Tag: coronavirus

Matt Hancock’s Badge

Supply and demand like you were taught at school
Economically, that’s the golden rule
But demand a gown
And you’ll get put down
Demand a mask
It’s too big of an ask
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

Remember when they asked you to lend ‘em your vote
With a snappy spin doctored memorable quote
Demand a test
Queue up with the rest
A ventilator?
See you later
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge

Supply and demand, like you were taught at school
Is holding the government up to ridicule
Ventilators?
We built the wrong ones
Reagents?
Can’t use just anyone’s
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

Listening to Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour 1?
The excuses are running out of staying power
Demand PPE
For excuse number three
Or parity
For the care industry
We’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge

 

  1. “Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour” courtesy of John Beaumont from Batsfeet

 

care

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Put Him on the Spot

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about Germany
New Zealand, South Korea or even the Chinese
Put him on the spot about the Swedes
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about Exercise Cygnus
Put him on the spot about the spread of the sickness
Put him on the spot about the ventilator business
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the Cheltenham Festival
Or the number of tests that’s instantly forgettable
Put him on the spot about building sites as well
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the London Underground
Put him on the spot about bus drivers gone down
He’ll tell he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the care home staff
Put him on the spot about the state of the graph
Put him on the spot about his boss having a laugh
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

(Untitled – 14th April 2020)

Therese Coffey
Says there’s loads of PPE.
She doesn’t understand why lots of doctors disagree.

While Eamonn Holmes on ITV,
Ridiculously,
Won’t rule out 5G.

And if they’re not culling the herd
But flattening the curve,
Why are the real figures not preferred?

Because it turns out care home deaths don’t count.
So, what really is the full amount?
What’s paramount?
Public relations, public health or a profit and loss account?

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What Did You Do in the Lockdown, Dad?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
Did your boss insist that you still came in?
Did they give you gloves and facemasks Dad?
Did they care you might catch COVID-19?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
How bad was it in the hospital?
How did you do it without PPE, Mum?
Do you think the government cared at all?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
How scared were you when you got your score?
With your age and your conditions, Dad
Did you understand what they did that for?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you stay indoors? Did you stay on the sofa?
Is that when you got pregnant, Mum?
Is that why Dad calls me Corona?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
Did you sneak a few mates round for a barbeque?
Did you have a beer and a laugh then, Dad?
Is that why the government blamed you?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you dust off your uniform and go back to service?
Did you have a row about staying at home?
Did the risks not make you nervous?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
With your investment portfolio?
Did your hedge fund do alright then Dad?
Did the crisis help your money to grow?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

Matt Hancock, what did you do?
Dominic Raab, what did you do?
Priti Patel, what did you do?
Boris Johnson, what did you do?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Priti Sorry

She’s sorry that you think that it’s a lot of people dying
She’s sorry that you think that the government aren’t trying
She’s sorry that you think that they’re not testing enough people
She’s sorry that you think that their response is pretty feeble

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that the government could do better
She’s sorry that you didn’t like Boris Johnson’s letter
She’s sorry that you think that nurses shouldn’t be wearing bin bags
She’s sorry that you didn’t like her stint between the flags

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think they’re failing the frontline
She’s sorry that you think that they wasted too much time
She’s sorry that you don’t find her words conciliatory
She’s sorry that you don’t think she’s actually sorry

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry )

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Jacob’s Making Money

While Boris is taking short walks around the ward
And the economy is frantically hurtling toward
A crisis likes of which we can ill afford
Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

While doctors and nurses are dying for their labour
No thought for their safety as they try to save their neighbour
A crisis from the likes of which we all need a saviour
Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

A hedge fund ain’t for the likes of you and me
A hedge fund to the key worker is still a mystery
A hedge fund makes a profit on other people’s misery
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

While bus drivers are dying taking key workers to work
And the death toll is rising every day just like clockwork
It’s a crisis from the likes of which no minister should shirk
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

A hedge fund ain’t for the likes of you and me
A hedge fund to the key worker is still a mystery
A hedge fund makes a profit on other people’s misery
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
‘Cos Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

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He Is Risen

He is risen
Like a loaf of bread
Like Jesus from the dead
From his ICU bed

He is risen
Like a hot air balloon
Turns out he’s not immune
The blond buffoon

He is risen
Like a head of steam
His dad said
He’s taken one for the team

He is risen
Like every virus measure
Like your blood pressure
When you got his letter

He is risen
But he’s not the messiah
He won’t take you higher
Don’t you wish this was satire?

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Robert Jenrick

Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
It must be very
Confusing
Which one you’re supposed to be in
When you told the rest of us
To be disciplined.

Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
In fact, he has three:
One in town,
One in the country,
And one in his constituency.
So, when he said “don’t travel to your second home”
He left travel from your first to your third alone.

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Priti Patel

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
And used the virus as opportunity
To free her work from scrutiny

Now she’s running away

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who failed to notice the major groundswell
Of opinion about the jobs fulfilled
By people that she called unskilled

Now she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who knows full well ’bout NHS personnel
Everyone’s seen their value to the nation
But she won’t change her rules on immigration

That’s why she’s running away

We’re talking bus drivers, nurses, carers, shelf stackers
Refuse collectors, fruit pickers and packers
Teachers, cleaners, working on the Tube
Delivering the post and your parcels too
Low paid workers in often poor conditions
No room on this list for entitled politicians

There’s a story to tell about Priti Patel
Who headed for the hills when her boss was unwell
She’s fourth in line to be Tory Leader
But it’s been weeks since anyone has seen her

Guess she’s running away

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Who Cares What Nigel Farage Says?

Farage wants to know who gets the button
Farage wants to know who gets to drop the bomb
In the middle of the crisis with Johnson gone

Farage is worried ‘bout the virus
Farage thinks that it will stop us getting Brexit done
His one trick pony race is not yet run

Farage doesn’t rate the current cabinet
Farage thinks he’s better than the whole current shit show
From the comfort of a radio studio

Farage says all politics is vile
Farage is telling callers not to get involved
Like his own political career has been absolved

You might tune in to listen to Eddie Mair
But the moral of this story should not come as a shock
Turn your radio back over at six o’clock

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