Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t know
Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he didn’t go
Spaffer Bodycount with a bottle of Bordeaux
Spaffer Bodycount, at lying he’s a pro

Spaffer Bodycount lied, said he never went
Spaffer Bodycount lied about a work event
Spaffer Bodycount is definitely bent
Spaffer Bodycount will never repent

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

Spaffer Bodycount, he loves to partake
But now Spaffer Bodycount is looking for a break
Spaffer Bodycount can’t admit a mistake
Spaffer Bodycount got ambushed by cake

Sue will do anything for him
Cressida can’t ignore him
On a Friday he likes to let it all hang out
You know that Spaffer Bodycount

So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
So, who’s gonna hold him to account?
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount
That lying, cheating Spaffer Bodycount

Killing Birds (The Gamekeeper’s Song)

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer for real
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By those with flat cap and Barbour jacket zeal

Thinks the Prime Minister’s a clown
But an Oxford man in parliament
Keeps taxes down

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer for real
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By those with flat cap and
Barbour jacket zeal

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Establishment shill

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

Thinks the Prime Minister’s a comedy toff
But an Oxford man in parliament
Will keep the protestors off

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Establishment shill

Gary’s a gamekeeper by name
Game killer and proud
He keeps the prey alive
To get shot out of the sky
By the side by side
Tweed and plus fours crowd

He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He kills the birds that kill the birds he bred to kill
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
He’s a huntin’, shootin’
String ‘em up and flog ‘em
Gary just likes to kill

Operation Save Big Dog

Apologise by not saying sorry
Don’t let Sue get too a priori
Make a list of your next quarry
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Ferguson went when he was too carefree
Hancock survived over PPE
But then got caught on CCTV
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Send ‘em Brandon Lewis tell him what to say
Send ‘em Liz Truss, tell her the same
Send ‘em Damian Hinds (who’s he anyway?)
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Tell a big lie, what have you got to lose?
With a suitcase of booze and a crap excuse
Hoping a Chinese spy will make the news
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

Sacrifice a SpAd, that’s why you pay ‘em
They all know there comes a day when
A Barnard Castle eye test just won’t save ‘em
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
Not the whistleblowers, feed ’em to the dogs
Blow the whistle! The dog whistle
It’s Operation Save Big Dog

Save Big Dog, it ain’t even in Latin
Save Big Dog, the back bench are at him
Save Big Dog, maybe this time it’s happening
Operation Save Big Dog

(Lyrics by Steve and Mark Commoner)

Dear Mr. Johnson

Professor Chris in a darkened room
With his message of doom, his message of gloom
Says get your booster and get it soon
That’s his message to you

Professor Chris on podium two
Says don’t breathe on folks that you don’t have to
And try not to let them breathe on you
That’s his message to you

But now they’re looking at you like the monkeys in the zoo do
The naked ape that hasn’t got a clue
Throwing chimps’ tea parties and denying them too
Now it’s time for you

(So)
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, and then fuck off from there as well
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
(You insufferable toff)

The football fans know it, the darts fans know it
If there’s a party, you’re gonna throw it
If there’s bad seed, you’re gonna sow it
It’s time for you to go

(It’s)
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, and then fuck off from there as well
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
(You insufferable toff)

Bye bye, farewell, it’s time you blew
And take Jacob Rees-Mogg along with you
And Iain Duncan Smith and the ERG crew
In fact anyone identified as blue
It’s time for you

‘Cos they’re looking at you like the monkeys in the zoo do
The naked apes that haven’t got a clue
Throwing chimps tea parties and denying them too
Now it’s time for you

(It’s)
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
Bye bye, farewell, and then fuck off from there as well
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off
(You insufferable toff)
Bye bye, farewell, fuck off

The Day They Cancelled Christmas

Shaun Bailey threw a party on the day they cancelled Christmas
Bozo chaired a little quiz, Allegra had a little cry

Shaun Bailey threw a party on the day they cancelled Christmas
With a substantial buffet and glasses of wine

Shaun Bailey threw a party on the day they cancelled Christmas
Tory donors, Christmas jumpers, party hats if so inclined

Shaun Bailey threw a party on the day they cancelled Christmas
Snug up for the pictures, no need to comply

Cos the rules, don’t apply to them
You can do what you like behind the doors of number 10
No, the rules don’t apply to them
Whatever you do when it comes around, please don’t vote them in again

Dead Cats, Reverse Ferrets

He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one
Carrie’s got a baby and Wilfie’s only one
And all the press are saying is, “not another one”
He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one

Dead cats, reverse ferrets
Dead cats, reverse ferrets

He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one
Turns out there were loads while we weren’t allowed a one
And he’s running out of mates even at the Currant Bun
He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one

Dead cats, reverse ferrets
Dead cats, reverse ferrets

He said it didn’t happen
But it happened that it happened
And it happens that we happen
To know that it happened

He said it didn’t happen
But it happened that it happened
And it happens that we happen
To know that it happened

He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one
Carrie’s got a baby and Wilfie’s only one
And all the press are saying is, “not another one”
He’ll need an army of dead cats to get out of this one

Dead cats, reverse ferrets
Dead cats, reverse ferrets
Dead cats, reverse ferrets
Dead cats, reverse ferrets

Superheroes, Supervillains

Did you ever while away a childhood hour
Imagining your very own superpower?
But never able to scratch that itch
‘Cos superpower’s reserved for the super-rich

Batman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
But if the city upped the ante
And binned the vigilante
They could fund the GCPD
Properly
(Commissioner Gordon would be proud)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Ironman’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
‘Cos Stark Industries’
A monopoly
With sights on the whole defence
Industry
(He’s got a military industrial complex)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Andrew’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Livin’ off tax paid by you lot
Touches who he wants
With impunity
‘Cos his superpower’s unaccountability
(On account of his mum being Queen)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another
Our superpower’s sharing, our superpower’s caring
Our superpower’s looking out for one another

Jacob’s a toff, the stuff he’s got
Bet he don’t pay tax on half that lot
His hedge fund’s laughin’
While other folk are starvin’
His superpower’s alarming, while his wealth he’s guarding
(He just doesn’t see poor people)

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

Hand over the keys to the Batmobile
Built by our labour of hand and brain
And hand over the iron suit too
We don’t want to see your superhero arses round here again

Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system
Superheroes, supervillains, they’re just products of the system

COP26: What’s This?

COP26, what’s this?
COP26, what’s it gonna fix?
COP26, just more politics
And we’re running out of time.

This flooding is brought to you by Microsoft
This wildfire by Sainsbury’s and our friends at Sky
This drought by Unilever and some others we forgot
We’re saving the planet
One multinational at a time

Your speech is sponsored by “blah, blah, blah”
Your blind eye by corporate environmental crime
It’s greenwash, we know what you are
You’re not saving the planet
And were running out of time

You’ve got the tarmac, but we’ve got the glue
You’re stuck on the motorway, and we’re stuck on it too
You can stick your air source heat pump scheme,
‘Cos that just will not do
You’ve got the tarmac,
but we make the glue!

Rivers Of Shit

It’s 2021, and we’re still paying the price
As once again enforcement just becomes advice
We’re used to Tories doing things that really ain’t that nice
But this one, I must admit, came as a surprise

‘Cos they’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
George Eustice reckons it’s okay, environmentally
So, if you’re heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

Raw sewage at the seaside isn’t very nice
So, there’s a handy sign up to give you this advice
You should keep your mouth and nose closed and best shut your eyes too
‘Cos your Tory MP voted for you to bathe in poo

They’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
They’re shitting on the likes of you and the likes of me
So, if your heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

In the absence of all reason they put it to the vote
To throw shit into the rivers to float amongst the boats
Two hundred and fifty Tories put their hands up for the right
To fill your local waterway up with shite

They’re shitting in the rivers and they’re shitting in the sea
They’re shitting on the likes of you and the likes of me
So, if your heading for your local spot to take a pleasant dip
Remember, like the Tories it’s just full of shit

The River

She pulled him out of the river
Fed him, clothed him, found him a home

Cos pulling folk out the river
Is the only way she’s ever known

She pulls him out of the river
And tomorrow she’ll pull him out again
She pulls him out of the river
But she’ll never meet the bastards
That keep throwing him in

Keep throwing him in

She pulls them out of the river
Without ever asking from where they’ve come

Fishing souls out the river
And some days her day’s work is never done

She pulls him out of the river
And tomorrow she’ll pull him out again
She pulls him out of the river
But she’ll never meet the bastards
That keep throwing him in

Keep throwing him in


She’s fishing souls out the river
Seems that’s the way it’s always been

While the soulless bastards in government
Keep throwing them in

She pulls him out of the river
And tomorrow she’ll pull him out again
She pulls him out of the river
But she’ll never meet the bastards
That keep throwing him in

Keep throwing him in

She’s fishing souls out the river
Seems that’s the way it’s always been
While the soulless bastards in government
Keep throwing us in
Keep throwing us in
Keep throwing us in