The King of Lockdown

The King of Lockdown raised a glass
A toast to ghosts of empires past
His gaze steadfast upon the cast
Of gathered acolytes, his class
And scenes they would deny

The grape and grain of government
Authors of instruction meant
For others, never their intent
Without consent of votes once lent
Ever to comply

The King of Lockdown, slovenly
Dismissive of discovery
Of drunken, workless company
Endemic this incumbency
Would simply tell a lie

The King of Lockdown, King of Bluff
Born of the stuff to just rebuff
Never knows when it’s enough
Never goes when it gets tough
Lets truth slide idly by

Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down misery
Trickle-down poverty
Trickle down lies
And trickle-down dishonesty
Trickle-down rules
From a trickle-down clown
Only trickle down
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down parties
With trickle-down cakes
Trickle-down suitcased
Trickle-down fakes
Trickle-down fines
Come trickling down
From fifties to thousands
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down cough’s
Still trickle-down persistent
The trickle-down prof.’s
Still pretty non-existent
Now poxy monkey pox
Is trickling down
‘Cause the A/C’s always off
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down penny
Still hasn’t dropped
The trickle-down rises
Still haven’t stopped
Rishi’s five pence
Is nowhere to be found
On any forecourt
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down prices
Are trickle-down rising
A trickle-down crisis
Is hardly surprising
When trickle-down profits
Are still never found
In the trickle-down pockets
Of Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down prince
Reads a trickle-down speech
To a trickle-down house
With trickle-down reach
Sat on a trickle-down throne
Next to a trickle-down crown
Now they boo the national anthem
In Trickle-Down Town

Lee Anderson vs. Jack Monroe

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
‘Cause he was still a minor
In ‘84

Then he was on the CAB
And homeless hospitality
And work for Gloria MP
(He was) Labour before

But now contrary Lee
Is Ashfield’s new Tory MP
Class of 2019
And hard to ignore

‘Cause Lee likes to boo the knee
And speak antisemitically
Likes a right-wing conspiracy
And hates the poor

Now Jack’s gonna sue the arse off him
He played a very expensive game of chicken
We know Jack will win

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
‘Cause he was still a minor
In ‘84

He prefers the company
Of Martin Daubney’s party
And Laurence Fox’s bigotry
And racist rapport

He said that poor people make shit cooks
And Jack just tries to sell ‘em books
So Jack’s lawyers will have a look
And settle the score

Now Jack’s gonna sue the arse off him
He played a very expensive game of chicken
We know Jack will win

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
Now he’s just a whiner
And a right-wing troll

Ferrari Racist Radio

Let’s face this
Ferrari’s racist
Reductio-ing ad absurdum
To define himself a black man
Micro-aggressively denying
Micro-aggression is a thing
And people who look just like him
Get to hear as much he’d argue
You, you’re not from round here are you
National broadcast bigotry
Delivered daily on LBC

Local Elections May 2022

Wonderful in Worthing, Wandsworth and Westminster
Horrible in Harrow, Hastings and Hull

No Overall Control hold Hartlepool
Who says that the local elections have been dull

With stay-at-home Tories and Long Corbyn stories
While in Skipton drawing straws is the way that it’s done

And what they’re talking about is

Curry with Sir Keith in a constituency office
Downing Street piss-ups with Prime Minister Boris
Or the latest comic skit from Secretary Dorries

Now they’re changing the bin days in Mayfair
And easing up the planning rules in the town square

Because the hands on the levers might have changed
But the levers themselves have stayed the same