Ferrari Racist Radio

Let’s face this
Ferrari’s racist
Reductio-ing ad absurdum
To define himself a black man
Micro-aggressively denying
Micro-aggression is a thing
And people who look just like him
Get to hear as much he’d argue
You, you’re not from round here are you
National broadcast bigotry
Delivered daily on LBC

Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022

Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying

The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate

For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame

Barbara’s on the Radio

Barbara says it’s none of Nick’s business
Barbara says it’s her personal choice
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara says both sides need a voice

Barbara’s annoyed that Santa got the vaccine
Barbara’s mad at Tesco’s Christmas ad
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that we’ve all been had

Barbara doesn’t wear a seatbelt
Barbara doesn’t always turn the lights on
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that the science is wrong

Barbara’s careful what she puts in her body
Barbara’s ringing up to have a go
Barbara’s a bacon-eating anti-vaxxer
And Barbara’s ringing up the radio

You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise

You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace

You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise

If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.

Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.

Maybe someone should tell the chickens.

Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters

He’s dog-whistling up the news
The favourite sport of the populist columnist
From The Currant Bun to The News of the Screws
The chance to scapegoat’s rarely missed
So, ring the show, grass up your neighbours
Hold fast the fruits of your own labours
Pull up the ladder, lock up your daughters
Here come Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters

“Leading” Britain’s Conversation

Nigel Farage said just now on LBC
He’d send his kids to school, happily.
But it’s an easy boast to make
When one of them is 28,
One’s 20 and one’s 31.
What’s the betting that the other one
Is not affected by this rule
Because she attends a private school?

 

Rachel on the Radio

You’re just afraid says Rachel Johnson
You’re still getting paid says Rachel Johnson
The risks are low says Rachel Johnson
You’re enjoying furlough says Rachel Johnson

Spaffer’s sister on the radio
She’s proper havin’ a go
Waging class war from afar
It’s a bloody high bar
But I’d rather listen to Farage

My daddy’s brave says Rachel Johnson
You should earn your wage says Rachel Johnson
Yes, I know your mate’s dead says Rachel Johnson
But you must look ahead says Rachel Johnson

Spaffer’s sister on the radio
She’s proper havin’ a go
Waging class war from afar
It’s a bloody high bar
But I’d rather listen to Farage

Would you wear a mask asks Rachel Johnson
Just thought I’d ask says Rachel Johnson

Don’t you know who my brother is
Don’t you know who my brother is
Don’t you know who my brother is

Spaffer’s sister on the radio
She’s proper havin’ a go
Waging class war from afar
It’s a bloody high bar
But I’d rather listen to Farage

And that’s bloody saying something

Who Cares What Nigel Farage Says?

Farage wants to know who gets the button
Farage wants to know who gets to drop the bomb
In the middle of the crisis with Johnson gone

Farage is worried ‘bout the virus
Farage thinks that it will stop us getting Brexit done
His one trick pony race is not yet run

Farage doesn’t rate the current cabinet
Farage thinks he’s better than the whole current shit show
From the comfort of a radio studio

Farage says all politics is vile
Farage is telling callers not to get involved
Like his own political career has been absolved

You might tune in to listen to Eddie Mair
But the moral of this story should not come as a shock
Turn your radio back over at six o’clock