Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, Hancock’s finally figured out
How many workers have died
So, if what killed you was a lack of gloves and gowns
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, if you’re an economist
You should perhaps try
And if you’re killed at work by a government slow to lock down
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, it’s this evening’s
Press briefing headline
So, if the government fatally let you down
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
I’m coming back to work, and I need to know
That’s everything’s gonna be okay
So tell me my cabinet colleagues
What did you do while I was away?
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Tell us Michael, you had a plan
To run things pretty hot
Tell us Michael about the plan
What sort of numbers have we got?
Well boss the plan’s killed 20000 people
We said we’d do well to stay under that number
The plan’s killed over 20000 people
Running hot might’ve been a blunder
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Tell us Matt you had a plan
To sort out PPE
Tell us Matt you had a plan
What improvements have you seen?
Well boss there still ain’t quite enough
If I’m honest I’m starting to lose it
Even with all this military stuff
I didn’t expect the nurses to actually use it
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anybody have a bit of good news?
Yes Priti?
Well boss I’m pleased to report
I’ve driven shoplifting down
Boss without any support
I’ve driven shoplifting down
He’s used to selling you steak
He’s used to selling you real estate
He’s trying to make America great
Land of the free
Dr Trump v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trump’s got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
He’s used to selling the brand
There’s Trump labelled buildings throughout the land
He’s trying to make America grand
Land of the free
Dr Trump v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trump’s got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
Inject yourself with disinfectant
Take a dose of hydroxychloroquine
Give yourself a blast of UV light
To be free
Dr Trump’s v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trumps got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
For all your COVID needs
There’s a potential hero in this story
Goes by the name of ChAdOx1
They’re building it in an Oxford laboratory
But the work is not yet done
From Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
For the bunnies, the beagles and you
Fighting the fight against COVID-19
Looking for volunteers for this scheme
Despite what Nick Ferrari thinks
They’re not guinea pigs
But from Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
For the bunnies, the beagles and you
They’re setting aside market obligation
For a bit of international cooperation
Developing vaccine with alacrity
The seed stock’s heading out to Italy
From Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
(Of which Carrie Symonds would approve)
For the bunnies, the beagles and you
Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace
Should I be wearing a mask?
Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace
Should I be wearing a mask?
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t
Should I be wearing a mask?
Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace
Should I be wearing a mask?
The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t
Should I be wearing a mask?
Catwoman, Doctor Doom
Hannibal Lector, Ghostface too
Phillipe of Gascony, the Jigsaw Killer
But not Michael Jackson in Thriller
Captain America, The Flash
And highwaymen wore them for cash
Should I be wearing a mask?
Should I be wearing a mask?
Do you remember
When you were younger
Bunking off school
Thinking you were cool
When lessons never seemed much cop
When you could be browsing in the record shop
Do you remember
When you were younger
Wagging off school
Playing the fool
Thinking later this won’t be possible
Adults gotta be responsible
But if Boris Johnson can bunk off COBRA
Your schoolchild self was right after all
Do you remember
When you were younger
Nothing hurt
As much as hard work
But there was nothing like your summer holiday
It made the first day of term seem like such a long way away
But if Boris Johnson can bunk off COBRA
Why should I go to work today?
I heard Boris’ mate on the radio
Said he was a hard working so and so
Being a journalist, a mayor and an MP at the same time
A Tory Stakhanovite, with a ladder to climb
But if Boris Johnson can sack off COBRA
I’m taking some personal time
Yeah, if Boris Johnson can sack off COBRA
And people die
Then that’s a crime
Jason’s lucky, he’s been working from home
He can do a Teams meeting or talk on the phone
He’s available by email but never alone
With his wife and kids in the background
But there’s some work that he needs to see
Something that can’t be done remotely
He’s gonna ask them for another nominee
Because he’s quietly terrified
Joanna’s going supermarket shopping
She lost an online spot, but a least no one’s coughing
A good hour’s queue is still pretty shocking
But at least they’re two metres apart
She’s got gloves and a mask off the internet
So she don’t get infected by the people that she might’ve met
Her precautions are about as good as she can get
She’s quietly terrified
Jason and Joanna have key worker status
They’re part of the local government apparatus
But they’re unlikely to actually say to us
They’re working on the frontline
Jason and Joanna should try being a nurse
Or a doctor in the NHS or driving a hearse
Or driving a bus which is probably worse
They’re quietly terrified
Quietly terrified, the state of the nation
Doing their best in lonely isolation
Slowly losing their anticipation
That the government would know what to do
Quietly terrified, and losing their confidence
In the daily government press conference
No exit strategy that makes any kind of sense
They’re quietly terrified
NB Jason and Joanna are fictional characters. The government, on the other hand, are terrifyingly, incompetently, real.
Supply and demand like you were taught at school
Economically, that’s the golden rule
But demand a gown
And you’ll get put down
Demand a mask
It’s too big of an ask
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
Remember when they asked you to lend ‘em your vote
With a snappy spin doctored memorable quote
Demand a test
Queue up with the rest
A ventilator?
See you later
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge
Supply and demand, like you were taught at school
Is holding the government up to ridicule
Ventilators?
We built the wrong ones
Reagents?
Can’t use just anyone’s
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
Listening to Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour 1?
The excuses are running out of staying power
Demand PPE
For excuse number three
Or parity
For the care industry
We’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge
“Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour” courtesy of John Beaumont from Batsfeet
Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Put him on the spot about Germany
New Zealand, South Korea or even the Chinese
Put him on the spot about the Swedes
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say
Put him on the spot about Exercise Cygnus
Put him on the spot about the spread of the sickness
Put him on the spot about the ventilator business
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Put him on the spot about the Cheltenham Festival
Or the number of tests that’s instantly forgettable
Put him on the spot about building sites as well
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say
Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the London Underground
Put him on the spot about bus drivers gone down
He’ll tell he was following the science
Put him on the spot about the care home staff
Put him on the spot about the state of the graph
Put him on the spot about his boss having a laugh
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say
Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science
Steve White & The Protest Family 