as you tell it changes From speech to speech and ear to ear When definitely safe means definitely not safe This is the recoil that you fear And you’re not as persuasive As your Latin teacher told ya And you’re relying on a fair wind To get you that far When no one believes you know The what or the how Not even JVT Can help you now
The right bullets fired from the wrong gun Missing their targets one by one There’s only one sharp shot in a Johnson It’s the right bullets Fired by the wrong gun
Henry Hooray Huntingdon Hunter Pretends to no one it’s a trail hunt With his pinks and his horse and his Boxing Day booze He’s got the horn for a bit of sport “I say, fine day” for folk of his sort
Julia Hooray Huntingdon Hunter Would rather be a supporter Her and her daughter 4×4 around Checking out the hounds And the horseback clowns
Terry the terrierman Keeps his dogs in a box Next to shovels and spades Used to dig out a fox King of the quad bike A doffer of caps Not the nicest of chaps
Sebastian, field secretary The collector of subs From the killers of foxes And murderers of cubs Rides at the rear Prefers the hilltop scene Likes to imagine that his hands are clean
Walter whips-in For Henry Hooray Huntsman Summoned to trouble shoot By Henry Hooray’s horn He’s paid to spot foxes He’s paid to control hounds To keep them out of the neighbours’ Gardens and grounds But when called to explain A fox ripped limb from limb It was never anything to do with him
Inspector Carl Copper See nothing wrong here A country pursuit That the locals hold dear If there’s a breach of the peace It’s not that of the fox’s And he’ll brook no disruption Or interruption Of Henry Hooray Huntingdon Hunter’s day out Today or any other day He’ll just say “go away”
The hunt saboteur Recognises them all Julia Follower Henry Hooray’s hunting call Terry the terrierman With his dogs in a box Walter whipping-in Denying chasing a fox Sebastian the secretary Who never gets near And Inspector Ineffective Who will see nothing here
So when you’ve finished the tofurkey Tucked the last mince pie away The sabs will still have work to do On Boxing Day
Steve White & The Protest Family 