Operation Moonshot

Is Operation Moonshot
The best that you’ve got?
Chucking in our lot
With a punt on a long shot?

Astronaut Spaffer, it has to be said
Is comfortable speaking out the back of his head
But a 20-minute test when you get out of bed
Sounds like he’s just bet it all on red

Is Operation Moonshot
The best that you’ve got?
Chucking in our lot
With a punt on a long shot?

Cosmonaut Spaffer of the rule of six
Reckons he’s got a long-term fix
A quick test between toothpaste and lacing up your kicks
Trouble is it doesn’t yet exist

Is Operation Moonshot
The best that you’ve got?
Chucking in our lot
With a punt on a long shot?

Starfleet Spaffer’s new COVID marshal
Badge and gun, pledge to be impartial
Breaking up a seven-plus party in your local
Doing it for free, there’s no money on the table

Is Operation Moonshot
The best that you’ve got?
Chucking in our lot
With a punt on a long shot?

Spaceman Spaffer’s shooting for the moon
Spit in the pot, you’ll know pretty soon
If you’re going back to work or back to your room
Are we watching a PM or a cartoon?

Is Operation Moonshot
The best that you’ve got?
Chucking in our lot
With a punt on a long shot?

The Under 21s

You’ve relaxed too much says Van Tam
Relax, go back to work says that Johnson man
Is it any wonder you’re confused?
Does anyone understand all the rules?
Stick to your guns
Blame the under 21’s

A harder, faster lockdown in Bolton
Let’s hope the locals don’t get their revolt on
Don’t let the subject pass their eyes
That the response is still too centralised
Stick to your guns
Blame the under 21’s

It’s the uni crowd the way they carry on and party
You know that term ain’t actually started
But the numbers from the test and trace don’t lie
Who do you think’s in the service industry front line?
Stick to your guns
Blame the under 21’s

They’re better than us without even trying
They know when politicians are lying
The mess of the world, they understand it
Just as we’re about to underhand it
So when election time comes
Remember who you blamed: the under 21’s

A Man With a Fascist Flag

The anti-mask brigade
Were far too easily swayed
By conspiracy theorists
And it’s not real it’s
Just Government lies
And surprise, surprise
A man with a fascist flag

The anti-mask brigade
In Trafalgar Square today
Chanting the virus is a hoax
And laughing at David Icke’s jokes
Were joined by QAnon memes
And alt-right, far right themes
And a man with a fascist flag

The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag

The anti-mask brigade
See their freedom ebbing away
Freedom to catch the virus
Freedom to pass it to us
Freedom to believe a lie
Freedom to turn a blind eye
To the man with the fascist flag

The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag

The anti-mask brigade
Took Trafalgar Square today
Sanity over madness they spew
While the converse appears true
Joined by anti-Semitic conspiracies
And bad information about the disease
And a man with a fascist flag

The flag that we tore down at Cable Street
That we fought from ’39 to ’45 to defeat
From the International Brigades
We’ll fight to the present day
When we see a man with a fascist flag

 

(Living Life on the Lookout for A) Second Wave

I hear they’re talking about a second wave, said Jason
We haven’t really got the first one out of the way
It’s a good job we didn’t take that trip to Spain
I couldn’t afford a fortnight with no pay
And they’re increasing self-isolation to ten days

Isn’t a meal out pretty safe? said Joanna
A pub garden if we all behave?
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave

But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain that it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave

I spoke to my brother the other day, said Jason
They couldn’t afford for work to be locked down again
They’ve agreed that for all of them it’s for the best
That if they get poorly, they won’t get a test
They don’t want to hear what a contact tracer might say

The kids need their holidays, said Joanna
Their friends are all going their separate ways
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave

But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave

The most excess deaths in Europe, said Jason
You’ve gotta listen to what I’ve gotta say
It’s business they care for that’s 100% the case
And they need you to start feeling safe
But they ain’t got nothing in place

The local lockdowns are far away, said Joanna
We could go out before we have to do that all again
Do you think that we just need to be a little brave?
You can’t live your life looking out for a second wave

But Jason ain’t going to the pub today
Jason’s still scrutinising what they say
Jason is certain it’s on its way
He’s living life on the lookout for a second wave

Cassie Sunshine (Is Wearing a G-String on Her Face)

They gathered in their hundreds in sunny Hyde Park
Their patriotic faces free to feel the breeze
One man had cut the middle out of his mask
They’re here to Keep Britain Free

They’re gathered here to protest about the mask
They don’t like being told, would prefer to be asked
Because it’s an impingement on their civil liberty
That’s no way to Keep Britain Free

Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Her protest banner has been replaced
By sexy undercrackers made out of black lace
And Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face

If the government thought it was right, she asks
Then that’s what they should’ve said from the start
There’s important scientists saying there’s no need
It’s more important to Keep Britain Free

Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Her protest banner has been replaced
By sexy undercrackers made out of black lace
And Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face

Face nappies, muzzles, she won’t take part
Cassie Sunshine won’t wear a mask
Cassie Sunshine wants to Keep Britain Free
Thankfully Cassie’s in a minority

Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
Her protest banner has been replaced
By sexy undercrackers made out of black lace
And Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face
And Cassie Sunshine is wearing a g-string on her face

 

A Masked Man Walks Into a Bar

A masked man walks into a bar
Just another day in the New Rose & Crown
It’s the pub of the damned, he orders a beer and sits down
He contemplates life and the new rules
Where everybody’s encouraged to go back to work and go back to school
Where one metre plus means you have to cover your face
That’s how he’s ended up coming in masked to this place
He looks from his beer to his mask and from his mask to his beer
As it all becomes frustratingly clear
That the logic of this thing just doesn’t make any sense at all

A masked man walks into a bar
It’s neat, neat, neat from all that pre-opening cleaning
It’s the pub of the damned, just with better housekeeping
He orders a pint of beer and sits down
While he ponders the end of the lockdown
And he asks himself what is a pub if it’s not a shop that sells live booze
And if you’re gonna have to wear a mask in a supermarket what’s boozer got to lose?
He looks from his beer to his mask and his mask to his beer
As Johnson’s muddied message fails to become clear
And the logic of this thing doesn’t make any sense at all

A masked man walks into a bar
Orders a large whiskey while he’s waiting for the blackout
There’s plenty of room inside not that many people out
It’s the pub of the damned and he just can’t be happy today
And they wouldn’t even take his cash when he tried to pay
He picks up his paper and reads in the comments
That your mask does nothing except to give you confidence
He looks from his whiskey to his mask and his mask to his whiskey
And there’s a world of handshakes that he still can’t see
And the logic of this thing doesn’t make any sense at all

A masked man walks into a bar….

My COVID Discount

I’m heading off down the Mount
I’m checking my bank account
I’m going for a meal out
With my COVID discount

Rishi said for 13 days in August
A discount of up to a tenner a head
If you want to redeem you must
Sit in when you break your bread

I’m heading off down the Mount
I’m checking my bank account
I’m going for a meal out
With my COVID discount

It’s like herd immunity didn’t happen
To quite enough of the herd
So get your best togs and get your slap on
And get those aerosol drops transferred

I’m heading off down the Mount
I’m checking my bank account
I’m going for a meal out
With my COVID discount

Rishi said Eat Out to Help Out
Check your local restaurant out
Gotta get yourselves out and about
Ride the economic roundabout

I’m heading off down the Mount
I’m checking my bank account
I’m going for a meal out
With my COVID discount

 

Coronavirus 1-0 Bolsonaro

“I’m well, normal” said the man in the mask
Has he ever been normal? Don’t ask
And the trip to Bahia is off
Cos the president has got a cough

It’s just a little flu
Even if I were to get ill
Now it’s Coronavirus one
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil

A captain with athletic history
65 thousand dead, no mystery
Said the virus is unstoppable
In fact, it’s 70% probable

So he ain’t gonna do nothing……

It’s just a little flu
Even if I were to get ill
Now it’s Coronavirus one
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil

Anti-malarials and antibiotics
He’s had to admit “Yeah, I got it”
Hugged the ambassador without regret
Todd Adams ain’t showing virus symptoms
Yet…..

It’s just a little flu
Even if I were to get ill
Now it’s Coronavirus one
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil
Bolsonaro nil

Spaghetti Bolognese (A Very English Tea)

I thought that the COVID-19 songs could do with starting before the Quarantine the Queen and should probably introduce Joanna and Jason earlier, so here they are pre-lockdown in times we would have referred to as normal.

Joanna’s in the kitchen
Chopping onions, peeling garlic
Watching the news by the way
Deserted streets, men in hazmat suits
In a city far, far away

She’s got carrots and celery
A good sauce to hide veg in
Wuhan or something like that
Looking like a scene in a disaster movie
She couldn’t point to on a map

Jason puts the kettle on
It’s too early for wine
He might save it for the weekend anyway
Says what’s that you’re watching love?
It all looks a bit doomsday

Pandemics happen to other people
Other cultures, other countries
Something about the way they live, I guess
Without trying to put it bluntly
It must be dreadful but they’re not like us
I’m not sure we’d make such a fuss
It’s like something you’d watch on TV
And it’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea

She’s frying off the mince
There’s a tin of tomatoes
And a stock cube ready on the side
The broadcaster’s voice remains calm
About how many could die

Jason’s looking at his Huawei phone
If he’d open the bottle
She’d have a glass of wine
Remember that bird flu
And the panic about that at the time?

Pandemics happen to other people
Never here and not like that
Something about the way they live, I guess
Like some people eat dog or even cat
It must be dreadful but they’re not like us
And I’m not sure we’d make such of a fuss
It’s like something you’d watch on TV
And it’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea

That’s not normal and our lives are
That’s why we’re watching it from afar
There’s nothing to fear
It couldn’t happen here
Shall we eat in front of the TV?
It’s spaghetti Bolognese for tea