Category Archives: Lyrics

59 Billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
Are they standing up doing their bit?
While Hancock had a go at premiership stars
He let the real rich off with it

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
Between ‘em got a bob or two
So, in this hour of national crisis
What do you think that they’re up to?

Branson, he’s worth his own 5 billion
Held his hand out for seven more
Phil and Tina Green, retail king and queen
Shut the pension scheme at the store

Richard Desmond, from the gutter press
Is running scare stories in the Daily Express
And Dyson who took his firm over the border
Got himself a nice little government order

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

There’s 59 billionaires in this country
59 trough meets snout
59 billion doing quite nicely
And they’re just the ones that I know about

59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires
59 billionaires

Goats!

What happens, when you stay in your room?
What happens, when everyone else does too?
What happens, in the doom and gloom?
You know that nature abhors a vaccum

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

What happens, by the Welsh seaside?
What happens, when everyone stays inside?
What happens, when you’re forced to hide?
A vacuum that nature can’t abide

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

What happens, by the Summit Hotel?
What happens, outside your house as well?
What happens, what’s that farmyard smell?
It’s Mother Nature starting to rebel

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

Goats! An imported species
Goats! From the hills visiting the beaches
Goats! With their Kashmiri fleeces
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge

Goats! Standing on our cars
Goats! Eating stuff that ours
Goats! Great Orme goats at large
In Llandudno, the goats are in charge.

goats

Fly ‘Em Home

They were on the beach when the border closed
The trip of a lifetime they supposed
Cut short when the lockdown
Was imposed

Can they get to the airport, get on a plane?
Someone official needs to explain
Someone official needs to help
To get’em home

Fly ‘em home, to a country that won’t test ‘em
Home, to a country that knows best, and
Home to a country, stressed
By captivity

Fly ‘em home to lousy isolation
Home, to a divided nation
Home, to friends, relations
That they can’t see

Masked and gloved the driver came
At the airport they were all dressed the same
Waiting for a flight
To the infected zone

Tuned in to the expert’s soothing words
And the journalist’s questions dodged, deferred
The death toll’s rising
But they’re going home

Fly ‘em home, to a country that won’t test ‘em
Home, to a country that knows best, and
Home to a country, stressed
By captivity

Fly ‘em home to lousy isolation
Home, to a divided nation
Home, to friends, relations
That they can’t see

Nudge

 

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show.
Covering our wages while on furlough.
But why didn’t he do it three weeks ago?
Instead mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show
Who didn’t listen to the WHO.
We’re standing on the precipice, don’t you know?
And mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show,
For shutting Bannatynes, the Rose, and Cargo.
But I read it first in the Metro
‘Cos mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Nudge:
Makes you think that your neighbours are your judge.
Nudge:
Designed to make your opinion slightly budge.
Nudge:
Is Cumming’s tool but it’s used too much.
Nudge:
When you need leadership but just get fudge.

Three cheers for the PM of the shit show.
The cracks are appearing in the braggadocio.
The tube is as dangerous as the siege of Jericho.
Let the passengers off, or just nudge.
Nudge.

Bog Roll Billionaire

 

He’s got himself to the front of the queue
He’s got himself a touch of the ‘flu
He’s emptying shelves in aisle number two
He’s a bog roll billionaire

He’s got long-life milk, hand sanitiser,
All the Stella and most of the cider
He’s got no time for a government adviser
He’s a bog roll billionaire

The bog roll billionaire’s gonna be okay
The bog roll billionaire didn’t care much for other folks anyway
He says “Charity begins at home,
In my ex-council house, when I’m on the throne
I’m a bog roll billionaire”

He’s got a ton of pasta, a ton of rice
He’s got sauces in jars that aren’t very nice
He might let you have one, but at twice the price
He’s a bog roll billionaire

He’s got frozen cod, he’s got frozen plaice
He’s got three sacks of spuds, just in case
You know he’s parked in a disabled space
He’s a bog roll billionaire

The bog roll billionaire’s gonna be okay
The bog roll billionaire didn’t care much for other folks anyway
He says “Charity begins at home,
In my ex-council house, when I’m on the throne
I’m a bog roll billionaire”

Quarantine the Queen

 

Quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
She ain’t no human being
Quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Fire up the royal submarine

‘Cos the dukes and the duchesses
Are cancelling flesh presses
Despite what HM Government says…..

So, quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Preserve the national unity
There’s an exit plan for c’lebs but not one for the plebs
They can build their own immunity

And the spirit of the Blitz is throwing punches in the bog roll aisle in Tesco
And the spirit of the Blitz is pushing old folk out the way of the pasta shelves in CostCo

So, quarantine the Queen From COVID-19
Preserve the national unity
There’s an exit plan for c’lebs, but not one for the plebs
They can build their own immunity

She’s watching the TV, but she can’t explain
The lockdown in Italy, empty streets in Spain
While Matt Hancock lives up to his name
Says behavioural science told him to abstain

So, quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
The fascist regime
Quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Fire up the royal submarine

The prime minister from Have I Got News For You
Says there’s nothing for us to do
Some people, sadly, will go before their time
And the Nudge Unit is his partner in crime

So, quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Preserve the national unity
There’s an exit plan for c’lebs, but not one for the plebs
They can build their own immunity

And the spirit of the Blitz is throwing punches, in the bog roll aisle in Tesco
And the spirit of the Blitz is pushing old folk out the way, of the pasta shelves in CostCo

So, quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Preserve the national unity
Or off with their heads for more NHS beds
To look after the community

Quarantine the Queen from COVID-19
Preserve the national unity
Or off with their heads for more NHS beds
To look after the community…..