A strip of black tape
Obscures her number plate
But her radiator grilles are on display
Admiring the allures
Of something that ain’t yours
You wonder what his wife would have to say
Porno of this parish
The MP for smut
Thinks I’d plough a field with her any day
There’s harvesters and balers and compactors
He’s sitting in the Commons browsing Readers’ Tractors
Category: poetry
Privatise the Arse Off It
Trouble at the Passport Office
Privatise the arse off it
Run it for my pals’ profit
A one-trick Tory cries
Like Mogg he wants you at your desk
Who’s haunting corridors obsessed
His sarcastic notes grotesque
Bullying in disguise
‘Cause they privatised the arse off the trains
The cars and the buses and the planes
The gas the electric the phones and the drains
The post and the college of flames
And if you’re still waiting for a visa from Ukraine
They privatised the arse off that too
Just sayin’
Londongrad Laundry
Adolf Hitler, Mickey Mouse
Registered at Companies House
Own empty homes in royal parks
For kleptocrats and oligarchs
She sells sea shell companies
That buy Mayfair properties
At market rate and then a half
To give their Russian dough a bath
‘Cause Thatcher’s big bang economics
Made the filthy rich a promise
Your anonymity’s guaranteed
In our offshore industry
We’ll help you manage reputation
Ignore the odd defenestration
So if your money’s really bad
Bring soap and towels to Londongrad
Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022
Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying
The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate
For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame
And Mogg Tweeted Alleluia
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
To the ungodly policy of offshore asylum
Love thy neighbour but only from a distance
Sounding Johnson’s Operation Red Meat siren
But Castle’s voice from the pews cried we tithed for our views
And we don’t like change around here
You shouldn’t get to choose your country of refuge
And Rwanda’s very nice this time of year we hear
So Secretary Patel issued ministerial direction
To whistle up the dog a fascist bone
Of immigration by racial selection
A one-way ticket or a middle-class home
More folk will die of Covid in 2022
Than seek asylum in this green and pleasant land
Swiftly and humanely removed is the clue
To the Easter politics of the damned
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
But Johnson and Patel just say screw ya
We’re loving our neighbours but only at a distance
And Mogg tweeted Alleluia
Spaffer In Ukraine Again
Safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
Spaffer’s on walkabout in Ukraine
He really has a talent
For reputation management
A cock-up covering caper once again
But if he has a second
He should take a trip to Yemen
And watch British bombs being dropped by British planes
Or if he’s of a mind
Walkabout in Palestine
And contemplate their sovereign state claim
‘Cause if he’s safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
There’s lots of war for him to try and game
Gender-Neutral Toilets
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
Like the one on a plane
And the one on a train
Like getting caught short in the woods in the rain.
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
So politically correct
What did you expect
One or more types from which to select?
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
How outré
To piss that way
What would the second world war generation say?
Who didn’t have a gender-neutral toilet in their house
Not because of pride
Or of bigotry implied
But because their gender-neutral toilet was outside
When Is It Over?
When is it over?
It’s over today
What on earth do you mean, said he
She said, it’s not gone away
But it’s over today
Because tests are no longer free
As a fool once said
In the time that he led
If you don’t look, then you won’t see
So, it’s over today
Without going away
Because tests are no longer free
Gangster Government
Gangster government for gangster bosses
Cutting their losses
With jobs and rights
Gangster government for gangster firms
Ripping up terms
To DP’s delight
Gangster governments for gangster companies
P&O Ferries
It ain’t alright
Gangster government’s crocodile tears
As it appears
They knew that night
Gangster government’s Brittania Unchained
Holds workers in disdain
That’s the Tory right
Gangster government for gangster oligarchs
Swimming with the sharks
Forgetting that they bite
Gangster government for gangster lobbies
Ignoring the bodies
With indifferent spite
Prince William in Jamaica
His Royal Highness
Dressed to oppress
In his brightest whitest colonial best
Atop a Land Rover owned by Queen Bess
Says I feel sorrow about the slaves
I feel so sorry you feel that way
Britannia rules the waves
Steve White & The Protest Family 