Michelle Mone
Doesn’t need a loan
Got two hundred mill
Sat on the MedPro throne
Now Michelle Mone’s
Cover’s blown
She lied to the press
As it’s now known
So, Michelle Mone
Will have to atone
‘Cause the PPE
Wasn’t well sewn
However, Michelle Mone
Wasn’t alone
But the WhatApp’s missing
Off Rishi’s phone
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
When you change your clothes five times a day
You might need someone to put ‘em away
In royal circles that’s called a valet
And Prince Charles, he’s got four (if not more)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Breaking your arm is an inconvenience
Lady Luck don’t show royals any lenience
But Michael is a valet with such an allegiance
He’ll hold it while the Prince has a piss (so he don’t miss)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
The director of the royal cock holds a special place
And he’ll never face a discrimination case
Whatever happened anyway to the rape tapes
Some things we’ll never know (ain’t that so?)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Now Prince Charles’ influence could help a fellow out
But how to curry favour with a fellow of such clout?
Well extravagant gifts will help, no doubt
That Toothpaste will turn into cash (well that’s rash)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Now it turns out that what folk actually think is wrong
Is accepting wads of cash in exchange for a gong
Something I’m pretty sure they’ve done all along
So Toothpaste’s fallen on his sword (once more)
Mr Toothpaste squeezes the tube
When the prince wants to brush his teeth
Mr Toothpaste fences the loot
That other dignitaries bequeath
Mr Toothpaste directs the royal appendage
When the prince can only use one hand
And if you want a dodgy CBE
Mr Toothpaste is your man
And when Prince Charles needs to pee
Mr Toothpaste is your man
Full story here.
Welcome to the Ayanda family
Focussed on investment strategy
We specialise in trading currency
You see
Welcome to the Ayanda family
We specialise in offshore property
And private equity
But we’ve never bought any PPE
How can that be?
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
We’ve no PPE experience at all
But there’s 250 million quid on the table
Some haul
Welcome to Ayanda Capital
Kings of remaining profitable
There’s public money there for us to trawl
And a government advisor that we can give a call
The stakes ain’t small
Here’s Andrew Mills, he’s a member of our board
What he knows about facemasks ain’t been explored
But if there’s money to be made then rest assured
He’s on board
Here’s Andrew Mills our deal deviser
ProsperMills’ influence exerciser
And business advisor
To Liz Truss, Secretary of State, for International Trade
That’s how the deal was made
Now if you think that this ain’t corrupt
Then protest singers might as well give up
And turns out the masks ain’t even good enough
And that’s fucked up
The victims of COVID still regularly cop it
While folks like Ayanda are making a profit
Matt Hancock ain’t gonna do anything to stop it
So if you want to protect the NHS as well
Don’t lose your sense of smell
Steve White & The Protest Family 