Last Night of the Proms

“Patriotic songs matter” said the petition.
It’s this morning’s All Lives Matter edition.
Even if you don’t know all the words
And are der-der-der-ing by the second verse
Your life will be somehow diminished
If the Beeb change the way that The Proms are finished.

“They’re simply rousing British songs”
Not a catalogue of colonialism’s wrongs
Which are many, and the foundation
Of much of the wealth of this nation.
But we don’t want to talk about that
While we’re waving our plastic union jack.

Derek and the Germans

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek’s bursting with national pride
He doesn’t want us to be the worst ‘uns
He doesn’t want to count how many died

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek reckons they’re due a second wave
He’s a flags and statues kinda person
With a blind eye for the failing UK

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
It’s patriotic, he explains
It’s your country of birth that determines
Who you support come what may

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
And women too by using that phrase
It’s another of Derek’s little sermons
And Angela’s getting it both ways

And I don’t suppose Derek will ever see
A pragmatic centrist such as she
Is exactly the politician that he craves
If he could only see past the flag he waves

Derek’s slagging off the Germans
Derek voted conservative
Derek’s vote helped determine
The pandemic mess that we’re now in