There’s politics for people who do politics
And politics for people who don’t do politics,
And the politics for people who don’t do politics
Hides behind the politics for people who do politics
Who say “You all need to understand the politics”
To people who say “It’s all the same, the politics”
While the politics is laughing in their face,
And ripping off their money to give it to their mates
Who are having a great time riding rockets into space.
Meanwhile, the politics for people who do politics
Gets all excited by the kerfuffle
Of a cabinet reshuffle,
While the people who don’t do politics exclaim
“It doesn’t matter they’re all the same.”
And they might just have a point.
Because while the people who do politics scream
“Oh no, Nadine”, or even Nadhim,
The politics for people who don’t do politics
Has them on their knees,
Fails to manage the disease,
Increases taxes by degrees,
Is killing off the bees,
Says daft things about cheese,
And wants to go to war with the Chinese.
So, the people who do politics
Should understand the politics for people who do politics
Puts off the people who don’t do politics
From the politics for people that don’t do politics
That’s doing them.
Tag: writing
Nikki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Testicles
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
Swole up from the vaccine she claims
And his bride-to-be glum
With the size of his plums
Shot down their wedding in flames
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
Shining stars of her anti-vax Tweets
As they increased in size
Oversaw the demise
Of his prowess between the sheets
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
His poor swollen Castor and Pollux
But Professor Chris
When asked about this
Said it’s all undoubtedly bollocks
You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise
You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace
You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise
If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.
Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.
Maybe someone should tell the chickens.
(There Ain’t No) Halfway There
If you halve child poverty, will they all be half as poor?
Or will half be as poor as all they were before?
What sort of compromise
With government lies
About austerity and poverty
And children going hungry
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
The judgement of Solomon is somehow lost on them
The biblical rule said going halves ain’t cool
What kind of compromise
With folk that you despise
Says, you know well maybe
If we can’t have all the baby
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
We went looking for the centre, but all we found was the system
There ain’t no halfway there
The judgement of Solomon is somehow lost on them
The biblical rule said going halves ain’t cool
What kind of compromise
With folk that you despise
Says, you know well maybe
If we can’t have all the baby
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
We went looking for the centre, but all we found was the system
There ain’t no halfway there
There ain’t no halfway
There ain’t no halfway there
Today, I’m Singing
Yesterday, I couldn’t touch things
Today, I can touch things
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
What about me?
I’m CEV
A year in isolation, cough free
Does anyone care about my captivity?
Yesterday I couldn’t go out
Today I can go out
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
Kids with vaccines
Wanna live their dreams
Sick of the disease
Time to do what they please
So, is it goodbye Jason and Joanna?
Yesterday, I couldn’t work things out
Today, I still can’t work things out
But yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
What about me?
I’m CEV
A year in isolation, cough free
Does anyone care about me?
Yesterday, I couldn’t touch things
Today, I can touch things
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
Pricks in Space
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Jeff’s got a rocket
Looks like a cock
It’s a rich spaceman
Delivery system
If space is so much better
He should just go and live there
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Richard was skint
But now he’s got a mint
To spunk on a rocket
That looks like a cock
It’s a rich spaceman
Delivery system
Only a space mission
By the NASA definition
Cos there’s not enough to keep him here
He loves a party near the edge of atmosphere
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Elon wants a rocket
That looks like a cock
It’s a burning ambition
To fly a space mission
So he’s looking for a lift with Dick
Cos he thinks that Jeff’s a prick
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
In space
In space
Euro 2020
A beaming Kier Starmer is beamed into our homes
Wearing an England top stitched by children in export processing zones,
And who’s that posing by an England flag? Why it’s Owen Jones.
It’s amazing what winning and taking the knee can do,
Even Priti’s forgotten that she’d rather boo
And that seems to go for her boss too
With his England shirt worn over his clothes.
Keep the politicians out of football, but not the politics,
‘Cos it’s hard not to love a team that’s anti-racist
And not afraid to make the boo boys face it.
Who’ll speak truth to power and use their position
Like Marcus, leader of the opposition,
Got Spaffer to cough up on child nutrition.
If there’s a righteous pass then they’re gonna chase it.
So, Lee Anderson can go unpack a box
And take that wanker with him, Laurence Fox.
In fact, all the politician bandwagon jumpers
Who would never normally know their Arse from their Spurs
Or their O’s from their Bees
Can watch at home on TV
While our players take the knee,
Because just sticking to football ain’t the aim
And Black Lives Matter in the People’s Game.
Cyanide Sid Cooper
He’d punch his opponent
Though punching weren’t allowed
He’d wind up the ref
And he’d wind up the crowd
In his black leotard that only had one strap
You knew you were in for a bit of a scrap
Because his wrestling shenanigans should’ve got him banned
And God help you if you tried to shake his outstretched hand
‘Cos dirty Sid came from Dirty Leeds
Filling your Saturday teatime with dirty deeds
Picking up public warnings for fun
He’d often find himself undone
By two falls, two submissions or a knockout
‘Cos rules really weren’t what he was about
But now it’s goodnight grapple fans from Cyanide Sid
At the end of a heel’s life well lived
With a twisted smile as he’d twist a limb.
If only Spaffer were as honest as him
Killing People’s Okay, But Kissing Them Isn’t
Killing people’s okay
But kissing ’em isn’t.
Give your girl a job,
But make sure you keep her distant
Workplace lovin’
Brings a certain frisson
But killing people’s okay
And kissing ‘em isn’t
Hopeless Hancock had his cake and ate it
Gave his girl a job, but now he might regret it
If there’s a prize for incompetence, you think he’d probably get it
But give ‘em extra marital, they won’t let you forget it
Professor Lockdown will tell ya, “It happened to me”.
But Hopeless don’t take advice easily.
Although he hands out contracts to friends and family
It’s about him and Gina: Stars of CCTV
‘Cos sex sells papers, I’m sure you understand
We live in saucy seaside postcard land
It’s Carry On Government at it’s most grand
And Hands Face Arse might get him banned
Drax
As I was passing Charlborough House
I met a man who’d stopped to stare
I asked the stranger as we stood
What kind of folk live there
What kind of folk live there
The kind of folk live there, said he
Built the wall that now divides
Own all the land that you can see
And half of Dorsetshire besides
Half of Dorsetshire besides
Half of Dorsetshire besides, said I
And all the land that I can see
Pray tell me sir, what kind of folk
Have such economy?
Have such economy?
Such economy? Said he
Why that’s the home of Richard Drax
Whose family wealth was built upon
Thirty thousand broken backs
Thirty thousand broken backs
Thirty thousand broken backs, said I
Pray tell me what you mean
Does such a man of wealth and land
Have hands that aren’t kept clean?
Hands that aren’t kept clean?
Hands that aren’t kept clean? Said he
His money came from slavery
His hands are dirty as can be
Here’s a little history
A little history, said he
That history begins with James
Whose money came from sugar cane
A pioneer of the slave trade
And Drax Hall stands today
Drax Hall stands today
Drax Hall stands today, said he
And Drax plantation too
Where brother William took the trade
And their slave numbers grew
Their slave numbers grew
Their slave numbers grew, said he
Until there came the day
That slavery was banned, said he
But it was John Drax who got paid (a fortune)
John Drax who got paid
It was John Drax who got paid, said he
And not the former slaves
The owners compensated
Not the people freed from chains
Not the people freed from chains
Not the people freed from chains, said he
And Drax lives to this day
On the wealth of land worked by slaves
That he glibly waves away
He glibly waves away
He glibly waves away, said he
He denies his history
Says it was hundreds of years ago
Nothing to do with me, says he
Nothing to do with me
Nothing to do with me, said I
When his life’s such luxury
And owns half of Dorsetshire beside
Off the proceeds of slavery
The proceeds of slavery
As I was passing Charlborough House
I met a man who’d stopped to stare
So I asked the stranger what it was
That he was doing there
What are you doing there
What am I doing here, said he
I’ve come to settle the score
This day there might be just me
But one day there’ll be more
One day there’ll be more
One day there’ll be more, said he
One day then we’ll see
The attitudes of slavers
Join their statues in the sea
Join their statues in the sea
As I was passing Charlborough House,
I met a man who’d stopped to stare
And having heard his story
I stayed and joined him there
I stayed and joined him there
Steve White & The Protest Family 