A safe pair of hands for the money
A safe pair of hands for the debts
A safe pair of hands for capital
Says he’s safe too for the NHS
A safe place for former Tory MP’s
A safe place for a stab in the back
Not a safe place to support Palestine
Safe to say that you’ll just get the sack
A safe pair of hands for the money
The bankers have nothing to fear
Tell the rich that it’s safe to vote Labour
A safe pair of hands is Sir Kier
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
He’s a bastard in the morning
And he’s worse in the afternoons
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
Bob doesn’t want the children
To feel human too
They’re not wanted here
Move them on from here
Do not give them the impression
That they’re welcome here
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
He’s a bastard in the morning
And he’s worse in the afternoons
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
He’ll suffer no succour for the war-torn
And trauma-strewn
They’re not wanted here
Move them on from here
Do not give them the impression
That they’re welcome here
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
He’s a bastard in the morning
And he’s worse in the afternoons
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
Whistling the tunes of racists
And swivel-eyed loons
They’re not wanted here
Move them on from here
Do not give them the impression
That they’re welcome here
This is the hostile environment
This is exactly what they meant
Their message is very clear
Bob’s painting over the cartoons
Nigel ain’t politically exposed
Nigel’s cash is just a little indisposed
Nigel went and got his account closed
Cause Nigel’s running out of money
Nigel ain’t a victim of persecution
He’s just having issues with his contribution
Nigel’s pile’s suffering from diminution
Seems Nigel’s running out of money
Nigel ain’t a martyr he’s just a bit skint
If you wanna bank at Coutts you’d better have a mint
Nigel, it seems didn’t wanna take the hint
That Nigel’s running out of money
Now wait for Nigel to pull a Yaxley-Lennon
They’re picking on me, is what he’s gonna tell ‘em
So please send cash and excuse the indiscretion
Cause Nigel’s running out of money
Billionaires in space rockets
Billionaires in submarines
Billionaires gone missing
Send help by whatever means
Billionaires in space rockets
Billionaires in submarines
Meanwhile off the coast of Greece
Are eighty drowning refugees
But billionaires in space rockets
And billionaires in submarines
Throw the switch from “Don’t” to “Care”
On radios and TV screens
Donny got fired and Donny didn’t like it
Donny was so mad that he organised a riot
Donny stole secrets and kept them in the toilet
And Donny says he wants the job again
Donny got arrested and said he didn’t do it
Donny says politically they’re out to misconstrue it
Reading secrets in the khazi there’s no better place to do it
And Donny says he wants the job again
They all sent flowers
And all the flowers died
And I understood flowers
For the very first time
A gift of something dying
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes
They all sent roses
And all the roses died
Their petals dropping quietly
One at a time
We watched the petals falling
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes
They all sent lilies
And all the lilies died
But the scent of the lilies
Stayed around for a while
A gift of something dying
Leaving echoes this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes
They all sent flowers
And all the flowers died
Some faded far too quickly
Some others took their time
A gift of something dying
Gently saying this is normal
We’re all beautiful but fleeting
And this is how it goes
Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
A life without cheese, he said
Is very much mistaken
Yeah, but fowl
Yeah, but beast
I need to feast on the grease
Of the recently deceased
Yeah, but blood
Yeah, but bones
A meal ain’t for real
Without its grunts and its groans
Yeah, but murder
Yeah, but torture
Make it well done between the bun
Of your lunch order
Yeah, but sausages
Yeah, but bacon
The blind eye that’s in the pie
Of which you have partaken
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Says some are dog and some are cat
Some are ball and some are bat
Some are tit and some are tat
Some are standing, some are sat
Some are swallowed, some are spat
Some are gloss and some are matt
Some are splash and some are splat
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
JK Rowling’s sorting hat
Says you’re a boy and that is that
Some are X and some are Y
Some are wet and some are dry
Some are low and some are high
Some are sell and some are buy
Some are sea and some are sky
Some are girl and some are guy
Some you win and some you lose
And it’s the hat that gets to choose
Ten points to Gryffindor, hooray
You’re a boy, now go away
You’re a boy and that is that
Says JK Rowling’s sorting hat
They said when I was younger
Automation would be the thing
The robots would do the heavy lifting
While we could play and sing
But now I’m older and the world is greyer
I dunno who’s at the controls
‘Cause the robots are writing poetry
And I’m still digging holes
Bin Bags
A fruity ska-punk suggesting the bad old days of looney lefties with a touch of Uncle Bill. 4.2%
The River
Darker than the offering from The Tutu Brewery. This one is all about the Bass. 4.4%
Trickle Down Town
By Austerity’s New Clothes. Wicked gamey with underlying Cooper Clarke. 4.8%
When the Sun Goes Down
Country-flavoured, brewed with tears and despair. Best just have a half. 6.0%
Dead End Friends
Bittersweet. Heavily influenced by celebrity. 5.0%
The Gable
A diverse brew that some drinkers say reminds them of Slade, but that was several landlords ago. Best served in a plastic glass at half-time. 4.2%
Should I Be Wearing a Mask?
Light but assertive. Most drinkers miss the hint of iron. 3.6%
Air Miles Andy
Bitter, like the late Queen’s favourite paedophile. Drink it fast. 4.4%
Harry, Won’t You Fly With Me?
Romantically named but tastes of gold, guilt and greed. You won’t want another. 3.0%
Supersonic
Magpie-flavoured with hints of Silver Machine. Moderately heavy. 5.2%
Where Tina Goes
Fizzy pop with more than a hint of bite. 4.2%
Holding Your Breath
The sister brew to When the Sun Goes Down. Tastes like Covid medicine. 5.0%
Put Up Shut Up Britain
Tart, bold and intense, with no notes of tomato or cucumber whatsoever. 5.0%
You can pre-order Trickle Down Town here.
Steve White & The Protest Family 