Tag: LBC

The Rich Bloke Said Something Racist

The tax dodger said something racist
Straight on the LBC playlist
The numbers are wrong, but it doesn’t matter
The conversation’s when, not if

The conversation’s details
Picking over entrails
Fetching nails, this mood entails
Sacrifice, not very nice

The cost of living versus cost of life
The cost-of-living vs cost of strife
The cost of living carries a knife
They’re losing it

The poor people phone in
Moanin’, groanin’
Lacking serotonin
The rich man threw ‘em a bone in

The damage is done
The money’s having fun
We’re fighting each other
They look after number one

The tax dodger said something racist
The rich man threw them a bone in
The tax dodger said something racist
Normal on the news and on the phone in

The rich bloke said something racist
Racism is back in style
Racism is back in fashion
It has been for a while
The rich bloke said something racist
The money’s having fun
While we fight each other
They look after number one

The tax dodger said something racist
The homeless guy gets abuse
I’ve got a job, what’s your excuse
Why did your mother even reproduce

You don’t produce, you’re no use
How far can his soul reduce
Their ire profuse, they introduce
An imaginary veteran into the equation

More deserving, served his nation
Worthy of praise, adoration
Give the homeless vet a standing ovation
But this deserves examination

Because they ain’t helping him either
The what about – it’s a deceiver
It’s dog eat dog, let’s face it
The tax dodger said something racist

The rich bloke said something racist
Racism is back in style
Racism is back in fashion
It has been for a while
The rich bloke said something racist
The money’s having fun
While we fight each other
They look after number one

Pay attention to what he says next
Says he didn’t mean to cause offence
Not sorry for what he said
He’s sorry that it got in your head

He’s sorry that you might fight it
He’s sorry you might not watch Man United
He’s sorry he misunderstood football
Where an injury to one is an injury to all

But the damage is done
We’re fighting each other
They look after number one
His words are a starting gun
Someone’s countdown has begun

The rich bloke said something racist
Racism is back in style
Racism is back in fashion
It has been for a while
The rich bloke said something racist
The money’s having fun
While we fight each other
They look after number one

by Categories: Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Waiting For All The Facts

Nick says it’s audacious
We think it’s outrageous
Kier says nothing to do with us
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick thinks he’s a giant
We think he’s a tyrant
Kier’s remaining silent
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick thinks that it’s great
We’re both scared and irate
Kier says just wait
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick says it’s a flex
And it’s Colombia next
Kier says it’s complex
He’s waiting for all the facts

Nick says nothing ‘bout oil
That makes our blood boil
The question would make Sir Kier recoil
He’s waiting for all the facts

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Untitled (26 July 2024)

Kicked in the head by airport cops
While Dujardin flogs her horse
For sections of the listenership
The horse was worse of course
Now she’s not going to the Olympics
But the child rapist is
What jobs should rapists be allowed
Is Thursday’s phone-in quiz
On Leading Britain’s Conversation
The hang and flog ‘em crowd
Who never stop to ask
Why Tommy Robinson’s allowed
Which leaves it up to us
To never let the haters win
Leading Britain’s Racists
Back to the fuckin’ bin
Tapping their fascist toes
To Louise Distras, I suppose
A far cry from The Factory Floor
And The Hand You Hold
I suspect this ain’t the album
That many folk were sold
Don’t give up hope
Beryl would remind us
It remains a slippery slope

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

The Unbelievable Susan Hall

They picked my pocket, Susan cried
Unfortunately, Susan lied
(Abetted in her little trick
By LBC and her chum, Nick)

She left her Oyster on the train
And now she’s got it back again
Her cash also came to no harm
But still she’s blaming Sadiq Khan

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Bibby Stockholm

Refugees on barges
Jeering little Farages
When Britannia ruled the waves
James Bibby was transporting slaves
Meanwhile humanitarians
Are Nick Ferrari’s enemy

Refugees on prison ships
Suella’s bag of cruel tricks
Singing Rule Britannia
Let’s make you all unhappier
Somewhere there’s a statue
That needs chucking in the sea

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Put Up Shut Up Britain Part Two

I’ve got my radio on, tuned to LBC
And every other jock’s tryin’ to tell me
That culturally, the Muslim man
Is pre-disposed to a grooming gang
A grooming gang, not a paedophile ring
‘Cause a paedophile ring is a white man thing
It’s a racist phone-in, non-stop
And the worst of it is, it’s coming from the top
It’s coming from the top and here’s the thing
The people at the top have got brown skin
It’s a desperate scramble for votes, last ditch

And people get hurt when you talk like this

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

Our coach can’t get into Europe
The school trip kiddies cry
‘Cause every passport needs a stamp
Did you stop to wonder why?
Is it two sides of the same coin, you ask
Well, it’s definitely two cheeks of the same arse
Do you need another clue?

We hate folk who ain’t from round here
And the ones from round here too

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

It’s limited and specific
Like the KLF didn’t say
All bound for Brexit Benefit Land
Get out the fuckin’ way
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Where the rules get ripped up and re-written
For the fool who messed up worst and last
In the interests of the ruling class
And we’re throwing a party we can’t afford
For the bloke on the business end of the sword
While the supplicant kneeling is now at the helm
Of the opposition, a knight of the realm
We’ve got Charlie in charge, Charlie on the throne
Where’s our revolucion?
Charlie in France, well maybe not
What chance have we fuckin’ got?

Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain
Welcome to Put Up Shut Up Britain

by Categories: Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Ferrari Racist Radio

Let’s face this
Ferrari’s racist
Reductio-ing ad absurdum
To define himself a black man
Micro-aggressively denying
Micro-aggression is a thing
And people who look just like him
Get to hear as much he’d argue
You, you’re not from round here are you
National broadcast bigotry
Delivered daily on LBC

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Mogg vs. Marr, LBC 19 April 2022

Condescending Mogg at his condescending best
Says leg before wicket is the best test
Of whether Spaffer’s lying
He’s on the offensive no forward defensive stroke this
He’s taking the piss
And not even trying

The Minister for Lack of Opportunity for Our Community
Is here to spar with Marr
It’s infuriating so far
His relying on denying
Crying speculation
And irrespective of the effect of his words
Encourages perspective
About Marr’s father dying
And Partygate

For Mogg it’s just a game
These people have no shame

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Barbara’s on the Radio

Barbara says it’s none of Nick’s business
Barbara says it’s her personal choice
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara says both sides need a voice

Barbara’s annoyed that Santa got the vaccine
Barbara’s mad at Tesco’s Christmas ad
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that we’ve all been had

Barbara doesn’t wear a seatbelt
Barbara doesn’t always turn the lights on
Barbara’s ringing up the radio
Barbara thinks that the science is wrong

Barbara’s careful what she puts in her body
Barbara’s ringing up to have a go
Barbara’s a bacon-eating anti-vaxxer
And Barbara’s ringing up the radio

by Categories: COVID-19, poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise

You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace

You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets

You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise

If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.

Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.

Maybe someone should tell the chickens.

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment