Kingmakerfield (A Song For Jason)

Cotton mills, collieries
Weaving sheds and potteries
Hinges, locks, files and nails
Labour leadership emails
From Makerfield
Made in Makerfield
Kingmakerfield

Now there’s too much derelict land
Spoil tips, we understand
Where the pits used to be
In the a la mode constituency
Of Makerfield
Makerfield
Kingmakerfield

Wes didn’t fire the starting gun
For the race to be number one
He’s waiting for the northwest son
From Makerfield
Kingmakerfield

The diocese of Liverpool
Granada TV’s gritty cool
Joe Gormley OBE
Who will be the next MP
Of Makerfield
Makerfield
Kingmakerfield

Wes didn’t fire the starting gun
For the race to be number one
He’s waiting for the northwest son
From Makerfield
Kingmakerfield

Jason and Joanna, and The Leadership Challenge

JASON is sat at the kitchen table, staring at his laptop. JOANNA is emptying the dishwasher, putting cutlery and crockery away in various drawers and cupboards. LBC plays in the background.

JASON: They say that there’s going to be a coup.

JOANNA: A coup? Right. Do you think that we should take some biscuits?

JASON: Yeah. They reckon that Streeting will resign today.

JOANNA: Oh (pauses) I’m sure that there will be tea, but Mum always likes a biscuit with her tea.

JASON: Lots of people are saying Burnham.

JOANNA: Those nine hours in A&E can’t have been easy for her, particularly not at her age. I hope that she was able to get a cup of tea, at least.

JASON: No (pauses) But he’s not even an MP. Someone would have to stand down.

JOANNA: I suppose I should check what time we can visit. Will you come?

(The news bulletin on the radio is discussing Angela Rayner’s tax affairs)

JASON: Yes, no (pauses) maybe. Apparently, Rayner’s cleared to stand.

JOANNA: I suppose I could get the bus. That might be better. Did you hear about Karen’s letter?

JASON: What letter? Rayner! Honestly.

JOANNA: She’s been told that her job is at risk. She might be made redundant.

JASON: No, she’s been cleared by the taxman (pauses) Oh, Karen. Right, yeah.

JOANNA: She really doesn’t know what to do with herself. She won’t be able to afford the rent on that place without a job.

JASON: Hmm. Miliband! Of course! That’s why he’s saying that he’s not interested.

JOANNA puts the last cup away and closes the dishwasher

JOANNA: Well, if I’m going to get the bus, I’d better get going.

JASON looks up at her, briefly, then returns his gaze to the laptop.

JASON: Okay.

JOANNA (to herself): Nothing’s going to change, is it?

JASON: Hmm? No. Probably not.

JOANNA leaves.

Waiting For All The Facts

Nick says it’s audacious
We think it’s outrageous
Kier says nothing to do with us
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick thinks he’s a giant
We think he’s a tyrant
Kier’s remaining silent
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick thinks that it’s great
We’re both scared and irate
Kier says just wait
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick says it’s a flex
And it’s Colombia next
Kier says it’s complex
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick says nothing ‘bout oil
That makes our blood boil
The question would make Sir Kier recoil
He’s waiting for all the facts

Venezuela: Starmer Speaks Out (Oh No He Doesn’t)

Sir Kier sheds no tear for Maduro
For international law is his call
On kidnap, oil and violence
From Sir Kier simply silence
In a statement as weak as it is small

Sir Kier sheds no tear for Venezuela
Of the people, he said nothing at all

Breaking Britain

They’re hanging flags on the lampposts of Breaking Britain
They’re painting the roundabouts red
The concerned mums of Epping are lighting fires
While Bobby’s on the beach winding up their suppliers
They’re kicking the refugees out of The Bell
Next thing they’ll wanna kick you out as well
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain

A oner gets you Farage on a football shirt
But the flag is flying upside down
Nicky did a Trump dance and a fascist salute
He’s off to Liverpool in a too small suit
Anti-immigrant poison is what they sell
Next thing they’ll wanna poison you as well
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain

They’re breaking Britain with division
They’re breaking Britain with derision
They’re breaking Britain with hate for a scapegoat mate
And making a pretty penny while they’re at it too
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain

While Both Sides Sheila argues both sides
Not all nazis are nazis she opines
Not sure I’d want asylum seekers down my street
She’s down with the othering of not like me
And the high street is some lawless kind of hell
Next thing the law will come for you as well
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain

Kier looking on without a clue, he’s breaking Britain
Rachel in the wings without a penny for you, she’s breaking Britain
Kemi trying to be the baddest of the bad, she’s breaking Britain
Nigel the worst MP Clacton ever had, he’s breaking Britain
He’s breaking Britain

They’re breaking Britain with division
They’re breaking Britain with derision
They’re breaking Britain with hate for a scapegoat mate
And making a pretty penny while they’re at it too
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain
They’re breaking Britain

Work!

Work harder, he said
Work ‘til you’re dead
We’re the party of work
And we’re gonna party hard

Work harder, he said
Or you’re better off dead
We can help you with that
If you want

Work!
Work!
Work!
Work!

We’re the party of work and we’re gonna party hard
We’re the party of work and we’re gonna party hard
We’re the party of work and we’re gonna party hard
And if you don’t like it
We’re gonna help you to starve

Wearing Margaret’s Clothes

He’s got a skirt suit in cobalt blue
He’s got a handbag and pearls too
His blouse is fastened with a pussy bow
He says those benefits will have to go

He’s got a twin set and a silk scarf
His skirt is tailored to mid-calf
He ain’t got a single hair out of place
His new austerity is picking up pace

He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes

He’s got a power suit from Aquascutum
Court shoes to better boot ‘em
Carmen rollers and shoulder pads
Keeping the tax down for the lads

He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes

He’s got a hat that Gordon said leave inside
A bag that Launer of London supplied
There are other colours but blue will do
And he’ll abandon you too

He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes
He’s wearing Margaret’s clothes

The Man Who Built The Burning House

The man who built the burning house
rubs his hands, his fingers laced
The order for a million more
is ready to be placed

He flexes fists and wrists
like he’s choking the supply
He knows the tricks that keep demand
and profit-making high

New homes for all, the promises
of ministers and kings
The man who built the burning house
is waiting in the wings