Tag: tories

This is the Real Life

This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
These are the cuts
This is the missed meal
This door is shut
This wound will not heal

This is the teacher
With nothing to say
This is the preacher
With no room to pray
This is the healer
Refusing to heal
This is the dealer
With souls to steal

This is the leader
With no will to lead
He’s pleased to meet her
In her hour of need
This is the Jesus
Asleep on the cross
This is God sees us
God don’t give a toss

This is the ceasefire
Where bullets still fly
This is the liar
On whom they rely
This is the snake oil
This is the monorail
This is the frog boil
This is the tall tale

This is the real life
This is the war
This is real spite
Despite the law
These are the orphans
These are the limbs
This is the organ
These are the hymns

This is the refugee
This is the other
This is her rescue me
This is her colour
This is the problem
This is the scapegoat
This is one of them
This is a small boat

These are the wages
These are the prices
These are the places
This is the crisis
This is the circus
These are the clowns
We give them purpose
We give them crowns

This is the real life
Here is your bill
Here come the far-right
Here is the red pill
This is the phone-in
This is the show
No serotonin
Nowhere to go

This is the real life
This is the butcher
This the austere knife
The hand that pushed her
This is the real life
This is the last chance
This is the real life
This is the last dance

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Perfectly Decent

As crass as Johnson’s letterbox
As nasty as GB News
As hateful as Douglas Murray
As ugly as Suella’s views

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

Like a speech from the Right Honourable Member
For Northeast Somerset
From Bournemouth to Blackpool Council
They’re as bad as you will get

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

From Enoch Powell’s rivers of blood
To Thatcher’s apartheid friend
From swarm and invasion to describe immigration
To the hostile environment

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

So who needs Tommy Robinson
Who needs the Britain First crowd
Who needs Reform, who needs Reclaim
When the Tories are saying it loud

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
But they’re just racist

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Vote Tomatoes, Get Turnips

There’s too much choice these days, says Thérèse
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

We’re not to blame for the rain in Spain
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

Cherish specialism, not pessimism
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

The bill’s too high for your local supply
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

Fruit and veg ration is the latest fashion
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

And it’s nothing to do with leaving the EU
Vote tomatoes, get turnips

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Collective Nouns

A murder of crows
A compendium of stories
A parliament of owls
An incompetence of Tories

A reverence of vicars
A selection of alternatives
A righteousness of clergymen
A corruption of Conservatives

An ambush of tigers
An embarrassment of superlatives
A pride of lions
A disgrace of Conservatives

A cartload of chimpanzees
A happiness of glories
A band of gorillas
A circus of Tories

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Rivers Of Shit

It’s 2021, and we’re still paying the price
As once again enforcement just becomes advice
We’re used to Tories doing things that really ain’t that nice
But this one, I must admit, came as a surprise

‘Cos they’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
George Eustice reckons it’s okay, environmentally
So, if you’re heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

Raw sewage at the seaside isn’t very nice
So, there’s a handy sign up to give you this advice
You should keep your mouth and nose closed and best shut your eyes too
‘Cos your Tory MP voted for you to bathe in poo

They’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
They’re shitting on the likes of you and the likes of me
So, if your heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

In the absence of all reason they put it to the vote
To throw shit into the rivers to float amongst the boats
Two hundred and fifty Tories put their hands up for the right
To fill your local waterway up with shite

They’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
They’re shitting on the likes of you and the likes of me
So, if your heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

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The Tory Party Donor Money-Go-Round

A company called Efficio won an NHS contract
Worth six billion pounds, they say,
While the fella that owns the company that owns them
Bunged seven hundred grand the Tory Party’s way.
A nice little payday for Mr Kolade.

While Scott Fletcher, care of Lowry Trading
Donated a quarter of a million quid, no less.
His reward, about which we are complaining:
IT cloud contracts for the NHS.

Watch the Tory Party donor money-go-round.

There’s Meller Designs supplying PPE,
Although their normal range is home and beauty
Of millions: A hundred and sixty-three, procedure free,
Courtesy of the DHSC.
And in return for government contract offers,
Mr Meller’s donations to Tory Party coffers.

Three hundred and fifty million to Medacs Healthcare.
You’ll find a familiar Tory Party figure there.
Its Michael Ashcroft, former Conservative peer
Who’s donated over six million pounds in his career.

Watch the Tory Party donor money-go-round.

Globus (Shetland) Limited
Got ninety-three million for FFP3’s
“Should we double our donation to the Tory Party?”
Well, we reckon that the answer was “Yes, please”.
No surprise that Agustsson, king of PPE
Eats with the Leader’s Group society.

And computers for kids doing lockdown learning,
Do you reckon there’s a tory donor in there earning?
Correct! You were safe to assume
That Computacenter founder Philip Hulme
Supported Nick Herbert, Conservative MP
From 2009 to 2019
While wife Janet donated a hundred grand too
To the campaign to keep the country voting blue.

Watch the Tory Party donor money-go-round

Because when you say “Pandemic”, they say “Profit”
“Pandemic”
“Profit”
“Pandemic”
“Profit”
Who’s gonna make the Tory Party stop it?

Source

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The Children of the First XV

A teenage state school rugby player
Could marvel at the examples
Among the fee-paying opposition
Bigger and better in every position
And every respect
From wrist to thigh and arm to head
Glossier, brighter, whiter
Quite obviously better bred
Better fed, on better bread

These giants who roamed the land
From families who owned the land
(And freely used the word ‘alas’
When deigning to see their lads
At half term)
Were clearly of a better stock
From full back to loosehead prop and back
Chock full of born-to-lead-ness
That our team somehow lacked

As we left the playing fields of England behind
To turn our noses to the daily grind
They rose to take their rightful place
In the grand offices of state
To bray, debate, deliberate
And make the regulations and the laws
That daily will affect us all

Marcus plays a very different game
Co-opted early to the Order of the British Empire
An uncomfortable title
But recognition all the same
He seeks to shame
Those with the power to make a change
In this time of national crisis
To extend a free school meal a day
Into the Christmas holiday
Though tempered is the hope that he’ll succeed
For the children of the first fifteen
It’s a meal they’ll never need

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When Tories Clap

We’re going to clap you all the way to deportation
We’re going to clap you all the way to your NHS surcharge
We’re going to clap our stance of tough on immigration
‘Cos Priti and the Tories are in charge

We’re going to clap you all the way to the care home
We’re going to clap ourselves for our protective ring
We’re going to clap your opportunity to die alone
‘Cos Matt Hancock didn’t do a thing

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
Never forget

We’re going to clap you all the way to deportation
We’re going to clap the NHS that you helped to build
We’re going to clap our stance of tough on immigration
‘Cos Priti still reckons you’re unskilled

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
Never forget

We’re going to clap you all the way to privatisation
We’re going to clap our plans to test, track and trace
We’re going to clap our clever contract allocation
To Matt and Dominic’s bestest mates

This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
This is what happens when Tories clap
(Remember nurses pay?)
Never forget

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Tories Get Tests

Tories get tests
While the rest of us guess

The science suggests
That’s it’s for the best
The more that you test

And so, we protest
Our distress
And express
That NHS workers
Should all get the test

I must confess
It leaves me quite vexed
That Tories get tests
While the rest of us guess

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Cull the Herd

We’ve decided not to cull the herd, he said
We’ve decided not to cull the herd
When we led without alacrity
Folk acted unilaterally
So, we’ve decided not to cull the herd

We’ve decided not to shut the pubs, he said
We’ve decided not to shut the pubs
We’ve offered some advice
That they might not find very nice
But we’ve decided not to shut the pubs

We’ve decided not to shut the clubs, he said
We’ve decided not to shut the clubs
We’ll tell you not to go
But for them there’s no compo
‘Cos we’ve decided not to shut the clubs

We’ve decided not to stop the trains, he said
We’ve decided not to stop the trains
We said avoid the rush
And your fellow traveller’s brush
But we’ve decided not to stop the trains

We’ve decided to close the schools, he said
We’ve decided to close the schools
Well, for half the kids he smirked
Whose mums haven’t got to work
We’ve half decided to close the schools

We’ve decided not to cull the herd, he said
We’ve decided not to cull the herd
When we looked at the quotas
They were mainly Tory voters
So, we’ve decided not to cull the herd

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