Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, Hancock’s finally figured out
How many workers have died
So, if what killed you was a lack of gloves and gowns
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, if you’re an economist
You should perhaps try
And if you’re killed at work by a government slow to lock down
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
Ever wondered about the price of a human life?
Well, it’s this evening’s
Press briefing headline
So, if the government fatally let you down
You’re worth sixty thousand pounds
I’m coming back to work, and I need to know
That’s everything’s gonna be okay
So tell me my cabinet colleagues
What did you do while I was away?
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Tell us Michael, you had a plan
To run things pretty hot
Tell us Michael about the plan
What sort of numbers have we got?
Well boss the plan’s killed 20000 people
We said we’d do well to stay under that number
The plan’s killed over 20000 people
Running hot might’ve been a blunder
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Tell us Matt you had a plan
To sort out PPE
Tell us Matt you had a plan
What improvements have you seen?
Well boss there still ain’t quite enough
If I’m honest I’m starting to lose it
Even with all this military stuff
I didn’t expect the nurses to actually use it
Right, right, OK
Right, right, OK
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anyone have a bit of good news?
Does anybody have a bit of good news?
Yes Priti?
Well boss I’m pleased to report
I’ve driven shoplifting down
Boss without any support
I’ve driven shoplifting down
Two million useless home test kits
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Bought while summoning the spirit of the Blitz
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
The PHE media chatter
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Said testing the test was just a small matter
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
So it might vex, and it might irk
That two million home test kits don’t work
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Dumbing the PPE standards down
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
‘Cos there still ain’t enough of the right sort of gown
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Welcome to the global marketplace
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Where it seems that we’re not winning the race
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
An economic throw of the dice
Even the swabs are ten times the price
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Captain Tom confined to his garden
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
As social distancing guidelines harden
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
And if Captain Tom should need assistance
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
His helper would have to keep their distance
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Six foot six between the joggers and the shoppers
But Westminster Bridge is covered in coppers
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Sunak found the magic money tree
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
But he can’t seem to use it to buy PPE
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
While Hancock, whose word is not his bond
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
Now says he needs a magic wand
(Captain Tom better keep walking)
And selling badges to cover this mess
Shows they don’t care about the NHS
So Captain Tom better keep walking
Matt Hancock wishes he had a magic wand
So he could make PPE fall from the sky
Care homes deluged and hospitals bombed
With gloves, gowns, goggles and no one asking why
That last week he said PPE was plentiful
The only problem was that it was in the wrong place
And we were being far too sceptical
All we needed was to give him some space
To find the right warehouses, but did he get it wrong?
Was the PPE really in the sky all along?
Supply and demand like you were taught at school
Economically, that’s the golden rule
But demand a gown
And you’ll get put down
Demand a mask
It’s too big of an ask
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
Remember when they asked you to lend ‘em your vote
With a snappy spin doctored memorable quote
Demand a test
Queue up with the rest
A ventilator?
See you later
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge
Supply and demand, like you were taught at school
Is holding the government up to ridicule
Ventilators?
We built the wrong ones
Reagents?
Can’t use just anyone’s
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
Listening to Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour 1?
The excuses are running out of staying power
Demand PPE
For excuse number three
Or parity
For the care industry
We’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge
What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge
“Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour” courtesy of John Beaumont from Batsfeet
What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
Did your boss insist that you still came in?
Did they give you gloves and facemasks Dad?
Did they care you might catch COVID-19?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
How bad was it in the hospital?
How did you do it without PPE, Mum?
Do you think the government cared at all?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
How scared were you when you got your score?
With your age and your conditions, Dad
Did you understand what they did that for?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you stay indoors? Did you stay on the sofa?
Is that when you got pregnant, Mum?
Is that why Dad calls me Corona?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
Did you sneak a few mates round for a barbeque?
Did you have a beer and a laugh then, Dad?
Is that why the government blamed you?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you dust off your uniform and go back to service?
Did you have a row about staying at home?
Did the risks not make you nervous?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
With your investment portfolio?
Did your hedge fund do alright then Dad?
Did the crisis help your money to grow?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?
Matt Hancock, what did you do?
Dominic Raab, what did you do?
Priti Patel, what did you do?
Boris Johnson, what did you do?
By April, thiry-six thousand cases
And countless thousands more left untested
By April, over three thousand dead
A number that’s at least less contested
Among them, four doctors, but what’s worse is
The government forgot to count the nurses
Matt Hancock, in the weekly news round-up
Confident he’s got his numbers down
Until a question he did not expect
Reduces government minister to clown
Under his breath, the statistician curses
The government forgot to count the nurses
Each Thursday we gather on our doorsteps
With pots and pans and hands to give applause
For the selfless sacrifice and devotion
Of the real heroes of this cause
A chanted admonition in our verses
No government should ever forget the nurses
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow, Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
Gove’s conferences fell quite flat, Matt
He won’t be a tough act to follow
And Boris promised ‘em millions, Matt
But he ain’t got much truth left to borrow
So tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
The Mail are beginning to turn on us, Matt
And that’s hard for us Tories to swallow
Tell ‘em the Germans have got all tests, Matt
While our industry laid fallow
And tell ‘em well test ‘em tomorrow
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow, Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
We know that they’re needed right now, Matt
And so do the WHO
Tell ‘em there’s no point in blame, Matt
Do a cover up job for the shit show
And tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
Boris said he’s got it and Hancock’s coughing too
What’s a brave political adviser to do?
There’s government to govern and important things to say
But Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
He’s the man behind the plan of herd immunity
He said there’s nowt to fear for the majority
But now his boss has got it he’s looking rather grey
And Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
They say that a crisis is a making of a man
So where the hell was Cummings when the shit hit the fan
His boss was shaking hands with patients yesterday
Now Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away
Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
Matt says that he’s working from home
He says that you should too
But you can’t build luxury flats on the phone
You still have to get on the tube
Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
Boris says he’s working from home
He’s urging you to do the same
But you can’t fix washing machines on the phone
And stayin’ home just won’t pay
Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
Charlie’s working from one of his homes
But his staff don’t get a say
He can be the heir to the throne on the phone
‘Cos no-one’s listening anyway
Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
Mild symptoms – not everybody gets ‘em
Mild symptoms – nor the level of protection
Mild symptoms – and tests for politicians
But not for the nurses or the clinicians
Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
They all got tested too
Steve White & The Protest Family 