Andy says get water
Angie says get wine
Andy says get plasters
Angie says that’s fine
Though maybe she misheard him
Three days’ worth should do
Perhaps another bottle then
And tins of custard too
Andy says get prepping
Oh, if you insist
But tell me, what’s on your
Apocalypse shopping list
Month: October 2026
The Nobel Prize
There’s a global prize for peace
A noble prize some say at least
Although Alfred’s better known for dynamite
Every year, he gets a wash
With prizes funded by his dosh
To put the blowing people up a bit right
“I want it,” Donald roars
“I’ve ended maybe eight wars”
“And FIFA made one specially for me”
Like he can invade Venezuela
And just pick the prize up later
Kissinger got one, after all, in ‘73
But the committee, I suppose
(Although no one really knows)
Won’t succumb to Donny’s bribery or threats
But if this poem is a clue
That there’s a prize for poets too
Neither of us, I suspect, is worth your bets
Soap On A Rope
Here comes Cool Uncle Andy
He likes football and beer
So, chuck your plastic lager in the air now, lads
Cool Uncle Andy’s here
And all the talk on the radio
Is he shouldn’t have worn those shorts, oh no
The chat on the sofa in the studio
Cool Uncle Andy’s runners, oh
Cool Uncle Andy
Says you’ve gotta have hope
Cool Uncle Andy’s
Soap on a rope
Here comes Cool Uncle Andy
Cool Uncle Andy’s game
But at the bar of the New Austerity Inn
The round he buys is just the same
And all the talk on the radio
Is he shouldn’t have worn those shorts, oh no
The chat on the sofa in the studio
Cool Uncle Andy’s runners, oh
Cool Uncle Andy
Says you’ve gotta have hope
Cool Uncle Andy’s
Soap on a rope
Cool Uncle Andy’s
Soap on a rope
