A strip of black tape
Obscures her number plate
But her radiator grilles are on display
Admiring the allures
Of something that ain’t yours
You wonder what his wife would have to say
Porno of this parish
The MP for smut
Thinks I’d plough a field with her any day
There’s harvesters and balers and compactors
He’s sitting in the Commons browsing Readers’ Tractors
Month: April 2022
Privatise the Arse Off It
Trouble at the Passport Office
Privatise the arse off it
Run it for my pals’ profit
A one-trick Tory cries
Like Mogg he wants you at your desk
Who’s haunting corridors obsessed
His sarcastic notes grotesque
Bullying in disguise
‘Cause they privatised the arse off the trains
The cars and the buses and the planes
The gas the electric the phones and the drains
The post and the college of flames
And if you’re still waiting for a visa from Ukraine
They privatised the arse off that too
Just sayin’
Londongrad Laundry
Adolf Hitler, Mickey Mouse
Registered at Companies House
Own empty homes in royal parks
For kleptocrats and oligarchs
She sells sea shell companies
That buy Mayfair properties
At market rate and then a half
To give their Russian dough a bath
‘Cause Thatcher’s big bang economics
Made the filthy rich a promise
Your anonymity’s guaranteed
In our offshore industry
We’ll help you manage reputation
Ignore the odd defenestration
So if your money’s really bad
Bring soap and towels to Londongrad
Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022
Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying
The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate
For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame
And Mogg Tweeted Alleluia
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
To the ungodly policy of offshore asylum
Love thy neighbour but only from a distance
Sounding Johnson’s Operation Red Meat siren
But Castle’s voice from the pews cried we tithed for our views
And we don’t like change around here
You shouldn’t get to choose your country of refuge
And Rwanda’s very nice this time of year we hear
So Secretary Patel issued ministerial direction
To whistle up the dog a fascist bone
Of immigration by racial selection
A one-way ticket or a middle-class home
More folk will die of Covid in 2022
Than seek asylum in this green and pleasant land
Swiftly and humanely removed is the clue
To the Easter politics of the damned
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
But Johnson and Patel just say screw ya
We’re loving our neighbours but only at a distance
And Mogg tweeted Alleluia
Spaffer In Ukraine Again
Safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
Spaffer’s on walkabout in Ukraine
He really has a talent
For reputation management
A cock-up covering caper once again
But if he has a second
He should take a trip to Yemen
And watch British bombs being dropped by British planes
Or if he’s of a mind
Walkabout in Palestine
And contemplate their sovereign state claim
‘Cause if he’s safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
There’s lots of war for him to try and game
Gender-Neutral Toilets
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
Like the one on a plane
And the one on a train
Like getting caught short in the woods in the rain.
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
So politically correct
What did you expect
One or more types from which to select?
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
How outré
To piss that way
What would the second world war generation say?
Who didn’t have a gender-neutral toilet in their house
Not because of pride
Or of bigotry implied
But because their gender-neutral toilet was outside
Bin Bags
They’re crying about woke
They’re crying she’s a bloke
They’re crying ‘bout appendages
The vestiges of yesterdays
They’re crying about words
That they think are absurd
They’re crying ‘bout the language
Being savaged for the damaged
It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags
They’re crying about Bragg
They think that it’s a drag
That he’s standing with the persecuted
Most disputed and excluded
They’re crying about caring
And storytelling scaring
They’re crying ‘bout the activists
Who won’t assist the anti-ists
It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags
They said you couldn’t call ‘em
By the colour that they are
They said it was the looney lefties
Who had gone too far
They say that what goes around
Comes around again
And now it’s gender critical, it’s
You can’t call it’s
Minds are small, it’s
Bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags
They don’t like their lives disrupted
Opinions deconstructed
To understand it’s complicated
Other people should be feted
Not just accommodated
And your words can show that you care
Your words can show that you care
It’s bin bags
Bin bags
It’s just bin bags
Bin bags
Bin bags
The River
The River is inspired by and a tribute to Pauline Town.
Pauline is the beating heart of We Shall Overcome. Every day, her tireless work feeds over one hundred people, homeless and rough sleeping, and she has helped over a thousand people into safe, secure, permanent accommodation.
At the heart of everything that she does is a raw kindness and down-to-earth humanity: a practical socialism that doesn’t judge but raises a fist of anger at the cruelty of the system while extending the helping hand of solidarity.
If Pauline is the beating heart of We Shall Overcome, then it’s spiritual headquarters is her pub, The Station in Ashton-under-Lyne. Over the course of the pandemic, it has become a community hub and place of safety and refuge.
The Station is re-opening as a pub in May 2022 and costs need to be covered alongside the fundraising for food and shelter, so go and have a pint if you can and chuck a few quid in this digital bucket to help our hero keep doing everything that she does to support people living at the roughest edges of Tory austerity.
You can support Pauline in keeping The Station going here.
Stealth Omicron
He’s splutting and coughering
Hot and bloody bothering
Feeling pretty rotten
And he’s tested twice
He’s sneezin’ and wheezin’
And snottin’ like a wee thing
It isn’t very pleasin’
It’s not very nice
But give him a day or two
It takes a while to come to view
He’ll get his second line up too
And now he’s had it twice
It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you
It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you
He thought it was a heavy cold
He thought he’d got it all controlled
Now that LFTs are sold
Who’s gonna buy?
Now he’s coughing and spluttering
Shivering and shuddering
The country is recovering’s
Another lie
He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high
It’s Omicron
They call it stealth Omicron
With no rules to rely upon
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you
It’s Omicron
He’s got Stealth Omicron
With no test and no mask on
It’s BA.2 for you and you and you
He’s one in a million
No, one of a million
Infected civilians
The number’s pretty high
Steve White & The Protest Family 