Tag: Sue Gray

Sue Says

Just over a week ago, we got the Sue Gray report into Partygate. Already tipped off by Boris Johnson that it was going to be limited, we weren’t quite sure what to expect, so, damning though it was, it was no surprise that it didn’t name names and that became the theme of this poem.

Later that day, I got a message from Willie Dowling, who asked if I was going to turn it into a song and if not would I mind if he did. Would I mind? I’m a fan! I was delighted and, later that night, there was a demo in my inbox with a couple of additional middle eights that Willie needed some words for. A phone conversation and a few emails and Twitter messages later, we had something ready to share.

“Sue Says” (Dowling/White) is currently only available on SMR Radio on Mixcloud. (Scroll to about 58 minutes in).

Steve

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INVESTIGATION INTO ALLEGED GATHERINGS ON GOVERNMENT PREMISES DURING COVID RESTRICTIONS – UPDATE

Sue says when the pandemic’s high
Sue says when you restrict others’ lives
Sue says parties are difficult to justify
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says it’s a serious failure
Sue says it’s thoughtless behaviour
Sue says how do you think it will appear
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says consumption of excess alcohol
Sue says shouldn’t happen at work at all
Sue says it’s not very professional
But Sue Gray don’t name names

Sue says the police are investigating
Sue says no more info is circulating
Sue says we shouldn’t be speculating
And Sue Gray don’t name names

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Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t know
Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t go
Spaffer Bodycount with a bottle of Bordeaux
Spaffer Bodycount, at lying he’s a pro

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he never went
Spaffer Bodycount lied about a work event
Spaffer Bodycount is definitely bent
Spaffer Bodycount will never repent

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount, he loves to partake
But now Spaffer Bodycount is looking for a break
Spaffer Bodycount can’t admit a mistake
Spaffer Bodycount got ambushed by cake

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount

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Operation Save Big Dog

Apologise by not saying sorry
Don’t let Sue get too a priori
Make a list of your next quarry
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Ferguson went when he was too carefree
Hancock survived over PPE
But then got caught on CCTV
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Send ‘em Brandon Lewis tell him what to say
Send ‘em Liz Truss, tell her the same
Send ‘em Damian Hinds (who’s he anyway?)
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Tell a big lie, what have you got to lose?
With a suitcase of booze and a crap excuse
Hoping a Chinese spy will make the news
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Sacrifice a SpAd, that’s why you pay ‘em
They all know there comes a day when
A Barnard Castle eye test just won’t save ‘em
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
Not the whistleblowers, feed ’em to the dogs
Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

(Lyrics by Steve and Mark Commoner)

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Sue Gray

Need talk about a party to just go away?
Do you need to keep the metropolitan police at bay?
Has your shopping trolley got wheels of clay?
Then you need Sue Gray

Did you touch Kate Maltby in an inappropriate way?
Did you use your work computer for some “me time” play?
Did you lie about it all on Radio 4’s Today?
Send for Sue Gray

Need a pint at the end of a bandit country day?
Who could do a job for Theresa May?
What did Andrew Mitchell actually say?
You could ask Sue Gray

Have your friends in Scotland cried, “Foul play”?
Does breaking two years’ silence fill you with dismay?
Do you need to survive PMQ’s to fight another day?
Then you need Sue Gray

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