Tag: PPE

Ayanda Capital

Welcome to the Ayanda family
Focussed on investment strategy
We specialise in trading currency
You see

Welcome to the Ayanda family
We specialise in offshore property
And private equity
But we’ve never bought any PPE

How can that be?

Welcome to Ayanda Capital
We’ve no PPE experience at all
But there’s 250 million quid on the table
Some haul

Welcome to Ayanda Capital
Kings of remaining profitable
There’s public money there for us to trawl
And a government advisor that we can give a call

The stakes ain’t small

Here’s Andrew Mills, he’s a member of our board
What he knows about facemasks ain’t been explored
But if there’s money to be made then rest assured
He’s on board

Here’s Andrew Mills our deal deviser
ProsperMills’ influence exerciser
And business advisor
To Liz Truss, Secretary of State, for International Trade

That’s how the deal was made

Now if you think that this ain’t corrupt
Then protest singers might as well give up
And turns out the masks ain’t even good enough
And that’s fucked up

The victims of COVID still regularly cop it
While folks like Ayanda are making a profit
Matt Hancock ain’t gonna do anything to stop it
So if you want to protect the NHS as well

Don’t lose your sense of smell

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, Protest Family, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Should I Be Wearing a Mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t

Should I be wearing a mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t

Should I be wearing a mask?

Catwoman, Doctor Doom
Hannibal Lector, Ghostface too
Phillipe of Gascony, the Jigsaw Killer
But not Michael Jackson in Thriller
Captain America, The Flash
And highwaymen wore them for cash

Should I be wearing a mask?
Should I be wearing a mask?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Dead Heroes Are No Use to Anyone

Dead heroes are no use to anyone
But let’s be clear:
No one deliberately denied them what they need,
They just weren’t competent enough foresee
That it’ll happen here if it’s happening next door
And we don’t make our own stuff here anymore.

Dead heroes are no use to anyone
But let’s be clear:
They frequently turned a deaf ear
To talk of contingency planning
But they employ a great sloganeer
And you can all see it happening:
A failing government labelling you a hero
Because they’re getting it into the public’s head
Before they have to tell them that you’re dead.

But let’s be clear,
Dead heroes are no use to anyone.

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Captain Tom (Better Keep Walking)

Two million useless home test kits
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Bought while summoning the spirit of the Blitz
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
The PHE media chatter
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Said testing the test was just a small matter
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
So it might vex, and it might irk
That two million home test kits don’t work
(Captain Tom better keep walking)

Dumbing the PPE standards down
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
‘Cos there still ain’t enough of the right sort of gown
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Welcome to the global marketplace
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Where it seems that we’re not winning the race
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
An economic throw of the dice
Even the swabs are ten times the price
(Captain Tom better keep walking)

Captain Tom confined to his garden
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
As social distancing guidelines harden
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
And if Captain Tom should need assistance
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
His helper would have to keep their distance
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Six foot six between the joggers and the shoppers
But Westminster Bridge is covered in coppers
(Captain Tom better keep walking)

Sunak found the magic money tree
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
But he can’t seem to use it to buy PPE
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
While Hancock, whose word is not his bond
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Now says he needs a magic wand
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
And selling badges to cover this mess
Shows they don’t care about the NHS
So Captain Tom better keep walking

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Matt Hancock’s Magic Wand

Matt Hancock wishes he had a magic wand
So he could make PPE fall from the sky
Care homes deluged and hospitals bombed
With gloves, gowns, goggles and no one asking why
That last week he said PPE was plentiful
The only problem was that it was in the wrong place
And we were being far too sceptical
All we needed was to give him some space
To find the right warehouses, but did he get it wrong?
Was the PPE really in the sky all along?

mirrir

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Put Him on the Spot

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about Germany
New Zealand, South Korea or even the Chinese
Put him on the spot about the Swedes
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about Exercise Cygnus
Put him on the spot about the spread of the sickness
Put him on the spot about the ventilator business
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the Cheltenham Festival
Or the number of tests that’s instantly forgettable
Put him on the spot about building sites as well
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the London Underground
Put him on the spot about bus drivers gone down
He’ll tell he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the care home staff
Put him on the spot about the state of the graph
Put him on the spot about his boss having a laugh
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

(Untitled – 14th April 2020)

Therese Coffey
Says there’s loads of PPE.
She doesn’t understand why lots of doctors disagree.

While Eamonn Holmes on ITV,
Ridiculously,
Won’t rule out 5G.

And if they’re not culling the herd
But flattening the curve,
Why are the real figures not preferred?

Because it turns out care home deaths don’t count.
So, what really is the full amount?
What’s paramount?
Public relations, public health or a profit and loss account?

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Pirate President Trump

The people of Barbados
Were buying ventilators
They had all the papers
That they were bought-and-paid-fors
But they were seized
‘Fore they hit the high seas
By the president’s decree
He’s a pirate now

The German police
Had their face masks seized
It’s hard to believe
From a plane in Thailand
Robbed on the tarmac
They just want their masks back
They just got a wisecrack
He’s a pirate now

And it’s a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum
Here comes Pirate President Trump
Lock up your medicines, here he comes
Its President Trump
He’s a pirate now

He’ll steal your medication,
Your PPE
‘Cos his recovery’s
A month behind the Chinese
He’ll offer big money
For your remedies
Or he’ll take ‘em for free
He’s a pirate now

And it’s a yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum
Here comes Pirate President Trump
Lock up your medicines, here he comes
Its President Trump
He’s a pirate now

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment