Stephen Graham OBE
Virginia McKenna from Born Free
Brian May, well he was in Queen
Dara McNulty, the naturalist teen
Four Lionesses but not the others
Two dead kids’ campaigning mothers
Lissie Harper for law reforming
Rachel Riley who hated Corbyn
Ivan Menezes for running a company
Like Johnny Boden CBE
Over half the honours still go to blokes
Frank Skinner got one for telling jokes
All summoned to Empire by royal shout-out
Inside the tent now, pissing out
Month: December 2022
(Some) People Who Died
Robbie Coltrane, Bernard Cribbins
Vivienne Westwood had a good innings
Sidney Poitier, Ray Liotta
Ronnie Spector, the Big C got her
Wilko Johnson, Jet Black
Christine McVie from Fleetwood Mac
Hot Lips Houlihan, Dot Cotton
Mrs McClusky won’t be forgotten
Irene Cara, Keith Levene
Elizabeth, who played the Queen
Dame Olivia Newton-John
Leslie Phillips dinged his last dong
Nichelle Nichols, Kirstie Alley
Fashion designer Issey Miyake
Taylor Hawkins, Barry Cryer
Olive, when her house caught fire
Jerry Lee Lewis, Loretta Lynn
Terry Hall, Joyce Sims
Maxi Jazz, Coolio
Meat Loaf revved up some place to go
Pelé, Mark Lanegan
Shane Warne, Dennis Waterman
Bill Turnbull, Raymond Briggs
Paul Ryder’s played his last gigs
As has Martin Duffy too
Angela Lansbury, Shirley Hughes
George Cohen, David McKee
Big Bird’s neighbour in Sesame Street
James Caan, Hilary Mantel
Vangelis, and Fletch as well
Ruth Madoc out of Hi-de-Hi!
And many, many more besides
Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Inspired by Elwood
Rover was the best dog we ever had
Rover made a lovely kebab
With chilli sauce he was really not bad
Bless him, Rover, what a good lad
Rover was the best dog we ever had
From Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s dogs never come to no harm
‘Til they meet their fate
And end up on your plate
From corgi curry to Pomeranian stew
There ain’t a dish that dog meat cannot do
Local, organic and sustainably raised
You can eat ‘em grilled, you can eat ‘em braised
Always fresh, why not pick up a cut or two
From Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s dogs never come to no harm
‘Til they meet their fate
And end up on your plate
Sausages should be made of sausage dogs
And Labrador steaks, well just because
Dogs and bitches make the best sandwiches
Enjoyed of course
With our special sauce
From Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s Organic Dog Meat Farm
Elwood’s dogs never come to no harm
‘Til they meet their fate
And end up on your plate
All* the Christmas Songs in the Same Place
Santa Is English
Christmas Bubble Trouble
Christmas With The Vulnerables
The Day They Cancelled Christmas
And the one cover version that we do every year:
*Lost in the mists of time is Steve singing Mary Had a Tory Baby. It went out live on a Punk 4 The Homeless live stream never to be seen again. If anyone has a copy, please let us know.
Money Goes to Money
They’re running rather than getting beat
They’re starting to vote with their feet
The rats are leaving faster than the ship can sink
Like their shit doesn’t stink
Like their shit ain’t on the brink
Like it ain’t shit to think
That money goes to money is okay
That money goes to money is the only way
That money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
Meanwhile in an imaginary navy
Penny’s insincere smile
Mouths coyly look at me
Admire my philanthropy
Admire my new food pantry
While opposing free school meals
Don’t that just hit you in the feels?
A proper Scrooge turned fake Marley
As the money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
The posties on the picket know
They’ve got to hold the line
Firefighters, nurses, teachers
Among the left behind
As the money goes to money
And the warm bank number grows
The money goes to money
And the pubs begin to close
As the money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
They ain’t here to manage the crisis
Just the TV news
This morning’s media message is
Another excuse to bruise
The money goes to money
As they put the word about
That there ain’t no money
You’ll just have to do without
As the money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
Lynch’s mob don’t need to strike
The train’s already fucked
And Mrs Smith’s replacement hips
Well, she’s just out of luck
Hancock, pushed, jumped anyway
Says he’s still got lots to say
Not even in opposition
Would there be a point to listen
While the money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
The money knows no borders
The money knows no shame
The money only hears the sighs
Of the rich who coo its name
Like Michelle, Robber Baroness
The PPE millionairess
Banished as Rishi fakes it tough
She’ll be back soon enough
As the money goes to money
Goes to money goes to money
Money goes to money
While the rest get less and less
Money goes to money
What a fuckin’ mess
Where Are You From?
Sir Richard, Knight of the Shire in 1339
Son Richard, Speaker of the House in Richard II’s time
Another Richard, Lord of Bures
Then William, then Edward, the name endures
Another Edward, a baronet
Without a peerage, as high as you get
Then Henry, married the King’s daughter
Then James Waldegrave, sailing back over the water
For a seat in the Lords, mates with the PM
His son James, George II’s best friend
His son William, an admiral, nice one
His son Granville only a vice one
As Britannia ruled the waves
Next was George, the 4th Earl Waldegrave
Who lived at Strawberry Hill
The house is in the family still
George and James were 5th and 6th
The 7th, George, the name still sticks
The 8th another William
With still more Waldegraves to come
He was known as Viscount Chewton
With his land to hunt and shoot on
Succeeded by Henry, who the records tell
Was succeeded by Geoffrey, who married a Grenfell
Whose daughter… yes it must be
It’s Susan, Baroness Hussey
Who knows just what it’s like to belong
And demands to know where you are from
Steve White & The Protest Family 