He is risen
Like a loaf of bread
Like Jesus from the dead
From his ICU bed
He is risen
Like a hot air balloon
Turns out he’s not immune
The blond buffoon
He is risen
Like a head of steam
His dad said
He’s taken one for the team
He is risen
Like every virus measure
Like your blood pressure
When you got his letter
He is risen
But he’s not the messiah
He won’t take you higher
Don’t you wish this was satire?
Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
It must be very
Confusing
Which one you’re supposed to be in
When you told the rest of us
To be disciplined.
Wouldn’t you expect
The Housing Secretary
To have more than one house?
In fact, he has three:
One in town,
One in the country,
And one in his constituency.
So, when he said “don’t travel to your second home”
He left travel from your first to your third alone.
While the prime minister is indisposed,
Here’s the government pecking order, disclosed:
It goes Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
So now we’ve got Raab, ‘cos Johnson is unwell.
And if Raab goes down, Sunak gets a spell.
And should Sunak lose his sense of smell,
Fourth on the list is Priti Patel
So whatever your position on the PM’s condition
(There’s little to applaud about his hospital admission
Save a salutary lesson about the virus’ transmission
And recognition of the position of the nurses and clinicians)
Michael Gove must ponder on his omission
From a list that doesn’t bode well:
Johnson, Raab, Sunak and Patel.
The Brits are buying bog roll while the Yanks are buying guns
They’re shooting at each other while we’re wiping our bums
But you can’t kill the virus with a bullet from a gun
And it might make you cough but it don’t give you the runs
We’re two nations still divided by our common tongues
The Brits are buying bog roll while the Yanks are buying guns
By April, thiry-six thousand cases
And countless thousands more left untested
By April, over three thousand dead
A number that’s at least less contested
Among them, four doctors, but what’s worse is
The government forgot to count the nurses
Matt Hancock, in the weekly news round-up
Confident he’s got his numbers down
Until a question he did not expect
Reduces government minister to clown
Under his breath, the statistician curses
The government forgot to count the nurses
Each Thursday we gather on our doorsteps
With pots and pans and hands to give applause
For the selfless sacrifice and devotion
Of the real heroes of this cause
A chanted admonition in our verses
No government should ever forget the nurses
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow, Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
Gove’s conferences fell quite flat, Matt
He won’t be a tough act to follow
And Boris promised ‘em millions, Matt
But he ain’t got much truth left to borrow
So tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
The Mail are beginning to turn on us, Matt
And that’s hard for us Tories to swallow
Tell ‘em the Germans have got all tests, Matt
While our industry laid fallow
And tell ‘em well test ‘em tomorrow
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow, Matt
Tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
We know that they’re needed right now, Matt
And so do the WHO
Tell ‘em there’s no point in blame, Matt
Do a cover up job for the shit show
And tell ‘em we’ll test ‘em tomorrow
We need a better strategy Dom, said Boris
The messaging’s not going well
They’ve worked we didn’t do anything in February
We need the public under our spell
We need another Taking Back Control
We need another Get Brexit Done
What about that Levido fellow, Dom?
He’s good when spin needs to be spun
I might’ve messed it up Dom, said Boris
With that business about seeing my mother
Although Kinnock junior kinda got us out of trouble
It’s one blunder after another
Get the Vote Leave chaps in Dom, said Boris
Get us that Stephenson cove
With me and the Health Sec feverish and coughing
All we’ve got left is Gove
We need a better slogan Dom, said Boris
To cover up the mess we’ve made
Stay Home, Save Lives, Protect Our NHS?
See, that’s why you’re my favourite aide
The death toll’s rising Dom, said Boris
But your slogan’s a bit of a hit
Just keep the spin and the lies coming, Dom
And we might just get away with it.
Tories get tests
While the rest of us guess
The science suggests
That’s it’s for the best
The more that you test
And so, we protest
Our distress
And express
That NHS workers
Should all get the test
I must confess
It leaves me quite vexed
That Tories get tests
While the rest of us guess
A fake lockdown for the fake self-employed
In the cracks between the government guidance
In the shadows, lobbying money deployed
As contractors look after their clients
Tube trains packed with construction workers
Denied their basic rights
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites
The prime minister corrects his speech
He’s avoiding saying “must”
The position “if you can’t work from home” is reached
It’s unfair and unjust
That works canteens are full to bursting
Infection’s a throw of the dice
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites
They shut all the non-essential shops
And places where the people go
But non-essential work’s not stopped
‘Cos they still need their cash to flow
Support for the economy
Versus workers’ right to life
It’s time to take matters seriously
It’s time to shut down the sites
Doctors and nurses were queens and kings
The bins emptied by heroes
Post was delivered on angels’ wings
The day the penny dropped
Carers were worth their weight in gold
Teachers the new royalty
No school meal was undersold
The day the penny dropped
Kindness and respect were earned
On supermarket checkouts
And fake celebrity was spurned
The day the penny dropped
Three cheers for those who clean and build
And serve and feed and care
And no-one said the word “unskilled”
The day the penny dropped
Steve White & The Protest Family 