Tag: nigel farage

Untitled (5 August 2024)

It’s happy hour in The New Austerity Inn
And there’s still fighting in town
You can’t have it if you can’t afford it
Rachel doubles down
But two for the price of one
When you ain’t got the price of one
Ain’t helping anyone
And it’s not like she can just print money

It was just the same with George behind the jump
Gets a wry nod from the snug
Now there was a fella with no idea
Of how to run a pub

I spoke to a man who said he was a patriot
But he didn’t like the country much
He said he wasn’t a racist, but
And we really didn’t get past the but
Because he was retweeting Robinson
And Nigel Fucking Farage
A burning hotel in Rotherham
And rioters at large

Sweeping up with a hangover
I hear he got a sympathetic ear
From Nick Ferrari on LBC
GB News and Talk TV

Another bloke said well what do you expect
When people ain’t got a thing
There’s a burning police car outside
And it’s happy hour
In The New Austerity Inn

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Dark Clouds Over Clacton

They say that it may have stopped raining
They say the sun might come out
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Giving me doubt

They say that it may have stopped raining
They say that they can clearly see
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he has a steady hand
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
And we’re still miles from land

They say there’s a new skipper at the helm
They say he takes things seriously
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say that the day that you see the devil
He steals away a piece of your soul
Now the dark clouds over Clacton
Feel so cold

They say that the day that you see the devil
His laugh will never leave you be
Now there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

Dark clouds over Clacton
Dark clouds and a stormy sea
There are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

They say that all we need is a fair wind
A fair wind and a following sea
But there are dark clouds over Clacton
Troubling me

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Milkshake Revolutionaries

He’s joining the race
He’s got it in the face
‘Spoons is the place
For a milkshake facial

Nigel don’t like it
Tommy tried to fight it
He’s gonna have to wipe it
A milkshake facial

No need to bash
The face of the fash
Just give ‘em a splash
Of a milkshake facial

Armed with bananas
Strawberries and blueberries
Here come the milkshake revolutionaries

by Categories: poetry, SteveTags: , , , , , , 1 Comment

Farage vs Coutts, Round Two

He was a broker, not a banker
Now the bank thinks he’s a wanker
(An easy rhyme, from time to time
Is not a crime, if so inclined)
But don’t shower them with applause
When they also bank the Ingram-Moores
Who used the Captain Tom Foundation
To fund their own recreation
And tried to build a swimming pool
Not a hospital or school
‘Til subject to overwhelming
Social media ridicule
But to the case in hand
Bank-less racist Brexit man
Who’s crying, woe is me
The wokerati, I’m cancelled see
‘Cause there’s reputational damage
To be linked with folk like Farage*

*He hates it when you pronounce it like that

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Running Out of Money

Nigel ain’t politically exposed
Nigel’s cash is just a little indisposed
Nigel went and got his account closed
Cause Nigel’s running out of money

Nigel ain’t a victim of persecution
He’s just having issues with his contribution
Nigel’s pile’s suffering from diminution
Seems Nigel’s running out of money

Nigel ain’t a martyr he’s just a bit skint
If you wanna bank at Coutts you’d better have a mint
Nigel, it seems didn’t wanna take the hint
That Nigel’s running out of money

Now wait for Nigel to pull a Yaxley-Lennon
They’re picking on me, is what he’s gonna tell ‘em
So please send cash and excuse the indiscretion
Cause Nigel’s running out of money

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Derek

Derek thinks that the lockdown’s over
Derek says get on with recovery
Derek’s got the phone-in on the blower
Derek won’t buy anything Chinese

Derek thinks Cummings should’ve got the sack
Derek voted to take control back
Derek has faith in the British public
Derek doesn’t know anyone that’s been sick

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

Derek is a fan of strong leadership
Derek now thinks that Johnson will fail
If he supports an advisor who’s a liar, which
Is as welcome in Clacton as a beached whale

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

He says if the virus don’t get him, something else will
As he rolls another fag and throws a burger on the grill
Derek says the risks are overrated
But he’ll follow the rules that’ve been promulgated

And he’s a regular caller to the Farage show
From the confines of his seaside bungalow
Nigel says it and Derek agrees
And Derek won’t buy anything Chinese

Derek doesn’t get it, though he sometimes might
Derek’s mostly wrong but occasionally right
He’s casually racist, not politically correct
Derek still had a vote last time I checked

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

“Leading” Britain’s Conversation

Nigel Farage said just now on LBC
He’d send his kids to school, happily.
But it’s an easy boast to make
When one of them is 28,
One’s 20 and one’s 31.
What’s the betting that the other one
Is not affected by this rule
Because she attends a private school?

 

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Are You Ready?

Are you ready?

Nigel says are you ready?
His will is firm
But his logic’s unsteady
But if your saddle’s sweaty
Or your business finance messy

Nigel reckons you’re ready

Richard says are you ready?
Him and Judy
Want to go steady
But she’s locked down already
He thinks it’s petty
He thinks she’s ready

To end the lockdown

There ain’t no vaccine
No antibody test
We ain’t even started track and trace yet
Matt hit his target
But only for a day
By the first of May
It had fallen away

Are you ready?

Are you ready?
To break the two-metre rule?
To go back to work?
To go back to school?
Are you ready?
Does the tube look attractive?
Is it time to be
Economically active?

Are you ready?

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Who Cares What Nigel Farage Says?

Farage wants to know who gets the button
Farage wants to know who gets to drop the bomb
In the middle of the crisis with Johnson gone

Farage is worried ‘bout the virus
Farage thinks that it will stop us getting Brexit done
His one trick pony race is not yet run

Farage doesn’t rate the current cabinet
Farage thinks he’s better than the whole current shit show
From the comfort of a radio studio

Farage says all politics is vile
Farage is telling callers not to get involved
Like his own political career has been absolved

You might tune in to listen to Eddie Mair
But the moral of this story should not come as a shock
Turn your radio back over at six o’clock

by Categories: COVID-19, Lyrics, SteveTags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

The Side of the Fox

Fox Logo

Genuinely written one Boxing Day out of anger and frustration waiting for the hit reports to come in.

As the election approaches, a reminder: there may be no manifesto pledge to repeal the Hunting Act but Boris Johnson is pro-hunt. He repeatedly voted against the ban and even went so far as to suggest hunting urban foxes on horseback. “This will cause massive unpopularity but I don’t care” he quipped. Oh, what a laugh.

Of course Farage is too, it speaks of the imaginary England that he wants to return to, and he supports the violent and bloodthirsty Old Surrey, Burstow and West Kent hunt.[1] His decision not to stand in the election is both cowardly and cute, as it frees him up to travel the country campaigning with Brexit Party candidates with no pressure to succeed in his own constituency.

I’m acutely aware that Protest For Dummies, the album that features The Side of the Fox, is approaching it’s third birthday, and that the time, space, finance and recording logistics for the fourth Protest Family studio album are still matters for the future, so, taking them into my own hands, I will attempt to record the band myself over the next few weeks, having learned some valuable lessons in the process of creating solo efforts Snowflake and Fake News From Nowhere.

Fox, due a refresh with drums, is on the list, with another five songs currently in guide track form. Next step is Andi on the kit and then we’ll see.

Wish us luck, and (watch this space).

Steve

Boys and Dogs

[1] https://www.huntsabs.org.uk/index.php/faqs/92-news/press-releases/552-nigel-farage-attends-boxing-day-meet-of-violent-huntsman-again

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