If you think Theresa was the sensible one Just remember the hostile environment, son And if you think Boris ain’t as bad as this Then you’ve forgotten the bottomless Pit of his corruption The meetings with spies and the lies upon lies And the party, what party, oh that party, somebody should’ve said it was a party To be sure, he broke the law Meanwhile Liz turned up Fucked up, fucked off An impressive comic economic Molotov
Now the field’s wide open for more of the same Hunt rhymes too easily Shapps ain’t a hundred percent sure of his name And when Penny was at fire She’s on record as a liar So, there’s nothing to recommend here Except Project Have No Fear It’s time to smash it up and start again
Need talk about a party to just go away? Do you need to keep the metropolitan police at bay? Has your shopping trolley got wheels of clay? Then you need Sue Gray
Did you touch Kate Maltby in an inappropriate way? Did you use your work computer for some “me time” play? Did you lie about it all on Radio 4’s Today? Send for Sue Gray
Need a pint at the end of a bandit country day? Who could do a job for Theresa May? What did Andrew Mitchell actually say? You could ask Sue Gray
Have your friends in Scotland cried, “Foul play”? Does breaking two years’ silence fill you with dismay? Do you need to survive PMQ’s to fight another day? Then you need Sue Gray
It was a week for all tastes and pockets,[1]: Trump’s state visit, the second phase of Theresa May’s resignation (announce a date, stay on as caretaker, actually go), Elvis Costello accepting an OBE and blaming his mum; I couldn’t really let it pass without comment. With a nod to one of the characters in The Brexit Trilogy[2], here it is: Donald’s In Town.
It was her birthday
The kids made a card
With folded paper
And fading felt tips
No gifts
No money for gifts
No gifts
No money for gifts
It was demo day
Lots of paint and card
Hoping to go viral
For the Insta crowd
Home made
Witty placard parade
Home made
Witty placard parade
And Theresa sobbed
When she left the job
But it never really made the news
‘Cos Donald’s in town
He was too early
For her birthday
Didn’t bring a card
It’s all about him
This trip
A massive ego trip
This trip (‘s)
A massive ego trip
(It’s got)
Dinner with a duchess
Supper with a princess
Downing Street too
21-gun salute
All missed
21 guns all missed
All missed
21 guns all missed
And Theresa sobbed
When she left the job
But it never really made the news
‘Cos Donald’s in town
On her birthday
Elvis took his place
In the Empire’s order
Tramp the dirt down
In a crown
How do you tramp the dirt down?
In a crown
You can’t tramp the dirt down
(Well)
She smiled at the kids’ card
Laughed at the placard
Mocking the blowhard
Funny as milkshakes
Milkshakes
Running down Tommy’s face
Milkshakes
Running down Tommy’s face
(Save your outrage)
And Theresa sobbed
When she left the job
But it never really made the news
‘Cos Donald’s in town
Steve
[1] Hat-tip: Joe Durston
[2] Doesn’t mean I won’t write more about them
Theresa May’s Brexit deal is dead in the water of her crocodile tears. A fresh Tory leader with the charisma to succeed in Brussels where she has failed seems unlikely; no-deal versus no-Brexit is now the pundit’s favoured battleground, with or without a second referendum.
Dying with May’s career is my Brexit Prayer, performed once at the Fish & Bicycle Club, but there’s renewed interest in former London mayor and foreign secretary Johnson, as the wholly unrepresentative rump that is the Conservative Party membership elects a new prime minister.
Does Johnson have what it takes to make the deal that May failed to, or does Brussels see him for the loathsome charlatan[1] that he is? Speculation at Protest Towers is that the job’s going to an outlier with Johnson waiting to pick up the post-exit pieces once the dust has settled.
In any event, we know a song (or two) about him.
Steve
Hat tip to Jonathan Freedland, writing in the Guardian.
Steve White & The Protest Family 