Category: Lyrics

Waitrose Woman and Meal Deal Man

Waitrose Woman loves Meal Deal Man
But she’s doesn’t understand
How he’s just getting by

Waitrose Woman loves Meal Deal Man
But she doesn’t understand
And she’s forgetting why

Waitrose Woman works in the city
Loves low taxes and the NHS
Waitrose Woman lives in Surrey
Has two kids and a dog called Bess
Waitrose woman likes Radio 4
She doesn’t really feel the culture war
She feels very sorry for the kids of the poor
She buys their dusters at the door
She knows that she’s okay
She knows that she’s okay

Meal Deal Man lives in the city
He’s already eaten his one-a-day
Meal Deal Man works for a living
But he’s going to the food bank today
Meal Deal Man gets his benefits paid
He lies in the bed they say he made
His shirt is clean but his collar is frayed
He used to vote but just feels betrayed
He knows he’s not okay
He knows he’s not okay

Meal Deal Man drinks a Wetherspoons coffee
It’s not very nice but the pub is warm
Meal Deal Man knows there’s heat in the bookies
And they’ll leave him alone to study the form
Meal Deal Man’s card gets declined
Meal Deal Man knows life’s unkind
Meal Deal Man’s been left behind
Even though he’s always tried
He knows he’s not okay
He knows he’s not okay

Waitrose Woman likes a glass of wine
A ripe avocado and wholemeal bread
Waitrose Woman loves her warm kitchen
And cool sheets when she slips into bed
Waitrose Woman knows we’re all the same
She feels very sorry for the sick and the lame
She thinks that poverty is a shame
But hard work is the name of the game
She knows that she’s okay
She knows that she’s okay

Waitrose Woman loves Meal Deal Man
But she’s doesn’t understand
How he’s just getting by

Waitrose Woman loves Meal Deal Man
But she doesn’t understand
And she’s forgetting why
She’s forgetting why
She’s forgetting why
She’s forgetting why

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Larry Gets the Big Calls Right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Sajid’s taking a walk
Over Peston’s shoulder, Rishi’s stopped talking the talk
Over Peston’s shoulder, Jonathan Gullis is finally gonna do one
Over Peston’s shoulder, it’s all starting to come undone

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Parish is watching porn
Over Peston’s shoulder, Paterson’s treating the rules with scorn
Over Peston’s shoulder, there’s another sexual assault
While Spaffer’s still pretending that nothing’s his fault

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Bim has had enough
Over Peston’s shoulder, Chalk is cutting up rough
Over Peston’s shoulder, Virginia Crosbie, Nichola Richards and Saqib Bhatti MP
Said it’s not for me

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

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Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down misery
Trickle-down poverty
Trickle down lies
And trickle-down dishonesty
Trickle-down rules
From a trickle-down clown
Only trickle down
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down parties
With trickle-down cakes
Trickle-down suitcased
Trickle-down fakes
Trickle-down fines
Come trickling down
From fifties to thousands
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down cough’s
Still trickle-down persistent
The trickle-down prof.’s
Still pretty non-existent
Now poxy monkey pox
Is trickling down
‘Cause the A/C’s always off
In Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down penny
Still hasn’t dropped
The trickle-down rises
Still haven’t stopped
Rishi’s five pence
Is nowhere to be found
On any forecourt
In Trickle-Down Town

Trickle-down prices
Are trickle-down rising
A trickle-down crisis
Is hardly surprising
When trickle-down profits
Are still never found
In the trickle-down pockets
Of Trickle-Down Town

The trickle-down prince
Reads a trickle-down speech
To a trickle-down house
With trickle-down reach
Sat on a trickle-down throne
Next to a trickle-down crown
Now they boo the national anthem
In Trickle-Down Town

by Categories: Lyrics, poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Lee Anderson vs. Jack Monroe

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
‘Cause he was still a minor
In ‘84

Then he was on the CAB
And homeless hospitality
And work for Gloria MP
(He was) Labour before

But now contrary Lee
Is Ashfield’s new Tory MP
Class of 2019
And hard to ignore

‘Cause Lee likes to boo the knee
And speak antisemitically
Likes a right-wing conspiracy
And hates the poor

Now Jack’s gonna sue the arse off him
He played a very expensive game of chicken
We know Jack will win

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
‘Cause he was still a minor
In ‘84

He prefers the company
Of Martin Daubney’s party
And Laurence Fox’s bigotry
And racist rapport

He said that poor people make shit cooks
And Jack just tries to sell ‘em books
So Jack’s lawyers will have a look
And settle the score

Now Jack’s gonna sue the arse off him
He played a very expensive game of chicken
We know Jack will win

Lee was a miner
Not a striking miner, mind ya
Now he’s just a whiner
And a right-wing troll

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Bin Bags


They’re crying about woke
They’re crying she’s a bloke
They’re crying ‘bout appendages
The vestiges of yesterdays

They’re crying about words
That they think are absurd
They’re crying ‘bout the language
Being savaged for the damaged

It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags

They’re crying about Bragg
They think that it’s a drag
That he’s standing with the persecuted
Most disputed and excluded

They’re crying about caring
And storytelling scaring
They’re crying ‘bout the activists
Who won’t assist the anti-ists

It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags

They said you couldn’t call ‘em
By the colour that they are
They said it was the looney lefties
Who had gone too far
They say that what goes around
Comes around again
And now it’s gender critical, it’s
You can’t call it’s
Minds are small, it’s

Bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags

They don’t like their lives disrupted
Opinions deconstructed
To understand it’s complicated
Other people should be feted
Not just accommodated
And your words can show that you care
Your words can show that you care

It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags

Bin bags

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Stealth Omicron

He’s splutting and coughering
Hot and bloody bothering
Feeling pretty rotten
And he’s tested twice

He’s sneezin’ and wheezin’
And snottin’ like a wee thing
It isn’t very pleasin’
It’s not very nice

But give him a day or two
It takes a while to come to view
He’ll get his second line up too
And now he’s had it twice

It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

He thought it was a heavy cold
He thought he’d got it all controlled
Now that LFTs are sold
Who’s gonna buy?

Now he’s coughing and spluttering
Shivering and shuddering
The country is recovering’s
Another lie

He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high

It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you

He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Priti Little Britain (And You Can’t Come In)

I’m visiting Poland to speak about you, but you can’t come in
I’ll light up a building in yellow and blue, but you can’t come in

We’ll tell the world that we’re leading the world, but you can’t come in
And your criticism will go unheard, ‘cause you can’t come in

You can’t come in
No, you can’t come in
This is Priti little Britain
Such a pretty Little Britain
That immigration is forbidden
And you can’t come in

I’ll promise you my solidarity, but you can’t come in
You’d be better off in Poland or Germany, ‘cause you can’t come in

We’re being just as generous as we can, but you can’t come in
We’re expressing our love for our fellow man, but you can’t come in

You can’t come in
No, you can’t come in
This is Priti little Britain
Such a pretty Little Britain
That immigration is forbidden
And you can’t come in

I’ll set up a centre, and then lock the door, ‘cause you can’t come in
There’s a process to follow, just to make sure that you can’t come in

Don’t forget you’re a security threat, so you can’t come in
And we still haven’t housed the Afghans yet, so you can’t come in

You can’t come in
No, you can’t come in
This is Priti little Britain
Such a pretty Little Britain
That immigration is forbidden
And you can’t come in

(Yes, there is a tune. Look out for the next edition of the Protest Family Podcast to hear it.)

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Vlad The Invader

There’s oligarchs in London, tanks in Ukraine
Kremlin-funded Tories with wealthy campaigns
Gangster capital was given free reign
And now we’ve got Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

Nigel and Donald have both led the cheer
Strongman nationalist, macho veneer
Looking for excuses now the tanks are here
For their mate Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

So, move the final from the Gazprom
Cancel the Grand Prix and Eurovision song
Cock a deaf ‘un to Saudi dropping British bombs
A bit like Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

Hit him with a sanction, let’s see who it hurts
Who’s got the gas? Who turns the heat off first?
A punch in the face but who comes off worst?
The worker or Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

We’re doing all we can is the Westminster cry
Having washed all the money and turned a blind eye
Now how many refugees will they deny?
Created by Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

The bravery of protests in Pushkin Square
Compare them to a Kensington billionaire
Who has more in common with the bellicose bear?
Vlad The Invader
Vlad The Invader

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Donald’s Coke

His campaign’s funded in roubles
He plays tennis with some Russian folk
He’s almost completely without scruples
And he’s snorting Donald’s coke

Now he’s lining up a barrage of sanctions
Its Churchill he’s trying to invoke
He’s getting a piece of the action
And snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

He’s a fan of foie gras and fur
He don’t care how the poor buggers croak
An opportunity Brexit conferred
While he was snorting Donald’s coke

Pounds, shillings, and pence
Don’t matter if you’re broke
Proposed by the Minister of Past Tense
Who’s been snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Keep keen eyes in the crow’s nest
He knows the system’s broke
Don’t worry about who can afford a test
While you’re snorting Donald’s coke

Here’s another strategic lie
Just call the dissenters woke
Dead cat meet table; ball, eye: bye, bye
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

Wallpaper – move on
Parties – move on
Jimmy Saville – move on
He’s snorting Donald’s coke

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Sheriff Rayner

Shoot first
Ask questions later
Ange is reaching for her gun
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner
Or you just might get done

Here’s how to impress the Chief, Sir Kier
Here’s how to win back the red wall
Round up your posse of miscreants
Get ‘em up against the wall

Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Shoot first, ask questions later
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner

Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Don’t get on the wrong side
Of Sheriff Rayner

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