Tag: writing

Lee’s House

Lee’s house ain’t as nice
As his house, ain’t as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets

And Lee’s clothes ain’t as nice
As his clothes, ‘cos Lee knows
All the things an asylum seeker gets

From
GB News, LBC
Folks with no time for refugees
On the basis that they’re rich racists
And that’s what they want Lee to see

Lee’s money ain’t as much
As their money, ain’t as much
As what an asylum seeker gets

And Lee’s phone ain’t as nice
As his phone, ‘cos he’s been shown
What an asylum seeker gets

By
GB News, Talk TV
Folks like Nick Ferrari
On the basis that they’re rich racists
And that’s what they want Lee to see

Shall we show him
Shall we show him
Shall we show him

That Lee’s house is twice as nice
As his house, twice as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets

And Lee’s clothes are twice as nice
As his clothes, twice as nice
As what an asylum seeker gets
(Nothing, they buy their own)

And Lee’s money is so much more
Than his money, so much more
Than what an asylum seeker gets
(Forty-nine pounds a week)

And Lee’s phone is so much better
Than his phone, so much better
Than what an asylum seeker gets

‘Cos they’re from charities so they can stay in touch
With the process, services and such
But that ain’t what they want Lee to see
They want him to blame the refugee

And Lee’s house ain’t as nice
As his house, ain’t as nice
As what Nigel Farage gets

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The New Austerity Inn: Rachel in Tears

Rachel’s in tears behind the bar of The New Austerity Inn. The boss at the brewery has refused to say if he’ll keep her on or not and the local paper’s got hold of the story.

Against all odds, the locals are rallying round. They might not have forgiven her for trying to chase the old folk out who’d just come in for a bit of warmth during the winter, but it’s their pub, nonetheless, and their loyalty means that the books are starting to look slightly better.

The beer is still awful, mind you.

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The Prostate Test

The robot can’t stick its finger up your arse
But it can interpret your test results
So long as there’s sufficient comparators
In the health databases it consults
(A subject we may return to later
Is why Big Tech is after your NHS data)
And if there’s plenty of others to compare
Then speed-wise it’s in a different class
It can say yes or no without a human there
And it doesn’t stick its finger up your arse

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My Girl

My girl’s got a spray can
She’s gonna paint it red
My girl hates genocide
It gets inside her head
My girl found a warplane
Which she painted red
My girl is not afraid
Of Suffragette Yvette

She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red

My girl’s got a spray can
She’s gonna paint it red
My girl hates complicity
With tens of thousands dead
My girl went to Elbit
Just to paint it red
My girl is not afraid
Of Suffragette Yvette

She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red
She’s gonna paint it red

My girl said how do you stand to one side
And casually watch a real-time genocide
When there’s people in this country that you know provide
Drones and weapons that they’ve barely denied
While the government’s worse than a simple blind eye
Saying oh how awful, doing nothing beside
While the weapons keep flowing until everyone is dead
So the least I can do is to paint it red

My girl’s got a spray can
She’s gonna paint it red
My girl sprays Free Palestine
Or Free Gaza instead
My girl went to Arconic
Just to paint it red
My girl is not afraid
Of Suffragette Yvette

She’s gonna paint it red

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An Englishman’s Car is His Castle

Ellie lost her flat in a Section 21
Her landlord said your time has come
I’ve been made an offer I can’t refuse
I’m selling up and booking cruise

Patrick lost his flat in a Section 21
His landlord said next month you’re done
Your rent no longer covers the mortgage
It ain’t my fault there’s a housing shortage

Now an Englishman’s car is his castle
An Englishman’s home is his Ford Capri
An Englishman’s car is his castle
‘Cause only the very rich can own property

Simon lost his flat in a no-fault eviction
To the tune of his landlord’s benediction
I’m sorry that’s just the way the markets are
On Monday, Simon’s moving into his car

Now an Englishman’s car is his castle
An Englishman’s home is his Ford Capri
An Englishman’s car is his castle
‘Cause only the very rich can own property

Gary said they’re coming for your mum’s house too
That’s what very rich people do
You rent your home, you rent your Sky
You even rent your music off of Spotify
Off of Spotify

Gary said they’re coming for your mum’s house too
That’s what very rich people do
The subscription model of society
Where everything is owned by the super-wealthy
The super-wealthy

Now an Englishman’s car is his castle
An Englishman’s home is his Ford Capri
An Englishman’s car is his castle
Cause only the very rich can own property
Now an Englishman’s car is his castle
An Englishman’s home is his Ford Capri
An Englishman’s car is his castle
An Englishman’s home is his Ford Capri
An Englishman’s home ain’t owned by you or me

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The American Dream

He wears his shoes way too big
And tells the most tremendous lies
He’s got magic healing ears
And two blind eyes for genocide

His allies are cosplay fascists
But the real deal is him
If you care to disagree
The boots come marching in

He’ll tell you that it’s beautiful
He’ll even tell you it’s a gift
All hail forty-seven
All hail President Grift

They spit, we hit
The words of President Unfit
He sent the army in to wash away their sins
And this is how it all begins

Trained by the sales team and TV
Rule by executive decree
The American dream, the American scream
Dissent suppressed live on your screen

He’ll tell you that it’s beautiful
He’ll even tell you it’s a gift
All hail forty-seven
All hail President Grift

The American dream is a crypto scheme
The American dream is a crypto scheme
A meme coin grifting new regime
The American Dream is a crypto scheme

The American dream is a crypto scheme
The American dream is a crypto scheme
While bombers fly in Middle Eastern skies
The American dream is a crypto scheme

He’ll tell you that it’s beautiful
He’ll even tell you it’s a gift
All hail forty-seven
All hail President Grift

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Sir Kier is Late For the War

Dear Donny, I’m so sorry I was late
I thought we had two weeks to get the message straight
You know that’s what the airbases are there for, mate
When Ronnie bombed the Libyans, we didn’t hesitate

I’ve got Lammy standing ready with a statement to make
He knows there’s a special relationship at stake
And if there’s war to be made, then war we shall make
I could do with some ban-the-burqa action to take

So, let me know Donny, if you’re gonna bomb some more
I wanna be like Margaret and Tony before
Not getting invited would leave me pretty sore
Dear Donny, I’m sorry I was late for the war

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Tacos

Old Man Trump, like a bad cartoon
Spittin’ in the situation Room
Said Hey Benny I have a plan
Let’s go ahead and bomb Iran

Let’s bomb Iran
Let’s bomb Iran

While Huckabee cheered and Huckabee cried
God, he said, is surely on your side
Like he told George, Invade Iraq
Old Man Trump, God’s got your back

God’s got his back
God’s got his back

Then Trump, he said, maybe I will
I do wish the Ayatollah ill
And I know my mouth just wrote a cheque
But I won’t decide ‘til the very last sec

The very last sec
The very last sec

And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three

He said he’d bring peace to Ukraine
But Old Man Trump chickened out again
Sayin’ Well it really ain’t so bad
And I don’t wanna upset Vlad

Don’t wanna upset Vlad
Don’t wanna upset Vlad

He was gonna wipe Afghan off the face
And fire Little Rocket Man into space
But fire and fury never occurred
Thank God for Donny’s no-good word

His no-good word
His no-good word

And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three
And the whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
The whole world prayed for tacos
On the eve of World War Three
The eve of World War Three
The eve of World War Three

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President Grift

He wears his shoes way too big
And tells the most outrageous lies
He’s got magic healing ears
And blind eyes turned to genocide

His mates are cosplay fascists
But the real deal is him
Dare to disagree
And he’ll send the army in
(While political opponents
Are messily done in)

He’ll tell you that it’s beautiful
While beauty gets short shrift
All hail forty-seven
All hail President Grift

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Trump’s Trooping of the Colour

They’re rolling out the tanks
For the trooping of Trump’s colours
While the army train their guns on the workers of L.A.
And he holds Benny’s hand
While he drops bombs on Iranians
And starves Palestinians
I pray for rain on his parade

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