She’s cosplaying poor He’s a mansplaining bully There are points to be scored If her memory’s woolly Of nice days in Roundhay She wants you to choose Between her cheapo Claire’s earrings And his posh Prada shoes I’m the son of a chemist Rich Rishi declares I helped serve curry And with Mum’s tax affairs But he’s interrupting Like privilege does The audience deducting For his hedge fund boss buzz While both of ‘em forget That they’re part of the problem What they promise to fix Was just broken by ‘em They disagree on tax hikes But both agree to break strikes Mick Lynch was right About how far they’re right It’s the choice of a kicking From her boots or his shoes Come September Who will Waitrose Woman choose?
From Yorkshire tea farms to British cheese And broken treaties to spats with the Chinese And mixing up the Black and the Baltic seas She has the support of 86 MPs
From a Mrs T haircut and a picture in a tank To ducking debates where she might draw a blank She wants to squeeze families and bang the dumb She’s the Anyone But Rishi for your conservative chum
From the bloke off Have I Got News For You To the woman off I’m Sorry, I Haven’t A Clue The shortcoming of ‘em running is as shocking as it’s stunning Brace yourselves Britain, the cheese woman is coming
Armchair generals Firing other people’s bullets With other people’s sons Express sympathy With the refugee Who would be welcome here If they weren’t such a risk to national insecurity And Lincolnshire is full, says Leigh Even if they’re willing to pick fruit
What has Liz’s dressing-up box Got for us today? Fighter pilot? Tank commander? Recruiter for La Légion étrangère? She’s unlikely to dress to protest Or to campaign against the war That’s what the other lot are for The Minister for Instagram will give up glam But only for a message of might She wants you to fight
Don’t let her tell you that it’s simple While the policy to sanction Fails to seize a single yacht or mansion Despite the fighting talk Trying to be the hawkest hawk It’s easier to call to arms Than boycott wealthy friends As a wise man once said A bayonet is a weapon With a worker at both ends
Listen to me, in my new serious voice, We’re going to war; we don’t have a choice, So, here’s a picture of me, with my new serious hair In a serious tank, while our brave troops prepare. Pay attention to me and my new serious face, I’m ready to put Vladimir back in his place But don’t ask me questions, I’m here to be imperious And impress upon you that things are very serious, With my serious voice and my serious hair Because going to war is a serious affair. And while I offer the Prime Minister my full support I’ll be seriously ready when it’s time to cut him short.
Welcome to the Ayanda family
Focussed on investment strategy
We specialise in trading currency
You see
Welcome to the Ayanda family
We specialise in offshore property
And private equity
But we’ve never bought any PPE
How can that be?
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
We’ve no PPE experience at all
But there’s 250 million quid on the table
Some haul
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
Kings of remaining profitable
There’s public money there for us to trawl
And a government advisor that we can give a call
The stakes ain’t small
Here’s Andrew Mills, he’s a member of our board
What he knows about facemasks ain’t been explored
But if there’s money to be made then rest assured
He’s on board
Here’s Andrew Mills our deal deviser
ProsperMills’ influence exerciser
And business advisor
To Liz Truss, Secretary of State, for International Trade
That’s how the deal was made
Now if you think that this ain’t corrupt
Then protest singers might as well give up
And turns out the masks ain’t even good enough
And that’s fucked up
The victims of COVID still regularly cop it
While folks like Ayanda are making a profit
Matt Hancock ain’t gonna do anything to stop it
So if you want to protect the NHS as well
Liz Truss: MP for South West Norfolk, sub-Thatcherite free market fundamentalist, rewarded for her loyalty in Johnson’s Tory leadership campaign by appointment to Secretary of State for International Trade in 2019.
Here she is in 2015, talking about imported cheese:
British fish for British plates,
British hates for British mates.
Here’s the church and here’s the steeple,
British cheese for British people.
British trawlers for British waters,
British sons for British daughters,
British deals for British Steel,
British out for a British meal.
Here’s the church and here’s the steeple,
British cheese for British people.
British jobs for British workers,
British shirks for British shirkers,
British porridge for British oats,
British votes for British scrotes,
British films for British viewers,
British kebabs on British skewers.
Here’s the church and here’s the steeple,
British cheese for British people.
British taxis for British ranks,
British porn for British wanks,
British chieftains for British tanks,
British crashes for British banks,
British streets for British homeless,
British hope for British hopeless,
British disease for British diagnosis,
British psyche for British psychosis.
Here’s the church and here’s the steeple,
British cheese for British people.
Steve White & The Protest Family 