Tag Archives: songwriting

Dominic Ran Away (Again)

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

Dominic kept running ‘til he got to Durham Town
In defiance of the rule of law and the lockdown
With his wife and his son, they hit the motorway
So, who did Dominic infect along the way?

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

On the 30th of March they said that he was ill
With a fortnight’s isolation at home to fulfil
Now, in Westminster the rules are all well known
But soon he was sighted at his parents’ home

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

His wife said he lay doggo and his muscles they did twitch
But was silent on the secret of their location switch
Ten days of fever and of lockdown fourteen
But on the 12th he was in Barnard Castle seen

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

Soon fit and well he was back at Downing Street
Assuming that his trip up north had been discreet
But another demonstration that he holds you in disdain
He was seen on the 19th back in Durham Town again

Away run away and advisor fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder he fled Downing Street
Away run away keep the media at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings upped and ran away

 

Swimming With Sharks

The scientists had a meeting
Away from SAGE and Cummings’ aides
We’re logical folk unaccustomed to cheating
But there’s some things we need to say

Did you hear Therese Coffey the other day
“If the advice was wrong, it’s ‘cos the science was wrong”
Colleagues that just isn’t OK
It’s time for us to start being strong

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

Not just her, they’re all the same
Hancock keeps saying he followed the science
Here it comes: The blame game
They’re going to claim innocent compliance

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

So, who here wants to take the blame
For the care home catastrophe?
Because it’s us they’ll happily defame
But it wasn’t you and it wasn’t me

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

We’re up against the spin machine
We’ll need a slogan to survive
One that won’t keep their hands clean
Here’s one we can try:

Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide
Scientists advise, politicians decide

Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks
Swimming with sharks
We’re swimming with sharks

(Anyone got the number of a marine biologist?)

Five Tests

Joanna’s trying to listen to the press conference
Jason’s chatting ‘bout Brexit but it’s getting tense
Quiet she says before I lose my tolerance
I don’t understand this rule
I don’t want Mum going back to work in that school

He says it’s just another day to bury bad news
If you were in Ireland, you might have a different view
If we don’t pay attention there’s a lot to lose
She says I can’t think about that now it’s cruel
I’m too worried ‘bout Mum going back to that school

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

You know her health’s not good but she’s not protected
So, you’ll forgive me if I’m a little disconnected
Heaven help her if she got infected
And she can only see her grandkids on Zoom
But they’re making her go back to work in that school

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

He said yeah, I hear you I know what they’re like
They’ll risk the economy against a second spike
Hopefully the teachers will all go on strike
Don’t listen to that Dowden fool
No one wants your mum back to work in that school
(Not ‘til she’s ready)

Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met
Five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
They keep talking ‘bout five tests
But I can’t tell what they’ve met

Work Is Safe (Tell ‘Em)

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Gove said that he can guarantee
Your total in-school safety
Then he said that nothing’s ever safe

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

A key part of his calculation
Is that the kids stay in formation
Like they would actually stay six feet apart

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Breathing is safer than talking
Talking is safer than walking and talking
And breathing and talking
And walking and talking
Are all safer than singing
And singing’s safer than coughing
And coughing’s safer than sneezing
So, if you’re sneezing and you’re coughing
And you’re coughing and you’re singing
And you’re singing and you’re walking
And you’re walking and you’re talking
And you’re talking and you’re breathing

Don’t let the risks accumulate
Don’t add the risks you have to take
To the risks that you don’t have to take

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Gove said that he can guarantee
Your total in-school safety
Then he said that nothing’s ever safe

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

The other thing that they advise
To radically reduce class size
No one knows where the extra classrooms are

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Breathing is safer than talking
Talking is safer than walking and talking
And breathing and talking
And walking and talking
Are all safer than singing
And singing’s safer than coughing
And coughing’s safer than sneezing
So, if you’re sneezing and you’re coughing
And you’re coughing and you’re singing
And you’re singing and you’re walking
And you’re walking and you’re talking
And you’re talking and you’re breathing

Don’t let the risks accumulate
Don’t add the risks you have to take
To the risks that you don’t have to take

Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe
Work is safe, tell ‘em work is safe

Britain First Want Their Virus Back

Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
A party in the park for the unbelievers
Some of whom will go home with fevers
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy

Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
They believe in freedom and sovereignty
They believe in a world that’s vaccine-free
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy

Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
Attempting poor far-right recruitment
Inventing the UK Freedom Movement
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy

“End the lockdown” say the fash
Come to our Saturday picnic bash
Come and listen to racist speakers
But please try to stay apart two metres
Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back

Heigh-Ho

We turned on our morning radio show
To hear the traffic was running slow
We really didn’t want to go
On the day Johnson that cried “Heigh-Ho”

There’s a one-way system but the canteen’s shut
And social distancing on site’s full of “but”
Who’s ill here? We don’t want to know
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”

Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you

You should cover your face to get the bus
But it looks like that might be just us
The tube is elbow to elbow
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”

The Commons floor is covered in tape
They’re dialling in to their debates
That’s not an option for many though
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”

Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you

There’s problems at the Blackwall Tunnel
There’s problems on the A13
There’s problems at Canning Town station
We hear police are on the scene

Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you

Life under the curve suggests
That we might not be halfway yet
The numbers are gonna continue grow
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”

Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you