Tag: boris johnson

Boris Johnson’s First Day of Evidence to the Covid-19 Inquiry

The dead can’t hear your apologies
The dead can’t see your sly smile
The dead can’t hear you blaming them
Like some oversized child on trail
The dead can’t see the messages
You accidentally lost
The dead can’t ask you questions
But the dead know just the cost
Of your lackadaisical attitude
Your laissez-faire approach
The meetings you weren’t bothered by
The rules with which you did not comply
The business-as-usual you deny
The herd immunity you tried to apply…

The dead can’t hear your apologies
But the survivor understands
There’s blood on your hands

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PM meeting – begins to argue for letting it rip. Saying yes there will be more casualties but so be it – “they have had a good innings” – Patrick Vallance’s diary 25 October 2020

The umpire ruffles his hair, raises a finger
The elderly batsman shuffles off
Supressing a cough

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Perfectly Decent

As crass as Johnson’s letterbox
As nasty as GB News
As hateful as Douglas Murray
As ugly as Suella’s views

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

Like a speech from the Right Honourable Member
For Northeast Somerset
From Bournemouth to Blackpool Council
They’re as bad as you will get

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

From Enoch Powell’s rivers of blood
To Thatcher’s apartheid friend
From swarm and invasion to describe immigration
To the hostile environment

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

So who needs Tommy Robinson
Who needs the Britain First crowd
Who needs Reform, who needs Reclaim
When the Tories are saying it loud

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
Perfectly decent

She says they’re mainstream
She says they’re insightful
But they’re just racist

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Resignation Honours

What the fuck are resignation honours
Can they be bought with foreign dollars
Or are they just for a certain type of cad
Like the ex-PM’s wife-beating dad
With form for familial awards
Having put his brother in the House of Lords

If we’re to let him have his way
Then their post-nominals all should say
KBTW, BJ
Displayed proudly by their name

Arise, Sir Stanley, Lord of Wrong ‘Un
Knighted by that wanker, Boris Johnson

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102 Supporters (Yeah, Right)

Like Brent turning up at the office
With a guitar they don’t want to hear
All together now, let’s restart the disco
Has fallen on deaf Tory ears
He came back from holiday to die for their sins
But the MP’s would rather he stayed in the bin
Let’s restart the disco, all together now
Cincinnatus, best you fuck off back to your plough

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Untitled (20 October 2022)

If you think Theresa was the sensible one
Just remember the hostile environment, son
And if you think Boris ain’t as bad as this
Then you’ve forgotten the bottomless
Pit of his corruption
The meetings with spies and the lies upon lies
And the party, what party, oh that party, somebody should’ve said it was a party
To be sure, he broke the law
Meanwhile Liz turned up
Fucked up, fucked off
An impressive comic economic Molotov


Now the field’s wide open for more of the same
Hunt rhymes too easily
Shapps ain’t a hundred percent sure of his name
And when Penny was at fire
She’s on record as a liar
So, there’s nothing to recommend here
Except Project Have No Fear
It’s time to smash it up and start again

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Spaffer Bids Farewell to Downing Street

He’s thanking the dog and the cat
It’s leaving speech part two or three
The cat ain’t even his
The cat’s still got a key

He’s thanking the dog and the cat
Like the cat could give a fuck
He’s making a list of achievements
He’s making most of it up

He’s thanking the dog and the cat
The cat’s just shrugged it off
It’s his last day in Downing Street
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off

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Bye, Bye, Farewell, Fuck Off

Nurses using foodbanks
Security tags on Lurpacks
His legacy ain’t witty repartee
That fella off the TV
Blow me ain’t he funny
It’s poverty
And lies
And blind eyes
And meetings with spies
The drive to privatise
The drive to Barnard Castle too
The first clue
To another rule for you
And racist too
Deportations to Rwanda
Priti Patel and her
Dog whistle, but the agenda’s his
The question master for a boozy lockdown quiz
The lies are his
The sex pests his
The rule makers breaking rules are his
Corrupt is what it is
Government on behalf of bosses, bankers and billionaires
The people about whom he cares
So wish him bye, bye and farewell
And he can fuck off from there as well
And when he walks, let him keep walking
Don’t ever tune in when he’s talking
Don’t read his books or his columns
Because you were never his problem
He’d let you starve for political gain
And we don’t want to see him round here again

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Larry Gets the Big Calls Right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Sajid’s taking a walk
Over Peston’s shoulder, Rishi’s stopped talking the talk
Over Peston’s shoulder, Jonathan Gullis is finally gonna do one
Over Peston’s shoulder, it’s all starting to come undone

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Parish is watching porn
Over Peston’s shoulder, Paterson’s treating the rules with scorn
Over Peston’s shoulder, there’s another sexual assault
While Spaffer’s still pretending that nothing’s his fault

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

Over Peston’s shoulder, Bim has had enough
Over Peston’s shoulder, Chalk is cutting up rough
Over Peston’s shoulder, Virginia Crosbie, Nichola Richards and Saqib Bhatti MP
Said it’s not for me

Over Peston’s shoulder, Larry’s licking his balls
And that’s what we call getting the big calls right
The big calls right

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Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done

Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done
Steve Bray’s amplifier nicked on Day One

Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done
Danny Kruger, Prue Leith’s misogynist son
Signposts women’s rights nil, Supreme Court one

Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done
1937 moment reaching for a gun
Uniform lapel pins for everyone
In the Daily Mail, Telegraph, Express and The Sun

Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done
Migrants not refugees is how it’s spun
The Court of Human Rights being prepped to be shunned
As if God was yet another son of Eton
The meek shall inherit their own situation

Mare Nostrum, Lebensraum, Got Brexit Done
Organised labour is enemy number one

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