Tag Archives: priti patel

When Tories Clap

We’re going to clap you all the way to deportation
We’re going to clap you all the way to your NHS surcharge
We’re going to clap our stance of tough on immigration
‘Cos Priti and the Tories are in charge

We’re going to clap you all the way to the care home
We’re going to clap ourselves for our protective ring
We’re going to clap your opportunity to die alone
‘Cos Matt Hancock didn’t do a thing

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
Never forget

We’re going to clap you all the way to deportation
We’re going to clap the NHS that you helped to build
We’re going to clap our stance of tough on immigration
‘Cos Priti still reckons you’re unskilled

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
Never forget

We’re going to clap you all the way to privatisation
We’re going to clap our plans to test, track and trace
We’re going to clap our clever contract allocation
To Matt and Dominic’s bestest mates

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
(Remember nurses pay?)
Never forget

The Prime Minister Prepares to Return to Work

I’m coming back to work, and I need to know
That’s everything’s gonna be okay
So tell me my cabinet colleagues
What did you do while I was away?

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Tell us Michael, you had a plan
To run things pretty hot
Tell us Michael about the plan
What sort of numbers have we got?

Well boss the plan’s killed 20000 people
We said we’d do well to stay under that number
The plan’s killed over 20000 people
Running hot might’ve been a blunder

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Tell us Matt you had a plan
To sort out PPE
Tell us Matt you had a plan
What improvements have you seen?

Well boss there still ain’t quite enough
If I’m honest I’m starting to lose it
Even with all this military stuff
I didn’t expect the nurses to actually use it

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anybody have a bit of good news?
Yes Priti?

Well boss I’m pleased to report
I’ve driven shoplifting down
Boss without any support
I’ve driven shoplifting down

Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK

That it?

What Did You Do in the Lockdown, Dad?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
Did your boss insist that you still came in?
Did they give you gloves and facemasks Dad?
Did they care you might catch COVID-19?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
How bad was it in the hospital?
How did you do it without PPE, Mum?
Do you think the government cared at all?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
How scared were you when you got your score?
With your age and your conditions, Dad
Did you understand what they did that for?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you stay indoors? Did you stay on the sofa?
Is that when you got pregnant, Mum?
Is that why Dad calls me Corona?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
Did you sneak a few mates round for a barbeque?
Did you have a beer and a laugh then, Dad?
Is that why the government blamed you?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you dust off your uniform and go back to service?
Did you have a row about staying at home?
Did the risks not make you nervous?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
With your investment portfolio?
Did your hedge fund do alright then Dad?
Did the crisis help your money to grow?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

Matt Hancock, what did you do?
Dominic Raab, what did you do?
Priti Patel, what did you do?
Boris Johnson, what did you do?

Priti Sorry

She’s sorry that you think that it’s a lot of people dying
She’s sorry that you think that the government aren’t trying
She’s sorry that you think that they’re not testing enough people
She’s sorry that you think that their response is pretty feeble

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that the government could do better
She’s sorry that you didn’t like Boris Johnson’s letter
She’s sorry that you think that nurses shouldn’t be wearing bin bags
She’s sorry that you didn’t like her stint between the flags

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think they’re failing the frontline
She’s sorry that you think that they wasted too much time
She’s sorry that you don’t find her words conciliatory
She’s sorry that you don’t think she’s actually sorry

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry )

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

Priti Patel

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
And used the virus as opportunity
To free her work from scrutiny

Now she’s running away

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who failed to notice the major groundswell
Of opinion about the jobs fulfilled
By people that she called unskilled

Now she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who knows full well ’bout NHS personnel
Everyone’s seen their value to the nation
But she won’t change her rules on immigration

That’s why she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
She’s fourth in line to be Tory Leader
But it’s been weeks since anyone has seen her

Guess she’s running away

The Government Pecking Order

While the prime minister is indisposed,
Here’s the government pecking order, disclosed:

It goes Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
So now we’ve got Raab, ‘cos Johnson is unwell.
And if Raab goes down, Sunak gets a spell.
And should Sunak lose his sense of smell,
Fourth on the list is Priti Patel

So whatever your position on the PM’s condition
(There’s little to applaud about his hospital admission
Save a salutary lesson about the virus’ transmission
And recognition of the position of the nurses and clinicians)
Michael Gove must ponder on his omission
From a list that doesn’t bode well:
Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.

The Day the Penny Dropped

Doctors and nurses were queens and kings
The bins emptied by heroes
Post was delivered on angels’ wings
The day the penny dropped

Carers were worth their weight in gold
Teachers the new royalty
No school meal was undersold
The day the penny dropped

Kindness and respect were earned
On supermarket checkouts
And fake celebrity was spurned
The day the penny dropped

Three cheers for those who clean and build
And serve and feed and care
And no-one said the word “unskilled”
The day the penny dropped