The Queen is dead, long live the King
With barely pause for breath
Or chance for anyone to ask
If this is for the best
The new PM, not camera-shy
Jumps aboard the royal ride
She wants those headline stories
King Charles the Third, King of the Tories
And old in years but new in post
Big Ears agreed to be her host
As they set out to tour the land
Of crowds policed with heavy hand
Where protest is all but banned
(Such a heinous caper
To hold aloft a piece of paper
Or call out your response
To the presence of a sweaty nonce)
Meanwhile, back in Parliament
The doors stay firmly closed
So no one hears the argument
Against a king imposed
Or his parade’s flamboyance
In a time of crisis
Or his tax avoidance
And the powers that allow this
(Three hundred million quid
God forbid
Remain in royal coffers
Received with little thanks, cap doffers)
No effective government
Since Spaffer’s slow departure
The new Tory incumbent
Threatens even harder
And mourning not withstanding
Has plans to keep rich standing
While the poor just quietly fall
It’s what she would’ve wanted, after all
Tag: prince andrew
Superheroes, Supervillains
Did you ever while away a childhood hour
Imagining your very own superpower?
But never able to scratch that itch
‘Cos superpower’s reserved for the super-rich
Batman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
But if the city upped the ante
And binned the vigilante
They could fund the GCPD
Properly
(Commissioner Gordon would be proud)
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Ironman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
‘Cos Stark Industries’
A monopoly
With sights on the whole defence
Industry
(He’s got a military industrial complex)
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Andrew’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Livin’ off tax paid by you lot
Touches who he wants
With impunity
‘Cos his superpower’s unaccountability
(On account of his mum being Queen)
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another
Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another
Jacob’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
His hedge fund’s laughin’
While other folk are starvin’
His superpower’s alarming, while his wealth he’s guarding
(He just doesn’t see poor people)
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Hand over the keys to the Batmobile
Built by our labour of hand and brain
And hand over the iron suit too
We don’t want to see your superhero arses round here again
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Prince Charles
He still eats meat five days a week
And runs his car on cheese and wine,
Owns two hundred square miles of land
And several droves of rarest swine.
He’s waited on around the clock
On hand and foot and royal cock,
From royal shoe to royal sock
And royal boxer to royal jock.
He married the nation’s sweetheart
Then walked his mate’s wife up the aisle,
He was mates with Jimmy Savile
And his brother is a paedophile.
He still eats meat five days a week
And runs his car on cheese and wine,
Owns homes that thousands of others live in
And lets the rents just climb and climb.
He’s waited on around the clock
On hand and foot and royal cock,
By valets who express no shock
At some duties that most might knock.
His brother is a paedophile
His uncle even worse, it’s said.
He runs his car on cheese and wine;
Like all the rest, off with his head.
Lockdown Singles Club, Part Two: Air Miles Andy
A Christmas Message
The Queen’s widely previewed but rarely watched Christmas message will be delivered in a royal blue 1 cashmere dress by Angela Kelly adorned with the sapphire and diamond brooch given to Queen Victoria by Prince Albert in 1840. In it she’ll encourage the country to put past differences behind us by referencing D-Day and describe the unveiling of her favourite son as a rapist and a liar as “quite bumpy” 2. Essential viewing for fans of carefully guarded language and calls for unity from super-rich folk who will do little else to achieve it.
Boris Johnson 3 meanwhile, clearly didn’t get the memo about national unity and focuses his Christmas message on Christians alone, referencing them three times in a 350-word statement while addressing a country whose own census data recognises several other major religions, Christianity’s declining popularity, and a rise in the number of people declaring themselves to be of no religion.4
On the subject of the census, Herod the Great’s Christmas message is that it, along with the Massacre of the Innocents, is just fake news.
We have yet to hear from Donald Trump, the festive season has gifted us impeachment after all, but his Christmas message will no doubt follow a similar pattern:
- A Christian message.
- Gratitude to the armed forces for freedom, democracy, etc.
- Gratitude to the police 5 and any other public servants working on Christmas Day.
Jeremy Corbyn, of course, bucks the trend by using his Christmas message to point out that Baby Jesus’ instruction to love thy neighbour isn’t reflected in the doubling of rough sleeping in the UK over the last six years of austere Tory rule.6
And that’s our message to you too this Christmas. It’s a tough old world out there that looks set to get tougher, so look after yourselves and each other and, however you identify, however you celebrate, if you’re a victim of the system, their system, we’re on your side, making music to bring hope, healing, encouragement, entertainment and outrage.
Hold your loved ones close this Christmas if you can, and think about those that can’t. Let’s all come out fighting in the New Year.
Merry Christmas!
Steve
1. Obviously.
2. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50895486. And listen out for Air Miles Andy, at gigs and hopefully on record soon.
5. Always the police, followed by nurses. Rarely do the other services get a special mention.
6. https://jeremycorbyn.org.uk/articles/jeremy-corbyn-my-christmas-message/index.html
Steve White & The Protest Family 