Tag: boris johnson

What Did You Do in the Lockdown, Dad?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
Did your boss insist that you still came in?
Did they give you gloves and facemasks Dad?
Did they care you might catch COVID-19?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
How bad was it in the hospital?
How did you do it without PPE, Mum?
Do you think the government cared at all?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
How scared were you when you got your score?
With your age and your conditions, Dad
Did you understand what they did that for?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you stay indoors? Did you stay on the sofa?
Is that when you got pregnant, Mum?
Is that why Dad calls me Corona?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
Did you sneak a few mates round for a barbeque?
Did you have a beer and a laugh then, Dad?
Is that why the government blamed you?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you dust off your uniform and go back to service?
Did you have a row about staying at home?
Did the risks not make you nervous?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
With your investment portfolio?
Did your hedge fund do alright then Dad?
Did the crisis help your money to grow?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

Matt Hancock, what did you do?
Dominic Raab, what did you do?
Priti Patel, what did you do?
Boris Johnson, what did you do?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

He Is Risen

He is risen
Like a loaf of bread
Like Jesus from the dead
From his ICU bed

He is risen
Like a hot air balloon
Turns out he’s not immune
The blond buffoon

He is risen
Like a head of steam
His dad said
He’s taken one for the team

He is risen
Like every virus measure
Like your blood pressure
When you got his letter

He is risen
But he’s not the messiah
He won’t take you higher
Don’t you wish this was satire?

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The Government Pecking Order

While the prime minister is indisposed,
Here’s the government pecking order, disclosed:

It goes Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
So now we’ve got Raab, ‘cos Johnson is unwell.
And if Raab goes down, Sunak gets a spell.
And should Sunak lose his sense of smell,
Fourth on the list is Priti Patel

So whatever your position on the PM’s condition
(There’s little to applaud about his hospital admission
Save a salutary lesson about the virus’ transmission
And recognition of the position of the nurses and clinicians)
Michael Gove must ponder on his omission
From a list that doesn’t bode well:
Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.

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He’s Going in for Tests

There’s a hospital admission
In the second edition
As his grip is slipping on the reins of power
It’s his chest
He’s going in for tests

He’s not discharged
Says he’s still in charge
But lurking is Raab named number two
Not the best
He’s going in for tests

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

He has little clue
And he’s flippant too
Now it’s number two at the conference
Facing the press
He’s going in for tests

With your coughing head
From your hospital bed
You can’t get ahead
Of the crisis
They professed
He’s going in for tests

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

There’s a hospital admission
In the second edition
And his hand is slipping under his gown
You’ll understand
He’s got time on his hands

When Boris Johnson masturbates, he’s imagines he’s Winston Churchill
But when his D-day landing moment came, he was quite ill
And as the reins of power are starting to slip from his grasp
He’s pondering the wisdom of Last Gasp

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

A Government Strategy Meeting

We need a better strategy Dom, said Boris
The messaging’s not going well
They’ve worked we didn’t do anything in February
We need the public under our spell

We need another Taking Back Control
We need another Get Brexit Done
What about that Levido fellow, Dom?
He’s good when spin needs to be spun

I might’ve messed it up Dom, said Boris
With that business about seeing my mother
Although Kinnock junior kinda got us out of trouble
It’s one blunder after another

Get the Vote Leave chaps in Dom, said Boris
Get us that Stephenson cove
With me and the Health Sec feverish and coughing
All we’ve got left is Gove

We need a better slogan Dom, said Boris
To cover up the mess we’ve made
Stay Home, Save Lives, Protect Our NHS?
See, that’s why you’re my favourite aide

The death toll’s rising Dom, said Boris
But your slogan’s a bit of a hit
Just keep the spin and the lies coming, Dom
And we might just get away with it.

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Dominic Ran Away

 

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Boris said he’s got it and Hancock’s coughing too
What’s a brave political adviser to do?
There’s government to govern and important things to say
But Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

He’s the man behind the plan of herd immunity
He said there’s nowt to fear for the majority
But now his boss has got it he’s looking rather grey
And Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

They say that a crisis is a making of a man
So where the hell was Cummings when the shit hit the fan
His boss was shaking hands with patients yesterday
Now Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

Away run away, an adviser fleet of feet
Bag over his shoulder, fleeing Downing Street
Away run away, keep the infected at bay
Cos Dominic Cummings has upped and run away

by Categories: COVID-19, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Mild Symptoms

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Matt says that he’s working from home
He says that you should too
But you can’t build luxury flats on the phone
You still have to get on the tube

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Boris says he’s working from home
He’s urging you to do the same
But you can’t fix washing machines on the phone
And stayin’ home just won’t pay

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Charlie’s working from one of his homes
But his staff don’t get a say
He can be the heir to the throne on the phone
‘Cos no-one’s listening anyway

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too

Mild symptoms – not everybody gets ‘em
Mild symptoms – nor the level of protection
Mild symptoms – and tests for politicians
But not for the nurses or the clinicians

Charlie’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And Boris has got ‘em (mild symptoms)
Now Matt’s got ‘em (mild symptoms)
And they all got tested too
They all got tested too

by Categories: COVID-19, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Shut Down the Sites

 

A fake lockdown for the fake self-employed
In the cracks between the government guidance
In the shadows, lobbying money deployed
As contractors look after their clients
Tube trains packed with construction workers
Denied their basic rights
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites

The prime minister corrects his speech
He’s avoiding saying “must”
The position “if you can’t work from home” is reached
It’s unfair and unjust
That works canteens are full to bursting
Infection’s a throw of the dice
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites

They shut all the non-essential shops
And places where the people go
But non-essential work’s not stopped
‘Cos they still need their cash to flow
Support for the economy
Versus workers’ right to life
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites

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Mother’s Day in the Johnson House

It’s Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
That’s six different kids from three different mothers
Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
And Carrie’s about to become another

There’s four kids with Marina
And one with Helen
Another one about which
He’s just not tellin’
And one on the way
That’ll make seven
Its Mother’s Day alright

Its Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
She’s a successful painter who’s 77
Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
Looking forward to an expensive present

He said “Not just a card,
Not just flowers”
I’m going to exercise
Emergency powers
People won’t see their mums
But I might see ours
Its Mother’s Day alright

Its Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
And staying away is good advice
Mother’s Day in the Johnson house
This year’s could come with a heavy price
It’s Mother’s Day alright.

by Categories: COVID-19, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Nudge

 

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show.
Covering our wages while on furlough.
But why didn’t he do it three weeks ago?
Instead mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show
Who didn’t listen to the WHO.
We’re standing on the precipice, don’t you know?
And mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Three cheers for the PM off the quiz show,
For shutting Bannatynes, the Rose, and Cargo.
But I read it first in the Metro
‘Cos mostly we just get nudge.
Nudge.

Nudge:
Makes you think that your neighbours are your judge.
Nudge:
Designed to make your opinion slightly budge.
Nudge:
Is Cumming’s tool but it’s used too much.
Nudge:
When you need leadership but just get fudge.

Three cheers for the PM of the shit show.
The cracks are appearing in the braggadocio.
The tube is as dangerous as the siege of Jericho.
Let the passengers off, or just nudge.
Nudge.

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment