Tag: songwriting

Sunshine and Disinfectant

He’s used to selling you steak
He’s used to selling you real estate
He’s trying to make America great
Land of the free

Dr Trump v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trump’s got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs

He’s used to selling the brand
There’s Trump labelled buildings throughout the land
He’s trying to make America grand
Land of the free

Dr Trump v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trump’s got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs

Inject yourself with disinfectant
Take a dose of hydroxychloroquine
Give yourself a blast of UV light
To be free

Dr Trump’s v. the invisible killer
Dr Trump’s gonna kill it quicker
Dr Trumps got all the medicine that you need
He’s got
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s selling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant (He’s telling you)
Sunshine and disinfectant
For all your COVID needs
For all your COVID needs

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The Bunnies, the Beagles and You

There’s a potential hero in this story
Goes by the name of ChAdOx1
They’re building it in an Oxford laboratory
But the work is not yet done
From Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
For the bunnies, the beagles and you

Fighting the fight against COVID-19
Looking for volunteers for this scheme
Despite what Nick Ferrari thinks
They’re not guinea pigs
But from Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
For the bunnies, the beagles and you

They’re setting aside market obligation
For a bit of international cooperation
Developing vaccine with alacrity
The seed stock’s heading out to Italy
From Saudi to the British Isles
They’re skipping straight to human trials
It sounds like a bit of good news
(Of which Carrie Symonds would approve)
For the bunnies, the beagles and you

ChAdOx1

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Should I Be Wearing a Mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t

Should I be wearing a mask?

Zorro, The Lone Ranger
The Phantom of the Opera, Darth Vader
Batman, but Batgirl’s is better
Wolverine, V for Vendetta
Optimus Prime and Leatherface
Stanley Ipkiss’ is pretty ace

Should I be wearing a mask?

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Raphael’s red, Donatello’s is purple
Leonardo, Michelangelo
The Green Hornet and Cato too
Mexican wrestlers, Wonder Woman
Spiderman could but Peter Parker couldn’t

Should I be wearing a mask?

Catwoman, Doctor Doom
Hannibal Lector, Ghostface too
Phillipe of Gascony, the Jigsaw Killer
But not Michael Jackson in Thriller
Captain America, The Flash
And highwaymen wore them for cash

Should I be wearing a mask?
Should I be wearing a mask?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Boris Bunks Off

Do you remember
When you were younger
Bunking off school
Thinking you were cool
When lessons never seemed much cop
When you could be browsing in the record shop

Do you remember
When you were younger
Wagging off school
Playing the fool
Thinking later this won’t be possible
Adults gotta be responsible

But if Boris Johnson can bunk off COBRA
Your schoolchild self was right after all

Do you remember
When you were younger
Nothing hurt
As much as hard work
But there was nothing like your summer holiday
It made the first day of term seem like such a long way away

But if Boris Johnson can bunk off COBRA
Why should I go to work today?

I heard Boris’ mate on the radio
Said he was a hard working so and so
Being a journalist, a mayor and an MP at the same time
A Tory Stakhanovite, with a ladder to climb

But if Boris Johnson can sack off COBRA
I’m taking some personal time

Yeah, if Boris Johnson can sack off COBRA
And people die
Then that’s a crime

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Quietly Terrified

Jason’s lucky, he’s been working from home
He can do a Teams meeting or talk on the phone
He’s available by email but never alone
With his wife and kids in the background
But there’s some work that he needs to see
Something that can’t be done remotely
He’s gonna ask them for another nominee
Because he’s quietly terrified

Joanna’s going supermarket shopping
She lost an online spot, but a least no one’s coughing
A good hour’s queue is still pretty shocking
But at least they’re two metres apart
She’s got gloves and a mask off the internet
So she don’t get infected by the people that she might’ve met
Her precautions are about as good as she can get
She’s quietly terrified

Jason and Joanna have key worker status
They’re part of the local government apparatus
But they’re unlikely to actually say to us
They’re working on the frontline
Jason and Joanna should try being a nurse
Or a doctor in the NHS or driving a hearse
Or driving a bus which is probably worse
They’re quietly terrified

Quietly terrified, the state of the nation
Doing their best in lonely isolation
Slowly losing their anticipation
That the government would know what to do
Quietly terrified, and losing their confidence
In the daily government press conference
No exit strategy that makes any kind of sense
They’re quietly terrified

 

NB Jason and Joanna are fictional characters. The government, on the other hand, are terrifyingly, incompetently, real.

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Matt Hancock’s Badge

Supply and demand like you were taught at school
Economically, that’s the golden rule
But demand a gown
And you’ll get put down
Demand a mask
It’s too big of an ask
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

Remember when they asked you to lend ‘em your vote
With a snappy spin doctored memorable quote
Demand a test
Queue up with the rest
A ventilator?
See you later
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge

Supply and demand, like you were taught at school
Is holding the government up to ridicule
Ventilators?
We built the wrong ones
Reagents?
Can’t use just anyone’s
But we’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

Listening to Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour 1?
The excuses are running out of staying power
Demand PPE
For excuse number three
Or parity
For the care industry
We’ll tell you what
Here’s a badge

What did you do in the lockdown, Matt?
Well, I gave ‘em a badge

 

  1. “Hancock’s Horrible Half Hour” courtesy of John Beaumont from Batsfeet

 

care

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Put Him on the Spot

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about Germany
New Zealand, South Korea or even the Chinese
Put him on the spot about the Swedes
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about Exercise Cygnus
Put him on the spot about the spread of the sickness
Put him on the spot about the ventilator business
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the Cheltenham Festival
Or the number of tests that’s instantly forgettable
Put him on the spot about building sites as well
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the London Underground
Put him on the spot about bus drivers gone down
He’ll tell he was following the science

Put him on the spot about the care home staff
Put him on the spot about the state of the graph
Put him on the spot about his boss having a laugh
He’ll tell you he was following the science

Don’t ask about the science, he won’t know what you mean
He was just told to say it by the PR team
If you ask about the science, you’ll be dismayed
He’s just trotting out what Cummings told him to say

Put him on the spot about the gloves and gowns
Put him on the spot about the start of the lockdown
Put him on the spot because his boss is a clown
He’ll tell you he was following the science

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What Did You Do in the Lockdown, Dad?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
Did your boss insist that you still came in?
Did they give you gloves and facemasks Dad?
Did they care you might catch COVID-19?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
How bad was it in the hospital?
How did you do it without PPE, Mum?
Do you think the government cared at all?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown Dad?
How scared were you when you got your score?
With your age and your conditions, Dad
Did you understand what they did that for?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you stay indoors? Did you stay on the sofa?
Is that when you got pregnant, Mum?
Is that why Dad calls me Corona?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
Did you sneak a few mates round for a barbeque?
Did you have a beer and a laugh then, Dad?
Is that why the government blamed you?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Mum?
Did you dust off your uniform and go back to service?
Did you have a row about staying at home?
Did the risks not make you nervous?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

What did you do in the lockdown, Dad?
With your investment portfolio?
Did your hedge fund do alright then Dad?
Did the crisis help your money to grow?
What did you do, what did you do?
What did you do, what did you do?

Matt Hancock, what did you do?
Dominic Raab, what did you do?
Priti Patel, what did you do?
Boris Johnson, what did you do?

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Priti Sorry

She’s sorry that you think that it’s a lot of people dying
She’s sorry that you think that the government aren’t trying
She’s sorry that you think that they’re not testing enough people
She’s sorry that you think that their response is pretty feeble

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that the government could do better
She’s sorry that you didn’t like Boris Johnson’s letter
She’s sorry that you think that nurses shouldn’t be wearing bin bags
She’s sorry that you didn’t like her stint between the flags

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

She’s sorry that you think they’re failing the frontline
She’s sorry that you think that they wasted too much time
She’s sorry that you don’t find her words conciliatory
She’s sorry that you don’t think she’s actually sorry

She’s sorry
Priti Sorry (Not sorry )

She’s sorry that you think that there’s too little PPE
She’s sorry that you think that it’s not much of an apology

She’s sorry, Priti Sorry (Not sorry)

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Jacob’s Making Money

While Boris is taking short walks around the ward
And the economy is frantically hurtling toward
A crisis likes of which we can ill afford
Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

While doctors and nurses are dying for their labour
No thought for their safety as they try to save their neighbour
A crisis from the likes of which we all need a saviour
Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

A hedge fund ain’t for the likes of you and me
A hedge fund to the key worker is still a mystery
A hedge fund makes a profit on other people’s misery
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

While bus drivers are dying taking key workers to work
And the death toll is rising every day just like clockwork
It’s a crisis from the likes of which no minister should shirk
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

A hedge fund ain’t for the likes of you and me
A hedge fund to the key worker is still a mystery
A hedge fund makes a profit on other people’s misery
And Jacobs making money with his hedge fund

If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
If you’re having a bad day
He’s having a good day
‘Cos Jacob’s making money with his hedge fund

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