The government have called in NERVTAG
The government have called in SAGE
The government have called in SPIB and SPIM
As the virus continues to rage
So when the government meet at COBRA
And tell us they’re calling in SHIELD
You’ll know they’ve really lost it
If they think Fury’s the real deal.
Donald Trump is threatening to shoot Iranian ships
To drive up, we suspect, the oil price a bit
While supporting protesters rights
Against all medical advice
To let the virus just transmit
So long as they are not the ones to actually get it.
Meanwhile back home in the UK
We did eighteen thousand tests today.
A fair way short, granted
Of Hancock’s end of month hundred thousand target
And a vaccine is still months or years away
But still
B&Q is re-opening today.
Dead heroes are no use to anyone
But let’s be clear:
No one deliberately denied them what they need,
They just weren’t competent enough foresee
That it’ll happen here if it’s happening next door
And we don’t make our own stuff here anymore.
Dead heroes are no use to anyone
But let’s be clear:
They frequently turned a deaf ear
To talk of contingency planning
But they employ a great sloganeer
And you can all see it happening:
A failing government labelling you a hero
Because they’re getting it into the public’s head
Before they have to tell them that you’re dead.
But let’s be clear,
Dead heroes are no use to anyone.
Matt Hancock wishes he had a magic wand
So he could make PPE fall from the sky
Care homes deluged and hospitals bombed
With gloves, gowns, goggles and no one asking why
That last week he said PPE was plentiful
The only problem was that it was in the wrong place
And we were being far too sceptical
All we needed was to give him some space
To find the right warehouses, but did he get it wrong?
Was the PPE really in the sky all along?
Eight hundred and sixty-one dead today: it’s working
A badge for care workers, but they have to pay: it’s working
Nearly fourteen thousand in total died: it’s working
The wrong sort of ventilator specified: it’s working
The media discussing austerity: it’s working
The NHS run like a charity: it’s working
Therese Coffey
Says there’s loads of PPE.
She doesn’t understand why lots of doctors disagree.
While Eamonn Holmes on ITV,
Ridiculously,
Won’t rule out 5G.
And if they’re not culling the herd
But flattening the curve,
Why are the real figures not preferred?
Because it turns out care home deaths don’t count.
So, what really is the full amount?
What’s paramount?
Public relations, public health or a profit and loss account?
He is risen
Like a loaf of bread
Like Jesus from the dead
From his ICU bed
He is risen
Like a hot air balloon
Turns out he’s not immune
The blond buffoon
He is risen
Like a head of steam
His dad said
He’s taken one for the team
He is risen
Like every virus measure
Like your blood pressure
When you got his letter
He is risen
But he’s not the messiah
He won’t take you higher
Don’t you wish this was satire?
Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
It must be very
Confusing
Which one you’re supposed to be in
When you told the rest of us
To be disciplined.
Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
In fact, he has three:
One in town,
One in the country,
And one in his constituency.
So, when he said “don’t travel to your second home”
He left travel from your first to your third alone.
While the prime minister is indisposed,
Here’s the government pecking order, disclosed:
It goes Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
So now we’ve got Raab, ‘cos Johnson is unwell.
And if Raab goes down, Sunak gets a spell.
And should Sunak lose his sense of smell,
Fourth on the list is Priti Patel
So whatever your position on the PM’s condition
(There’s little to applaud about his hospital admission
Save a salutary lesson about the virus’ transmission
And recognition of the position of the nurses and clinicians)
Michael Gove must ponder on his omission
From a list that doesn’t bode well:
Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
The Brits are buying bog roll while the Yanks are buying guns
They’re shooting at each other while we’re wiping our bums
But you can’t kill the virus with a bullet from a gun
And it might make you cough but it don’t give you the runs
We’re two nations still divided by our common tongues
The Brits are buying bog roll while the Yanks are buying guns
Steve White & The Protest Family 