Adolf Hitler, Mickey Mouse
Registered at Companies House
Own empty homes in royal parks
For kleptocrats and oligarchs
She sells sea shell companies
That buy Mayfair properties
At market rate and then a half
To give their Russian dough a bath
‘Cause Thatcher’s big bang economics
Made the filthy rich a promise
Your anonymity’s guaranteed
In our offshore industry
We’ll help you manage reputation
Ignore the odd defenestration
So if your money’s really bad
Bring soap and towels to Londongrad
Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying
The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate
For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
To the ungodly policy of offshore asylum
Love thy neighbour but only from a distance
Sounding Johnson’s Operation Red Meat siren
But Castle’s voice from the pews cried we tithed for our views
And we don’t like change around here
You shouldn’t get to choose your country of refuge
And Rwanda’s very nice this time of year we hear
So Secretary Patel issued ministerial direction
To whistle up the dog a fascist bone
Of immigration by racial selection
A one-way ticket or a middle-class home
More folk will die of Covid in 2022
Than seek asylum in this green and pleasant land
Swiftly and humanely removed is the clue
To the Easter politics of the damned
Canterbury’s putting up resistance
But Johnson and Patel just say screw ya
We’re loving our neighbours but only at a distance
And Mogg tweeted Alleluia
Safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
Spaffer’s on walkabout in Ukraine
He really has a talent
For reputation management
A cock-up covering caper once again
But if he has a second
He should take a trip to Yemen
And watch British bombs being dropped by British planes
Or if he’s of a mind
Walkabout in Palestine
And contemplate their sovereign state claim
‘Cause if he’s safer in a war zone
Than strolling round his own home
There’s lots of war for him to try and game
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
Like the one on a plane
And the one on a train
Like getting caught short in the woods in the rain.
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
So politically correct
What did you expect
One or more types from which to select?
There’s a gender-neutral toilet in our house
How outré
To piss that way
What would the second world war generation say?
Who didn’t have a gender-neutral toilet in their house
Not because of pride
Or of bigotry implied
But because their gender-neutral toilet was outside
When is it over?
It’s over today
What on earth do you mean, said he
She said, it’s not gone away
But it’s over today
Because tests are no longer free
As a fool once said
In the time that he led
If you don’t look, then you won’t see
So, it’s over today
Without going away
Because tests are no longer free
Gangster government for gangster bosses
Cutting their losses
With jobs and rights
Gangster government for gangster firms
Ripping up terms
To DP’s delight
Gangster governments for gangster companies
P&O Ferries
It ain’t alright
Gangster government’s crocodile tears
As it appears
They knew that night
Gangster government’s Brittania Unchained
Holds workers in disdain
That’s the Tory right
Gangster government for gangster oligarchs
Swimming with the sharks
Forgetting that they bite
Gangster government for gangster lobbies
Ignoring the bodies
With indifferent spite
His Royal Highness
Dressed to oppress
In his brightest whitest colonial best
Atop a Land Rover owned by Queen Bess
Says I feel sorrow about the slaves
I feel so sorry you feel that way
Britannia rules the waves
He owns The Grapes, The Evening Standard, a collection of modern art
He owns the i and The Independent, although the Saudis now own part
He had a pet wolf called Boris, named after Yeltsin, they say
He owns a house in the grounds of Hampton Court Palace, and is a Baron of down that way
Yes, he’s the Baron of Hampton, in Richmond-upon-Thames
Because he counts Boris Johnson amongst his friends
(Who overruled concerns about security)
And his dad used to be in the KGB
Derek’s boycotting the meerkats
He’s stopped drinking Smirnoff and Coke
He’d never been one for the ballet anyway
He’s never been quite that woke
He’s boycotting Baltika Lager too
Since they stopped selling it in the ‘Spoons
But watching Chelsea on Sky’s okay
Since they split with their Russian tycoons
His missus has got Chicken Kyiv for tea
And told him not to call it Kiev
She should stay out of Holland and Barrett too
At least that’s what the neighbours said
Apparently, their dish gets Russian telly
On the news they called it RT
Derek says it’s alright to just not watch it
If it came with the other channels free
He’s got a knock-off Ukraine football top
Off a bloke with a market stall
And a flag but he’s not sure he’ll fly it
It’s no cross of St. George, after all
He’s a fan of a plucky Ukrainian, mind
He likes it that they’ll stay and fight
Not like them channel dinghy Syrians
Flooding in day and night
It’s not like there’s room in this country
Some fruit picking, but that’s about it
Derek’s boycotting the meerkats
Derek’s doing his bit
Steve White & The Protest Family 