Killing Birds (The Gamekeeper’s Song)

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer for real
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By those with flat cap and Barbour jacket zeal

Thinks the Prime Minister’s a clown
But an Oxford man in parliament
Keeps taxes down

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer for real
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By those with flat cap and
Barbour jacket zeal

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Establishment shill

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

Thinks the Prime Minister’s a comedy toff
But an Oxford man in parliament
Will keep the protestors off

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Establishment shill

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Gary just likes to kill

Boxing Day

Henry Hooray Huntingdon Hunter
Pretends to no one it’s a trail hunt
With his pinks and his horse and his Boxing Day booze
He’s got the horn for a bit of sport
“I say, fine day” for folk of his sort

Julia Hooray Huntingdon Hunter
Would rather be a supporter
Her and her daughter
4×4 around
Checking out the hounds
And the horseback clowns

Terry the terrierman
Keeps his dogs in a box
Next to shovels and spades
Used to dig out a fox
King of the quad bike
A doffer of caps
Not the nicest of chaps

Sebastian, field secretary
The collector of subs
From the killers of foxes
And murderers of cubs
Rides at the rear
Prefers the hilltop scene
Likes to imagine that his hands are clean

Walter whips-in
For Henry Hooray Huntsman
Summoned to trouble shoot
By Henry Hooray’s horn
He’s paid to spot foxes
He’s paid to control hounds
To keep them out of the neighbours’
Gardens and grounds
But when called to explain
A fox ripped limb from limb
It was never anything to do with him

Inspector Carl Copper
See nothing wrong here
A country pursuit
That the locals hold dear
If there’s a breach of the peace
It’s not that of the fox’s
And he’ll brook no disruption
Or interruption
Of Henry Hooray Huntingdon Hunter’s day out
Today or any other day
He’ll just say “go away”

The hunt saboteur
Recognises them all
Julia Follower
Henry Hooray’s hunting call
Terry the terrierman
With his dogs in a box
Walter whipping-in
Denying chasing a fox
Sebastian the secretary
Who never gets near
And Inspector Ineffective
Who will see nothing here

So when you’ve finished the tofurkey
Tucked the last mince pie away
The sabs will still have work to do
On Boxing Day

Joly and the Fox

Boxing Day: the big day in the hunting calendar and, amid horrid scenes from hunts across the country, including footage of a sab vehicle being battered with a dead fox 1, we got this from leading barrister, Jolyon Maugham:

jolyfox

Where do you start? What sort of person does that? And why? What sort of barrister, a QC no less, keeps a baseball bat handy, just in case? Further revelations from Mr Maugham included that he was wearing his wife Claire’s green kimono and was nursing a hangover with coffee at the time of the attack. The poor animal was trapped in netting near Mr Maugham’s chicken coop and Jolyon the Fox Batterer further excused his behaviour by explaining that the RSPCA were unavailable in Central London that day. 2

A one-off atrocity then, out of character from a man more used to a courtroom than a barroom brawl or, indeed, a baseball match, a man who has dedicated his not inconsiderable talent as a lawyer to taxation and to legal challenges to leaving the European Union. But wait, what about this tweet from November, some six weeks before he bludgeoned a fox to death in his garden, wearing his wife’s kimono?

jolyfox2

Hard not to assume that the baseball bat is his weapon of choice, rather than just fell to hand, and was kept nearby for the explicit purpose of clubbing a fox to death. That’s not for us to determine, of course, that’ll be for the police, CPS and the courts. 3  Jolyon did, helpfully, ring the RSPCA and explain what he’d done once he realised that maybe his tweet hadn’t achieved overwhelming public support. It says a lot about his attitude to the fox’s life and cruel death that he thought it suitable material for his audience on Twitter.

So we say this: On this matter Mr Maugham, we are not on your side. We’re on the side of the fox.

We know a song about him:

Here comes Mr Superior

Here comes Mr Slightly Shocked

Here comes Mr Christmas Hangover

Here comes Mr Bash the Fox

Here comes Mr Green Kimono

Here comes Mr Property

Here comes Mr Tooth and Claw

Here comes Mr Atrocity

Oh yeah

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Heseltine strangled his mum’s dog

Emily’s mum put down the cats

Walter Palmer killed Cecil the Lion

Now here comes the lawyer with the baseball bat

Oh yeah

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Oh yeah

Here comes Mr Superior

Here comes Mr Bludgeon it to Death

Here comes Mr Devereux Chambers

Here comes Mr Fox’s last breath

Here comes Mr Waiting for Tax

Here comes Mr Sorry ‘Bout That

Here comes Mr Defender of Chickens

Here comes the lawyer with the baseball bat

Oh yeah

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Heseltine strangled his mum’s dog

Skint Emily’s mum put down the cats

Walter Palmer killed Cecil the Lion

Now here comes the lawyer with the baseball bat

Oh yeah

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Heseltine strangled his mum’s dog

Skint Emily’s mum put down the cats

Walter Palmer killed Cecil the Lion

Now here comes the lawyer with the baseball bat

Oh yeah

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

Joly and the fox

We know a song about him.

Steve

  1. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/dec/27/police-investigate-film-of-man-hitting-van-with-dead-fox
  2. We don’t know what their availability might have been, but you can always get hold of an emergency vet.
  3. Wait, is that the sound of us collectively holding our breath? If you believe in petitions, signing this may help the CPS decide if a prosecution is in the public interest: https://www.change.org/p/cps-cps-to-investigate-and-prosecute-jolyon-maugham-for-cruelty-to-a-fox

 

P.S. Hat-tip to PJ for the reminders about Michael Heseltine and Emily Thornberry.

The Side of the Fox

Fox Logo

Genuinely written one Boxing Day out of anger and frustration waiting for the hit reports to come in.

As the election approaches, a reminder: there may be no manifesto pledge to repeal the Hunting Act but Boris Johnson is pro-hunt. He repeatedly voted against the ban and even went so far as to suggest hunting urban foxes on horseback. “This will cause massive unpopularity but I don’t care” he quipped. Oh, what a laugh.

Of course Farage is too, it speaks of the imaginary England that he wants to return to, and he supports the violent and bloodthirsty Old Surrey, Burstow and West Kent hunt.[1] His decision not to stand in the election is both cowardly and cute, as it frees him up to travel the country campaigning with Brexit Party candidates with no pressure to succeed in his own constituency.

I’m acutely aware that Protest For Dummies, the album that features The Side of the Fox, is approaching it’s third birthday, and that the time, space, finance and recording logistics for the fourth Protest Family studio album are still matters for the future, so, taking them into my own hands, I will attempt to record the band myself over the next few weeks, having learned some valuable lessons in the process of creating solo efforts Snowflake and Fake News From Nowhere.

Fox, due a refresh with drums, is on the list, with another five songs currently in guide track form. Next step is Andi on the kit and then we’ll see.

Wish us luck, and (watch this space).

Steve

Boys and Dogs

[1] https://www.huntsabs.org.uk/index.php/faqs/92-news/press-releases/552-nigel-farage-attends-boxing-day-meet-of-violent-huntsman-again