Tag: Taliban

The Taliban Have Bought Melchester Rovers

It’s all going to change down at Mel Park;
They haven’t done the double since ’72.
Now next season’s home kit will be all black
And the players will all sport beards too.

‘Cos the Taliban have bought Melchester Rovers,
The Premier League said they’re fit and proper,
The fans trust that they’re guaranteed results,
Or Roy Race’s other foot might come a cropper.

Yes, the Taliban have bought Melchester Rovers,
“It’s not a sportswash,” a spokesperson said,
“To want legitimacy on primetime TV,
You could have had Sports Direct instead.”

Now some of the crowd are on the pitch,
Celebrating the arrival of their new owners,
‘Cos the Premier League said that they’re fit and proper
And the Taliban have bought Melchester Rovers.

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Father Michael

Father Michael only liked liturgical music
But he never shot a folk singer in the head
Even when atheist lyric and rhyme
Where enough to make a man of god see red.
Meanwhile north of Kabul,
The Taliban
Shot an Afghan man
For singing songs they consider haram.

Father Michael only liked liturgical music
And insisted it was on the curriculum
But at least he wanted girls as well as boys
To understand the music of Christendom.
Meanwhile in the USA,
The Texas pro-lifers, they say
Are hitting women’s rights harder than
That other mob in Afghanistan.

Father Michael only like liturgical music
But he thought shooting folk singers was a sin.
He never pronounced on the war on terror
I suspect it was never expected of him,
But on the issue of abortion
He’d have exercised some caution
And while decrying the Afghan Taliban coup
Would wonder when the Texans would start shooting folk singers too.

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The War on Terror

The Colonel’s run out of chickens
And Ronald’s run out of shakes
Joe’s run away from the War On Terror
Without admitting anyone’s mistakes.
Now the media’s full of armchair experts
And actual experts like Professor Glees
(Although not an expert on the Middle East)
Talking like Forever War high priests.
Because the quickest way to transfer money
From public purse to shareholder value
Is to start a war in a foreign country
And tell ‘em you’re installing democracy too,
Then roll your eyes and blame ISIS
For the inevitable refugee crisis.
Don’t forget that Ben Wallace, MP
Was the overseas director of an arms company
And Blair’s advice never comes for free
With his current interests in the UAE.
From a botched Libyan intervention
To WMD’s we never mention
The war on a concept’s turned a pretty penny
For the few at the expense of the very many.
But now the Colonel’s run out of chickens
And Ronald’s run out of shakes
Joe’s run away from the War On Terror
And the mess an imperialist adventure makes.

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