Kicked in the head by airport cops
While Dujardin flogs her horse
For sections of the listenership
The horse was worse of course
Now she’s not going to the Olympics
But the child rapist is
What jobs should rapists be allowed
Is Thursday’s phone-in quiz
On Leading Britain’s Conversation
The hang and flog ‘em crowd
Who never stop to ask
Why Tommy Robinson’s allowed
Which leaves it up to us
To never let the haters win
Leading Britain’s Racists
Back to the fuckin’ bin
Tapping their fascist toes
To Louise Distras, I suppose
A far cry from The Factory Floor
And The Hand You Hold
I suspect this ain’t the album
That many folk were sold
Don’t give up hope
Beryl would remind us
It remains a slippery slope
Tag: LBC
The Unbelievable Susan Hall
They picked my pocket, Susan cried
Unfortunately, Susan lied
(Abetted in her little trick
By LBC and her chum, Nick)
She left her Oyster on the train
And now she’s got it back again
Her cash also came to no harm
But still she’s blaming Sadiq Khan
Bibby Stockholm
Refugees on barges
Jeering little Farages
When Britannia ruled the waves
James Bibby was transporting slaves
Meanwhile humanitarians
Are Nick Ferrari’s enemy
Refugees on prison ships
Suella’s bag of cruel tricks
Singing Rule Britannia
Let’s make you all unhappier
Somewhere there’s a statue
That needs chucking in the sea
Put Up Shut Up Britain Part Two
I’ve got my radio on, tuned to LBC
And every other jock’s tryin’ to tell me
That culturally, the Muslim man
Is pre-disposed to a grooming gang
A grooming gang, not a paedophile ring
‘Cause a paedophile ring is a white man thing
It’s a racist phone-in, non-stop
And the worst of it is, it’s coming from the top
It’s coming from the top and here’s the thing
The people at the top have got brown skin
It’s a desperate scramble for votes, last ditch
And people get hurt when you talk like this
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Our coach can’t get into Europe
The school trip kiddies cry
‘Cause every passport needs a stamp
Did you stop to wonder why?
Is it two sides of the same coin, you ask
Well, it’s definitely two cheeks of the same arse
Do you need another clue?
We hate folk who ain’t from round here
And the ones from round here too
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
It’s limited and specific
Like the KLF didn’t say
All bound for Brexit Benefit Land
Get out the fuckin’ way
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Where the rules get ripped up and re-written
For the fool who messed up worst and last
In the interests of the ruling class
And we’re throwing a party we can’t afford
For the bloke on the business end of the sword
While the supplicant kneeling is now at the helm
Of the opposition, a knight of the realm
We’ve got Charlie in charge, Charlie on the throne
Where’s our revolucion?
Charlie in France, well maybe not
What chance have we fuckin’ got?
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Ferrari Racist Radio
Let’s face this
Ferrari’s racist
Reductio-ing ad absurdum
To define himself a black man
Micro-aggressively denying
Micro-aggression is a thing
And people who look just like him
Get to hear as much he’d argue
You, you’re not from round here are you
National broadcast bigotry
Delivered daily on LBC
Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022
Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying
The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate
For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame
Barbara’s on the Radio
Barbara says it’s none of Nick’s business
Barbara says it’s her personal choice
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara says both sides need a voice
Barbara’s annoyed that Santa got the vaccine
Barbara’s mad at Tesco’s Christmas ad
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that we’ve all been had
Barbara doesn’t wear a seatbelt
Barbara doesn’t always turn the lights on
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that the science is wrong
Barbara’s careful what she puts in her body
Barbara’s ringing up to have a go
Barbara’s a bacon-eating anti-vaxxer
And Barbara’s ringing up the radio
You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise
You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace
You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise
If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.
Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.
Maybe someone should tell the chickens.
Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters
He’s dog-whistling up the news
The favourite sport of the populist columnist
From The Currant Bun to The News of the Screws
The chance to scapegoat’s rarely missed
So, ring the show, grass up your neighbours
Hold fast the fruits of your own labours
Pull up the ladder, lock up your daughters
Here come Ferrari’s Furlough Fraudsters
“Leading” Britain’s Conversation
Nigel Farage said just now on LBC
He’d send his kids to school, happily.
But it’s an easy boast to make
When one of them is 28,
One’s 20 and one’s 31.
What’s the betting that the other one
Is not affected by this rule
Because she attends a private school?
Steve White & The Protest Family 