Nigel Farage said just now on LBC
He’d send his kids to school, happily.
But it’s an easy boast to make
When one of them is 28,
One’s 20 and one’s 31.
What’s the betting that the other one
Is not affected by this rule
Because she attends a private school?
The Daily Mail’s not very nice.
Their front page calls for sacrifice
As the author of this piece implies
That they require a teacher dies.
(Like Sarah Baxter in the Times
Whose journalistic crimes
Set her apart from other writers
When she accused the firefighters
At Grenfell of not acting bravely
But being obsessed with health and safety.
Her reasoning, as supplied
Was that not a single one had died).
As for the Mail’s call to glory,
Economics drives this story
And not the benefits to children
Or the risks to those who teach them,
Many of whom, despite all this,
Have been at work throughout the crisis
As there’s no ruling that forbids
The schooling of key workers’ kids.
The lesson is, as ever, clear:
Teachers, hold your union dear
And be around to tell the tale
Of how you beat the Daily Mail.
Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
A party in the park for the unbelievers
Some of whom will go home with fevers
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy
Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
They believe in freedom and sovereignty
They believe in a world that’s vaccine-free
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy
Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
Attempting poor far-right recruitment
Inventing the UK Freedom Movement
Roll up, roll, up, come and see
Their latest conspiracy
“End the lockdown” say the fash
Come to our Saturday picnic bash
Come and listen to racist speakers
But please try to stay apart two metres
Tin foil hat, plastic union jack
Britain First want their virus back
We turned on our morning radio show
To hear the traffic was running slow
We really didn’t want to go
On the day Johnson that cried “Heigh-Ho”
There’s a one-way system but the canteen’s shut
And social distancing on site’s full of “but”
Who’s ill here? We don’t want to know
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you
You should cover your face to get the bus
But it looks like that might be just us
The tube is elbow to elbow
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”
The Commons floor is covered in tape
They’re dialling in to their debates
That’s not an option for many though
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you
There’s problems at the Blackwall Tunnel
There’s problems on the A13
There’s problems at Canning Town station
We hear police are on the scene
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you
Life under the curve suggests
That we might not be halfway yet
The numbers are gonna continue grow
On the day that Johnson cried “Heigh-Ho”
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho the many for the few
Heigh-Ho for shareholder value
Heigh-Ho not them but me and you
She just wants to know if we’re over the worst
She doesn’t really know what it means to be alert
She doesn’t understand why business comes first
And when it comes to the government’s bluff
It’s either too little, or just not enough
He was reading a story about a company
Whose sole director is the Health Secretary
Whose sole responsibility is PPE
But when it comes to the government’s bluff
It’s either too little, or just not enough
She just wants to know if it’s safe to go to work
She doesn’t really know what it means to be alert
How can you tell if there’s a virus being dispersed?
When it comes to the government’s bluff
It’s either too little, or just not enough
He was reading a story about track and trace
About a phone app that folk were failing to embrace
That didn’t work on older phones in any case
And when it comes to the government’s bluff
It’s either too little, or just not enough
She just wants to know if it’s safe to go out
The media are calling her a lazy layabout
But Stay Alert just fills her full of doubt
‘Cos when it comes to the government’s bluff
It’s either too little, or just not enough
They sat up on Sunday to watch the TV
Looking for comfort from the man on the screen
But now they’re just more scared than they’ve ever been
‘Cos when it came to the government’s bluff
It was too little, and just not enough
She remembers her grandfather’s tales
Of wartime Walthamstow
The siren sound and the queue for the chip shop
That refused to go
A time of national pulling together
The rule-breakers airbrushed from history
And she wonders in 75 years’ time
If this is how they’ll tell her story
He’s got little truck with flags and bunting
Wants his workers’ holiday back
For him it’s just another too cynical
Tory government attack
A time of national coming together
Incompetent donkeys at the helm
And he wonders in 75 years’ time
What kind of stories are they going to tell?
She says can’t you just do it for the kids
A little party we’ll have a nice time
The Europe-wide defeat of fascism
Doesn’t that at least chime?
A time of national coming together
Suffer a little red, white and blue
And I wonder in 75 years’ time
If anyone will remember us too
OK, you’ve got a point I guess
We’ll party for the partisans and the rest
Just don’t expect me to acquiesce
To the Tories setting fireworks for the NHS
And I don’t expect there to be a finale
Of Vera Lynn singing The Internationale
A time of national coming together
I’ll suffer a little red, white and blue
And I wonder in 75 years’ times
If anyone will remember us two
Professor Lockdown loved Antonia Staats
Isolation could break their hearts
At home her husband might have had the virus
But she said neither Thames nor disease will divide us
It was wrong and they knew it
There’s no way to misconstrue it
They thought they could get through it
But the press knew too
They didn’t run the story
‘Til they needed a furore
To steal headline glory
From the numbers breaking through
Professor Lockdown loved Antonia Staats
On one day in April and one in March
Is his expert opinion that the strategy’s wrong?
We’ll never know now that his job in SAGE has gone
It was wrong and they knew it
There’s no way to misconstrue it
They thought they could get through it
But the press knew too
They didn’t run the story
‘Til they needed a furore
To steal headline glory
From the numbers breaking through
Professor Lockdown loved Antonia Staats
Doomed lover victims of the press dark arts
A million crimes that the expert might commit
But there’s no way we’ll ever forgive a hypocrite
It was wrong and they knew it
There’s no way to misconstrue it
They thought they could get through it
But the press knew too
They didn’t run the story
‘Til they needed a furore
To steal headline glory
From the numbers breaking through
Professor Lockdown loved Antonia Staats
Epidemiology meets Avaaz
Now no one’s gonna want to be in her shoes
And his expert counsel’s now yesterday’s news
The sickest man in Europe
Won two world wars and one world cup
The sickest man in Europe
Didn’t want to mess the economy up
The sickest man in Europe’s
Looking forward to VE day
The sickest man in Europe’s
Hearing how many died today
The sickest man in Europe
Is following the science
Thinks it’s untainted
By political bias
The sickest man in Europe
Is following the science
Loves respect
and minute’s silence
The sickest man in Europe’s
Hearing how many died today
The sickest man in Europe’s
Looking forward to VE day
You can talk about a target that turned into a boast
You can talk about a test kit that’s still in the post
You can talk about them not controlling the disease
You can talk about them not controlling the economy
You can talk about the hairdressers, talk about the shops
But has anybody thought about
Is anybody talking about
What’s going to happen when the clapping stops?
You can talk about flattening or fattening the curve
You can talk about typically medical reserve
You can talk about passing at least the first peak
You can talk about avoiding media critique
You can talk about the hairdressers, talk about the shops
But has anybody thought about
Is anybody talking about
What’s going to happen when the clapping stops?
You can talk about maybe easing the lockdown
You can talk about the circus that was missing its clown
You can talk about sending the kids back to school
You can talk about suspending the two-metre rule
You can talk about the hairdressers, talk about the shops
But has anybody thought about
Is anybody talking about
What’s going to happen when the clapping stops?
You can talk about your temperature getting on the tube
You can talk about your fellow passenger being true
You can talk about publishing an exit strategy
You can talk about doing it without a vaccine
You can talk about the hairdressers, talk about the shops
But has anybody thought about
Is anybody talking about
What’s going to happen when the clapping stops?
