You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise

You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace

You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise

If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.

Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.

Maybe someone should tell the chickens.

Who Cares What Nigel Farage Says?

Farage wants to know who gets the button
Farage wants to know who gets to drop the bomb
In the middle of the crisis with Johnson gone

Farage is worried ‘bout the virus
Farage thinks that it will stop us getting Brexit done
His one trick pony race is not yet run

Farage doesn’t rate the current cabinet
Farage thinks he’s better than the whole current shit show
From the comfort of a radio studio

Farage says all politics is vile
Farage is telling callers not to get involved
Like his own political career has been absolved

You might tune in to listen to Eddie Mair
But the moral of this story should not come as a shock
Turn your radio back over at six o’clock