There’s politics for people who do politics
And politics for people who don’t do politics,
And the politics for people who don’t do politics
Hides behind the politics for people who do politics
Who say “You all need to understand the politics”
To people who say “It’s all the same, the politics”
While the politics is laughing in their face,
And ripping off their money to give it to their mates
Who are having a great time riding rockets into space.
Meanwhile, the politics for people who do politics
Gets all excited by the kerfuffle
Of a cabinet reshuffle,
While the people who don’t do politics exclaim
“It doesn’t matter they’re all the same.”
And they might just have a point.
Because while the people who do politics scream
“Oh no, Nadine”, or even Nadhim,
The politics for people who don’t do politics
Has them on their knees,
Fails to manage the disease,
Increases taxes by degrees,
Is killing off the bees,
Says daft things about cheese,
And wants to go to war with the Chinese.
So, the people who do politics
Should understand the politics for people who do politics
Puts off the people who don’t do politics
From the politics for people that don’t do politics
That’s doing them.
Category: Steve
Nikki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’s Testicles
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
Swole up from the vaccine she claims
And his bride-to-be glum
With the size of his plums
Shot down their wedding in flames
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
Shining stars of her anti-vax Tweets
As they increased in size
Oversaw the demise
Of his prowess between the sheets
Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles
His poor swollen Castor and Pollux
But Professor Chris
When asked about this
Said it’s all undoubtedly bollocks
You Can’t Take a Chicken By Surprise
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
Nick don’t care how it dies
Nick just likes chicken pies
And you can’t take a chicken by surprise
You can’t eat your burger in peace, James
You can’t eat your burger in peace
Although Nick loves the grease
Of the recently deceased
You can’t eat your burger in peace
You can’t take your mother to the vets, Ed
You can’t take your mother to the vets
They might be great with pets
But the BMA regrets
That you can’t take your mother to the vets
You can’t take a chicken by surprise, James
You can’t take a chicken by surprise
You might deny their demise
As food supply compromise
But you can’t take a chicken by surprise
If you were listening to LBC today, you may have heard James O’Brien’s, admittedly unfinished, debate about the relative sentience of cows and chickens as justification for the various methods of their slaughter for food. Earlier, Nick Ferrari was comfortable not really caring how the chicken died so long as he could eat it.
Later on, the conversation in Eddie Mair’s show turned to assisted dying with a caller bemoaning that we treat terminally ill humans worse than we treat their pets.
Maybe someone should tell the chickens.
(There Ain’t No) Halfway There
If you halve child poverty, will they all be half as poor?
Or will half be as poor as all they were before?
What sort of compromise
With government lies
About austerity and poverty
And children going hungry
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
The judgement of Solomon is somehow lost on them
The biblical rule said going halves ain’t cool
What kind of compromise
With folk that you despise
Says, you know well maybe
If we can’t have all the baby
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
We went looking for the centre, but all we found was the system
There ain’t no halfway there
The judgement of Solomon is somehow lost on them
The biblical rule said going halves ain’t cool
What kind of compromise
With folk that you despise
Says, you know well maybe
If we can’t have all the baby
Says well, we’ll meet you halfway there
We went looking for the centre, but all we found was the system
There ain’t no halfway there
There ain’t no halfway
There ain’t no halfway there
Mr Toothpaste
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
When you change your clothes five times a day
You might need someone to put ‘em away
In royal circles that’s called a valet
And Prince Charles, he’s got four (if not more)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Breaking your arm is an inconvenience
Lady Luck don’t show royals any lenience
But Michael is a valet with such an allegiance
He’ll hold it while the Prince has a piss (so he don’t miss)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
The director of the royal cock holds a special place
And he’ll never face a discrimination case
Whatever happened anyway to the rape tapes
Some things we’ll never know (ain’t that so?)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Now Prince Charles’ influence could help a fellow out
But how to curry favour with a fellow of such clout?
Well extravagant gifts will help, no doubt
That Toothpaste will turn into cash (well that’s rash)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Now it turns out that what folk actually think is wrong
Is accepting wads of cash in exchange for a gong
Something I’m pretty sure they’ve done all along
So Toothpaste’s fallen on his sword (once more)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
And when Prince Charles needs to pee
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Full story here.
Father Michael
Father Michael only liked liturgical music
But he never shot a folk singer in the head
Even when atheist lyric and rhyme
Where enough to make a man of god see red.
Meanwhile north of Kabul,
The Taliban
Shot an Afghan man
For singing songs they consider haram.
Father Michael only liked liturgical music
And insisted it was on the curriculum
But at least he wanted girls as well as boys
To understand the music of Christendom.
Meanwhile in the USA,
The Texas pro-lifers, they say
Are hitting women’s rights harder than
That other mob in Afghanistan.
Father Michael only like liturgical music
But he thought shooting folk singers was a sin.
He never pronounced on the war on terror
I suspect it was never expected of him,
But on the issue of abortion
He’d have exercised some caution
And while decrying the Afghan Taliban coup
Would wonder when the Texans would start shooting folk singers too.
The War on Terror
The Colonel’s run out of chickens
And Ronald’s run out of shakes
Joe’s run away from the War On Terror
Without admitting anyone’s mistakes.
Now the media’s full of armchair experts
And actual experts like Professor Glees
(Although not an expert on the Middle East)
Talking like Forever War high priests.
Because the quickest way to transfer money
From public purse to shareholder value
Is to start a war in a foreign country
And tell ‘em you’re installing democracy too,
Then roll your eyes and blame ISIS
For the inevitable refugee crisis.
Don’t forget that Ben Wallace, MP
Was the overseas director of an arms company
And Blair’s advice never comes for free
With his current interests in the UAE.
From a botched Libyan intervention
To WMD’s we never mention
The war on a concept’s turned a pretty penny
For the few at the expense of the very many.
But now the Colonel’s run out of chickens
And Ronald’s run out of shakes
Joe’s run away from the War On Terror
And the mess an imperialist adventure makes.
Today, I’m Singing
Yesterday, I couldn’t touch things
Today, I can touch things
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
What about me?
I’m CEV
A year in isolation, cough free
Does anyone care about my captivity?
Yesterday I couldn’t go out
Today I can go out
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
Kids with vaccines
Wanna live their dreams
Sick of the disease
Time to do what they please
So, is it goodbye Jason and Joanna?
Yesterday, I couldn’t work things out
Today, I still can’t work things out
But yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
What about me?
I’m CEV
A year in isolation, cough free
Does anyone care about me?
Yesterday, I couldn’t touch things
Today, I can touch things
Yesterday, I couldn’t sing
Today, I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
I’m singing
Pricks in Space
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Jeff’s got a rocket
Looks like a cock
It’s a rich spaceman
Delivery system
If space is so much better
He should just go and live there
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Richard was skint
But now he’s got a mint
To spunk on a rocket
That looks like a cock
It’s a rich spaceman
Delivery system
Only a space mission
By the NASA definition
Cos there’s not enough to keep him here
He loves a party near the edge of atmosphere
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
Elon wants a rocket
That looks like a cock
It’s a burning ambition
To fly a space mission
So he’s looking for a lift with Dick
Cos he thinks that Jeff’s a prick
Pricks in space
Rich pricks in space
Rich pricks who think they’re philanthropists
In space
In space
In space
In space
Euro 2020
A beaming Kier Starmer is beamed into our homes
Wearing an England top stitched by children in export processing zones,
And who’s that posing by an England flag? Why it’s Owen Jones.
It’s amazing what winning and taking the knee can do,
Even Priti’s forgotten that she’d rather boo
And that seems to go for her boss too
With his England shirt worn over his clothes.
Keep the politicians out of football, but not the politics,
‘Cos it’s hard not to love a team that’s anti-racist
And not afraid to make the boo boys face it.
Who’ll speak truth to power and use their position
Like Marcus, leader of the opposition,
Got Spaffer to cough up on child nutrition.
If there’s a righteous pass then they’re gonna chase it.
So, Lee Anderson can go unpack a box
And take that wanker with him, Laurence Fox.
In fact, all the politician bandwagon jumpers
Who would never normally know their Arse from their Spurs
Or their O’s from their Bees
Can watch at home on TV
While our players take the knee,
Because just sticking to football ain’t the aim
And Black Lives Matter in the People’s Game.
Steve White & The Protest Family 