Category: Lyrics

Let the Bodies Pile High

James Dyson’s tax bill, Cameron and Greensill
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Hancock’s sister’s company, Jennifer Arcuri
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Sixty grand wallpaper, the Barnard Castle caper
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Wincanton’s LFTs, being accused of sleaze
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, Spaffer’s battle cry
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands

Big contract awards, in the Commons and the Lords
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Ayanda Capital, nothing wrong with that at all
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Randox and Serco, racing’s where the money goes
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Nothing here to see, no public inquiry
Let the bodies pile high
Let the bodies pile high

Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands
Let the bodies pile high, Spaffer’s battle cry
Let the bodies pile high, in their thousands

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Colin, the COVID Cat

Colin the cat caught a cough.
A new persistent cough
That Colin the cat couldn’t shake off.
Because Colin was a Covid cat.
Because of the food chain and all that.
Because humans got it from bats
And the humans fed the cats.

Chloe, the keeper of cats,
Noticed Colin coughing, said “What’s all that”
“A coughing cat?”
Dialled 111 to speak to someone
But couldn’t get Colin a Covid test done.
They said, “Your best bet is to try the vets”
“We don’t do a Covid test for pets”

And Chloe, the keeper of cats,
Said, “Why do I pay my tax?”
“And my National Insurance and that”
“If I can’t get a Covid test for my cat?”
“He’s not a pangolin or a bat.”
“It’s discrimination, it’s a bitter pill”
“That you get a vet’s bill when the cat is ill.”

So Chloe cat-keeper used a mobile device
To access some free internet advice
About what to do with a persistent cough
That Colin the cat couldn’t shake off
With no cat cough medicine to quaff.
And much to Colin’s frustration
Chloe put Colin in isolation

Colin the cat, in Covid jail
To protect cats more vulnerable and frail
Will use a life to tell this tale
Of Colin, the coughing Covid cat,
Victim of the food chain and all that
Because the humans ate the pangolins and bats
And the humans fed the cats.

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Spaffed

Let’s paint it blue,
Draped with union jacks
But Spaffer’s West Wing
Just got the axe
He said “They wanna hear me”
But doubt got in his head
And now Allegra needs
Another job instead

Her’s got spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
He Spaffed on the bus, he spaffed in space
He Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s build a bridge
Bedecked with flowers
Take what’s theirs
And make it ours
We’ll host bridge parties,
Corporate jollies
Another of Johnson’s
Corporate follies

It got spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
He Spaffed on the bus, he spaffed in space
He Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s build an island
In the middle of the Thames
For planes to take off
And to land again
Like many of his ideas
This one was crap
Four million quid later,
Boris Island got scrapped

It got Spaffed

Spaffed! There goes your taxpayer pound
Spaffed! By Bozo the Clown
Spaffed on the bus, spaffed in space
Spaffed on Dido’s track and Dido’s trace

Let’s paint it blue,
Draped in Union Jacks
Let’s paint it blue,
Draped in Union Jacks
Let’s paint it blue, draped in Union Jacks
And bury the news that it’s been spaffed
Spaffed

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Not That Fox

He hates this city so much that he wants to be its mayor
A cathedral of understanding that we need equality, we need to be fair
He’s come to unlock an open door
He’s come to fight in a culture war
He’s smoking in the sun on an open topped bus
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Free to speak his mind
Free to be unkind
Free to be intertwined
With Tommy Robinson’s kind
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s a racist

He hates this city so much that he wants to be its mayor
Reclaim his right to white privilege, blue eyes and blond hair
He’s here to stand up for statuery
He’s here to stand up when you’re taking the knee
He’s smoking in the sun on an open topped bus
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Winston and he
Just wanna be free
Free to delay the vaccine
Free to be casually mean
Free to be the latest seen
On the Farage libertarian scene
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s not a racist but
He’s a racist

He’s a fox that we’re not on the side of
What he talks is definitely wide of
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right
Right, whose right, what right, his right

Here’s a fox that we’re not on the side of

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Ten Out of Ten

Spaffer and Jennifer
On the sofa
When Marina was out

Spaffer and Jennifer
Reading Macbeth
Before making out

Spaffer and Jennifer
Sending him pictures
With her titties out

Spaffer and Jennifer taking trips abroad
Spaffer and Jennifer committing fraud

But Spaffer got to mark his own homework again
And Spaffer gave himself ten out of ten

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

Police on the common
At the vigil
Pushing women about

Police on the common
Pushing women about
With their truncheons out

Police on the common
Keeping the peace
Until the lights go out

Her Majesty’s Inspector looked hard and long
Her Majesty’s Inspector says they did nothing wrong

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

The Commission on Race
And Ethnic Disparity
Report came out

The Commission said
It was a youthful
Idealistic shout

The Commission said
Now there’s nothing
To worry about

The Commission said they’d looked hard and long
The Commission said BLM had got it wrong

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
He marked his own homework
And got ten out of ten

Ten out of ten
Ten out of ten
When he marks his own homework
He gets ten out of ten

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Respect

Let’s drape a flag over every rough sleeper
Wave one at every asylum seeker
Fly one proudly on every food bank
Use Union Jack tissues to blow your nose
Let’s place our hands over our hearts
Whenever the national anthem starts
And belt out the first half dozen words
Replacing the rest with der-der-ders

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

Let’s demonstrate our loyalties
By being mean to refugees
Daub the job centre red, white and blue
Hand plastic flags to the soup kitchen queue
Let’s place our hands over our hearts
Whenever the national anthem starts
And belt out the first half dozen words
Replacing the rest with der-der-ders

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

Cos if you don’t show respect
You might start thinking about what’s actually going on around you
One in 445 dead
A roadmap, where will it end?
From feudalism to cronyism via capitalism

And der-der-der the national anthem

And show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
You’ve gotta show respect
If you don’t show respect what could happen next?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Jason and Joanna: Vaccine Wars

Joanna was waiting for a text from the surgery
Jason got a message that there was some going free
The end of the day, or it would be thrown away
Jason said that vaccine is mine

Jason got the Pfizer, she’ll probably get the Oxford one
His was from Germany, Joanna’s will be homespun
She heard side effects affect nearly everyone
Jason, however, was fine

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war

Jason shrugged, said it’s all about your contacts
It’s nothing personal you’ve got to watch your own back
You’ll get yours soon enough, I don’t understand the fuss
It’s the one thing he thinks he got right

Joanna thought the deal was to be in it together
Last year it was her warning him of heavy weather
He’s got everything wrong, now he’s coming on strong
It looks like there’s gonna be a fight

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war

She said no man is an island, I just don’t get it
It’s not like you to tell the world to just forget it
You think you’re the best but you’re gonna regret it
I don’t understand this at all

There’s no point being alone in your immunity
You might call it a herd but it’s actually community
Not a competition at every opportunity
Jason, you’re building a wall
Jason, you’re building a wall

And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war
And she’s mad that he kept the vaccine to himself
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health
Now they’re ramping up the rhetoric, nuclear arms
There getting ready for a vaccine war
There getting ready for a vaccine war

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Knock, Knock!

Like a stopped clock, we kept Piers around
For the odd occasion on which he was right
But knock, knock, it was bound to come on top
And good morning Britain, the cock has taken flight

Now he’s throwing in his lot with the Foxes and the Youngs
Claiming free speech and foul with his forked tongue
And he’ll take his tirade to the anti-woke brigade
And take up sword and shield in Toby’s parade

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock

(We’re just choosing not to listen)

Joanne’s got a plan, in which she defines a man
And cancelleramous, there goes another fan
Even Potter can’t stop her now the plots gone bad
And it don’t please her there’s a reader who now wished they never had

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock

(We’re just choosing not to listen)

And Laurence lost stock when he got a Twitter block
From a Lewis co-star who thought he was a cock
Shouldn’t be a shock and we should probably thank her
Not on this Fox’s side, he’s an All Lives Matter wanker

Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
Knock, knock
We can still hear you
Knock, knock
We can hear you
You’re tweeting that you’re cancelled, but we can still hear you
We’re just choosing not to listen
Knock, knock

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Keith Likes It

Spaffer’s got a roadmap
And Keith likes it
A hearty virtual backslap
‘Cos Keith likes it

It’s cautious and irreversible
And Keith likes it
It’s economically purposeful
But educationally unworkable
And Keith likes it

When it comes to dealing with disease
Keith will always aim to please
Even if you’re on your knees
Keith will always say what he sees
And Keith likes it

Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it

Matt’s got money for his mates
And Keith likes it
Despite the legal mess that it makes
Keith likes it

Priti is waving her flag
And Keith likes it
It’s a look at my patriotism brag
That plays well in the daily rag
And Keith likes it

When it comes to dealing with disease
Keith will always aim to please
Even if you’re on your knees
Keith will always say what he sees
And Keith likes it

Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it
Keith likes it

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Free Stuff Jesus

An American friend pinned on a poppy
In fancy dress as an Englishman
Why? said I, well you guys fetishise
That World War Two generation
But only the war bit, man

American friends call us Brexitland
And Australian friends call us Plague Island
While Dr Chris got slapped down rude
Ordering Mexican food

And then Roger died
And all I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

An American friend coined Pandexit
Said it’s a matter of time before your man says it
Said you guys like a portmanteau
Like no one else in the world, bro

And then Cush died
And all I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
All I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

An American friend laughed last and longer
Getting over the line on election day
While the combined archbishoprics
Of Canterbury and York
Called for time to reflect and pray

And then Simon died
And all I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
All I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

American friends call us Brexitland
And Australian friends call us plague island
So Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
Free stuff Jesus, won’t you lend us a miracle
All I wanna be is somewhere
Where I can order a drink

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , 1 Comment